July | 2009 | Answer Me This! Podcast

Archive for July, 2009

EPISODE 102 – a cucumber will never make you cry

July 30, 2009

Well, what a splendid week it has been, what with this and that, and now the cherry on the cake, the ketchup on the potato waffle, the skin on the cocoa: Answer Me This! Episode 102!

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through iTunes or a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

This week we discuss such grave matters as:

the perils of pylons
The Mousetrap
Piz Buin vs. L’Oreal
happy-slapping
Dennis Hopper snorting tractor-fuel
The Crying Game
cucumbers
sunbathing in World War II
minicabs
and
Heathrow Terminal 5.

Plus: Olly yet again proves himself way ahead of the curve, having managed to produce a viral song in 1991; Helen stands up for her religious boundary-crossing relationship; Martin the Sound Man has nobody to play with in the swimming pool; and, unknowingly, Inspector Morse comes to our rescue in a matter of correct spelling. Such a gent.

Despite our recent chart-nontopping success, we’re still staying close to our roots and imploring you to send us your QUESTIONS for future episodes. You can submit them in the form of an email to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or a voice message to Skype ID answermethis or the question line 0208 123 5877; we’re not fussy.

See you next week,

Helen and Olly

PS. Anyone who doesn’t believe in the festival of the summer, the Peasenhall Pea Festival: below is photographic evidence!

: Martin the Sound Man gets ready to rock the Peasenhall Pea Festival

: There are more brilliant puns where this came from, would you believe

: Look, it hadn’t started yet, alright?

: Indeed.

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Tags:crime, festivals, linguistics, movies, neighbours, peas, school, spelling, spoilers
Posted in PODCASTS | 2 Comments »

What a lovely massive cheque; wherever did you get it?

July 30, 2009

** Click here for Episode 101 **

We love it when listeners write in with the inside scoop on things we discussed in the podcast. For instance, Kat’s exposé of Build-a-Bear, and now, following Jon from Bath’s question about giant cheques in Episode 101, we’ve received the real answer from Adrian from Tolworth:

As a bank employee, I can tell you far more about them than anybody could ever really care.

They cost the bank £1.72 each to produce and are made on laminated paper, so they can be wiped clean and reused. Generally, each branch holds one, which are then lent out to companies or charities as
necessary.

These are not real cheques (for many good reasons), so whenever one is used, they’ll also have to hand over a boring regular-sized cheque as well.

So there isn’t a giant sitting in the back room of HSBC churning them out? Damn. Perhaps some things should remain a mystery.

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Tags:money
Posted in Answer Us Back! Your time to opine | Leave a Comment »

“I’ve got a little list, I’ve got a little list”

July 28, 2009

** Click here for Episode 101 **

Further to the Guardian yesterday anointing us the second-funniest podcast in Christendom, today the estimable London Paper elected us the third best podcast in their Top 10! Click HERE to see for yourself.

What a spiffing week – two press plaudits, and it’s only Tuesday.

Obviously our joy will be punctured if tomorrow we’re number 4 in the Top 10 Most Annoying Knob-Ends on the Web.

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Posted in AMT! press, News | 1 Comment »

Jingles and jollies

July 27, 2009

** Click here for Episode 101 **

This week is looking excellent already and it’s only Monday lunchtime!

Firstly, for all of you who like to groove along to AMT! jingles, Martin the Sound Man has made some of them available for free download – click HERE to obtain them if you so wish.

Secondly, the Guardian has declared AMT! the second-funniest podcast in the land! Which is extremely nice of them. Click HERE to read the article and see who else has landed in the top 10; meanwhile we will go off and pat ourselves on the back for the rest of the day while we try to answer ourselves this: if we’re now officially funnier than Ricky Gervais, do we get to be as rich as him?

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Posted in AMT! press, Martin the Sound Man, News | 2 Comments »

You may now kiss the bride…if her faceful of bees doesn’t put you off.

July 27, 2009

** Click here for Episode 101 **

In Episode 101 Helen sounded off about the homogeneity of wedding photos on Facebook. Then she felt a little bit guilty about it, until an ambassador of the Lord Almighty emailed in to confirm her jaundiced views – Adrian, a priest from Belfast:

I completely agree with your determination that, no matter the details, most weddings are basically the same! Obviously it’s part of my job, and weddings are really great things to be part of; but so far there’s been very little that has made any weddings at which I’ve officiated different from the others, special though each one was.

So, in order for me to appropriately advise couples in relation to their approaching nuptials, Helen and Olly, answer me this: what on earth can anyone do to make their wedding interesting and different without making it a gimmick-laden waste of time for all involved?

Well of course everyone in the whole world has given this wedding gimmick the thumbs up; and I doubt one would forget the ceremonies of these brave chaps or this possibly friendless groom. But readers, let’s consider couples who don’t see themselves as dancers or zoophiles: what other charming ways can you think of to distinguish one’s nuptials from the rest? Please comment below! And no, splashing out on the napkin rings will NOT cut the mustard…

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Tags:romance, weddings
Posted in Answer Us Back! Your time to opine, User-generated answers | 2 Comments »

EPISODE 101 – like The Wire, but in Crystal Palace

July 23, 2009

Dear space cadets,

It’s been 40 years since the moon landings, can you believe! Well, we’re sure you can; those things were bloody AGES ago. But can you even believe it’s been a whole week since AMT100? Not as impressive a quantity of time as has elapsed since men got space-dust on their shoes, to be sure; but it’s somewhat relevant here because it means it’s time for Episode 101:

In this episode we wag our chins about:

Fanny Hill
Waitrose
Juicy Couture
the cakewalk
Paul Merton vs. George Orwell
Mr Kipling and his maverick ‘Like This, Try This’ feature
Animal Cops Houston
Adrian Mole’s diet
shell suits
Manor House
nuptual napery
Crocs
and
omelette.

Plus, Olly explains fusion food for plebs; handicrafty Helen offers tips for DIY contraceptives; and Martin the Sound Man turns out to be the only sentient being under the age of 70 to enjoy a dry fruitcake. Of all the cakes in all the world, he just has to go for the crap ones.

You know what we would ALL like more than inedibly dry fruitcake though? Your questions! Thwack them at top speed into our question-basket by sending an email to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leaving a voice message by Skypeing answermethis or calling 0208 123 5877. Furthermore, please leave a comment below if you can name the album cover that Callum is so keen to identify.

If you are all worn out after that and crave some musical compilations to listen to as you recuperate on your chaise longue, you could check out our inaptly named Celebrity Playlist on iTunes. It works even if you don’t actually have a chaise longue. Fancy! While you’re reclining you can also listen to Helen on the Richard Bacon Show on BBC Live tonight from 11pm-1am, discussing the most pressing topics of the day and trying to stay awake past her bedtime.

That is all for now, so we shall see you next week!

Helen and Olly

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Tags:cake, cohabitation, cookery, crime, dancing, finance, heartbreak, jews, music, romance, sartoria, weddings
Posted in PODCASTS | 1 Comment »

Visual aids

July 22, 2009

For those of you who forswore the enhanced podcast and the Facebook album, but still hunger for pictorial accompaniments to AMT100, click on the picture below for a slideshow!

Click ye here for the AMT100 slideshow!

Thanks very much to all who sent us your photos.

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Posted in visuals | 1 Comment »

EPISODE 100 – Live centenary extravaganza at the iTunes Festival!

July 16, 2009

episode 100

Fanfares please, readers! For against all odds (given that we expected to be fully estranged WAY before completing the century), Answer Me This! has hit 100. Right in the face. Wallop!

Of course we couldn’t let such a landmark pass in normal fashion; so instead of kicking about in our home studio in Crystal Palace, we trotted across town to the historic Roundhouse in Camden, and recorded the episode in front of an audience of fans and Olly’s extended family as part of the iTunes Live Festival. Technically we were La Roux’s support act, although she was probably cheerfully unaware of this.

To get a fuller sense of the occasion, conjure up a few of the following images to accompany the audio experience:
1. circular room in the bowels of the Roundhouse, that was rather like the innards of a compass
2. balloon animals
3. party bags, including sweeties, cheap plastic toys, sudoku and VERY LOUD party whistles
4. Kanye specs and foil hats.

From the folds of our sparkly centenary cloaks we whipped out such topics as:

i-mutation
dislocated hips
sweaty necks
Dodie Smith
filofaxes
Fortnum’n’Mason
chimichangas
Neo’s address
palindromes
George Orwell
Olly’s Mum
and
a fake egg.

Plus: how the podcast began! What’s really going on with Martin the Sound Man! The practicality of coming out on a podcast! And the future of AMT! Joining us for this cavalcade of fun were Josie Long, Alex Thomas, Tommy Herbert, Matthew Crosby; and joining Martin the Sound Man on bass, uke and drums was Richard Acton of the band Limn. We must also thank Alicky Ashby and Julie Wang for the photos, because I doubt we will make another such visually arresting podcast for quite some time.

We hope you enjoy the festivities; but next week the show is back to normal, so we will of course be requiring YOUR QUESTIONS: please email them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, phone 0208 123 5877 or Skype answermethis (Skype seems to have been playing up a bit lately so make sure you elocute to the max).

See you next week, for palindromic prime episode 101!

Helen and Olly

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Tags:Arizona, coming out, cookery, dogs, eggs, gay, parents, romance, surgery, work
Posted in PODCASTS | 10 Comments »

Happy birthday to us!

July 15, 2009

** Click here for EPISODE 99 **

On the eve of our 100th episode, we’ve received a marvellous missive from Simon:

I’m breaking tradition, I’m emailing not with a question, BUT WITH A PRESENT…of sorts.

I found myself doodling as I usually do whilst listening to episode 98, and it sort of developed into the drawing that’s attached! It’s to celebrate your 100th episode, and a thanks for being so damned awesome over the last two years.

Thanks very much, Simon! (Especially for making us look so much better than we do in real life.) And if any of the rest of you fancy making cards for us to prop on our virtual mantelpieces, send them along too! Nobody likes tears on their birthday…

Incidentally, as a birthday treat, we were asked to compile our Celebrity Playlist for iTunes. If you can pause in choking with laughter at the mere notion of us having managed to muscle in on something with ‘celebrity’ in the name, then click HERE check out our joint megamix.

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Posted in AMT Gallery, frippery, visuals | 3 Comments »

Children and caving

July 15, 2009

Last week, ovaries were ruffled and coos were unleashed when Archie piped up on the phoneline to become AMT’s youngest ever questioneer. But not even high-pitched infantile cuteness could disguise the fact that he had failed to adhere to correct question-posing form, so young Archie was summarily bitch-slapped back to the sandpit. What sort of impact might such admonition have on a young psyche? Father-of-Archie Dean from Suffolk has filled us in:

I have listened to podcast 99 with pride and heard my little lad Archie’s question being thrown out by Olly! Just thought you might like to know that he took your words on board and tried to “go back from where he came from”. To give the lad his due he was almost up to his knees before the wife noticed. My wife is obviously a little upset at this turn of events and is talking about divorce; however Archie did find my best watch which I thought was lost forever in her lady parts, so a positive outcome after all!

Which got me thinking…Answer me this: why do people like potholing?

Having never committed myself to anything more adventurous than unclogging the drain, I find myself unable to answer that question; but if any of you readers are keen speologists, please comment below to enlighten us about the pleasures of potholing. Everyone else can vote on the following:

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Posted in Answer Us Back! Your time to opine | 1 Comment »

EPISODE 99 – handjob on the dancefloor

July 9, 2009

Welcome to the new series, listeners!

And welcome to the last episode before we hit triple figures. Next week’s podcast will of course be our Live Super-Festive Snazzy Centenary Extravaganza at the iTunes Festival, but until then there’s Not-Live Non-Festive Moderately Snazzy Nonanovantian Normalaganza, Episode 99:

To limber up after the month off, we contemplate:

Stanley Kubrick’s stationery
Paul McCartney’s flatmate potential
spreadable butter
sleeve tatts
onion bhajis
Apple Barn
Dannii Minogue
Jackass
this unconvincingly world-famous restaurant gimmick
messy Kate Nash
and
flesh tunnels.

Plus: Olly talks utter balls about balls; in a tortoise vs. hare-style victory, Helen’s book beats the internet in a race to be informative; and Martin the Sound Man finally builds up a bit of resistance to basic innuendo, although not without some false starts.

We may be getting on, but our tastes haven’t changed: we want YOUR QUESTIONS, and we want them now! Well, not now, but soonish, for the new series. So please gather them and email them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, or deliver with your voice into our answering machine on the other end of 0208 123 5877 or Skype id answermethis.

See you next week, when we will score a podcasting century!

Helen and Olly

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Tags:celebrities, cohabitation, dancing, Dustin Hoffman, etymology, Fern Britton, inebriation, Julia Roberts, Ministry of Sound, school, tertiary education, Tom Hanks
Posted in PODCASTS | 3 Comments »

All new!

July 8, 2009

We’re thrilled to be returning tomorrow with our new series, but just before that arrives, we’ve got some other new stuff to tell you about. Namely:

• New badges! The wonderful bods at 50pbadges.com have produced a gorgeous new quartet of badges in two sizes. CLICK HERE to buy your own pieces of flair.

• New albums! During our holidays we put together the Answer Me This! Selection Boxes, four compilations of some of the finest bits of the podcast themed around our favourite subjects: food, love, dilemmas and history. They’re available exclusively from the iTunes store for £3.49 each – or $4.99 for listeners in the US or $8.99 in Australia. Or for some similarly puny amount wherever you are in the world!

• Martin the Sound Man‘s got a new episode of his Sound of the Ladies podcast, featuring his latest song ‘We Went to the Bottom of the Ocean’!

• Fellow podcaster and sibling of the show Andy Zaltzman has just started his new BBC 5Live series ‘Yes, It’s the Ashes’. Unfortunately it is about cricket; but if that oils your bat, then you can listen to Episode 1 on BBC iPlayer until Saturday morning.

See you tomorrow for Episode 99!

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Posted in frippery, Merch | Leave a Comment »