Answer Me This! Podcast

EPISODE 72 – twelve-inch meat feast

October 23, 2008 by Helen Zaltzman

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Hello chaps! And apologies for the lack of an episode last week, although we’ve very much enjoyed your guesses as to which operation Helen had. There are many outlandish suggestions – and one of you was very close! – but you can find out the prosaic truth by listening to Episode 72.

Along with the identity of Helen’s mystery ailment, the episode holds such noisebits as:

guinea-pigs
Rear Window
the many hits of Status Quo
karma
Imax-face
Global Hypercolour*
Fortnum’n’Mason
douche-bags
Goldwyn-Mayer syndrome
great British cheeses
and
romantic advice for Michelle Branch.

Plus, Olly is a traitor to his own sex, Helen bemoans her wonky corneas, and Martin the Sound Man shows vaunting ambition for his spiritual future.

Also, thanks to the dozens of you who wrote in to avail Mark from Essex of the information about the song he sought in Episode 71, and happy 18th birthday to AMT! superfan James from Lincolnshire! If you have more songs, birthdays or, most importantly, QUESTIONS to tell us about, don’t be shy: please Skype answermethis, phone 0208 123 5877 or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

See you next week, unless we have to have emergency bottomectomies or something!

Helen and Olly

*UPDATE: Dagnammit, it seems Global Hypercolour may be making a comeback! Fiona in New York tells us that American Apparel is staging a revival of revolting colour-changing t-shirts. Batten down the hatches before we’re all deluged by a tide of other pointless crap returning from the 90s, like Pop Swatches and the band Echobelly.

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Olly lookalikes nos. 10005 & 10006

October 19, 2008 by Helen Zaltzman

The legend that is Graham from Canada has supplied probably the cutest Olly-lookalike yet, noting that ‘at first it was just because of the name, but then I noticed the similarities…’:

Meanwhile, crossword-setting wunderkind David from York offers the following:

He just needs a moustache and Olly is…..

The Swedish Chef from the Muppets.

Now, that’s just silly.

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Posted in Answer Us Back! Your time to opine, extracurricular questions, Olly's face, User-generated answers | 1 Comment »

Sick-note

October 16, 2008 by Helen Zaltzman

Dear Answer Me This! listeners,

I’m sorry to tell you that Episode 72 isn’t coming out today – Helen had to go and have an operation, so must lie about in bed this week rather than mess about with audio files and whatnot. Provided she doesn’t choke on a grape or her own laziness, normal service will be resumed next Thursday.

If you want some amusement in the meantime, leave a comment guessing what operation she had done; first person to get it right wins a pair of surgical stockings and a pack of supermarket own-brand ibuprofen.

Yours,

Helen’s Mum

Helen after her sense of humour bypass

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EPISODE 71 – skate pigs

October 9, 2008 by Helen Zaltzman

Hello chums!

It’s been very interesting reading all about your first words in the comments section of Episode 70. Now, if you’d be so kind as to comment again, our old musical mucker Mark from Essex is back with another musical query which we need you to solve*, and you can hear it in Episode 71.

Aside from Mark’s croonings, the episode contains:

culinary tyranny
Sir Robert Peel
medical marshmallows
dolphin vaginas
nocturnal celery-eating
The Tamworth Two
crap nicknames
Lindt vs. lint
more! magazine
and
Julia Roberts’s sweaty bits.

Plus Olly alludes to an Elysian period when he did not talk at all, Helen emits even more swears than usual, and Martin the Sound Man reveals how to pick up girls. Watch out!

We are, as ever, eager to hear from you, particularly if you have QUESTIONS to ask us. If so, you can pose them by Skype-ing answermethis, phoning 0208 123 5877 or emailing answermethispodcast@googlemail.com; and, if you care to do so, you can also help wrap up the long-running debate about Olly’s face. Because, of course, a podcaster’s face is his fortune.

Seeya!

Helen and Olly

* EDIT: The super-speedy Samyooell from Cheltenham has already come up with the solution to Mark from Essex’s song inquiry: ‘The answer to the question set by Mark from Essex is ‘Everywhere’ by Michelle Branch and Yellowcard. Master Blaster has also got some weird remix of it. I’m not sure if it has been on a film, but has featured on One Tree Hill on at least one occasion.’ Thanks, Samyooell!

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Our day-jobs: one of the great modern mysteries

October 8, 2008 by Helen Zaltzman

The lovely Sarah from Gaytown has sent us a real poser, trying to annihilate that air of mystery we’ve so carefully cultivated:

What do y’all do during the day?
I imagine Martin being a jazz club music manager.
Olly being that lovely guy that goes around offices with a cart making people smile and giving them mail whilst whistling a happy tune.
Helen working in one of those spectacular, well lit – but slightly [but perfectly] dusty, hippy bakery and smiling all day.
I know that’s [probably] not true, but I am quite curious.

Indeed it isn’t true, but it’s a sight more interesting than the truth; and duly, we would also be interested to hear what the rest of you think we do all day, so please leave a comment with your thoughts on the matter.

Or, if you work as a careers adviser, perhaps you could suggest some pertinent avenues we could explore in the event that this talky stuff doesn’t work out.

Posted in Answer Us Back! Your time to opine, extracurricular questions, User-generated answers | 7 Comments »

Olly’s face: now appearing on a celebrity near you

October 8, 2008 by Helen Zaltzman

It appears that Olly has yet another famous face-alike – Ian from Cumbria has discovered a new celebrity with whom Mr Mann shares a visage:

How similar does Olly Mann look to the ostentatious pushy editor Piers Morgan?¿. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but the resemblance is uncanny, both share the same Jew-fro style curls and cheery cheekbones.

Thanks for providing illustrative materials, Ian – and an inverted question-mark! It’s always a thrill to have a new kind of punctuation on the website.

But there’s only one way of settling this matter, friends: a poll. Take it:

Which famous person does Olly resemble?

the fellow from Alphabeat
food-maker Ed Baines
media rapscallion Piers Morgan
Seth Rogen from out of the movies
none of the above
your mum

View Results

poll by twiigs.com

Posted in Answer Us Back! Your time to opine, extracurricular questions, frippery, Olly's face, User-generated answers | Leave a Comment »

EPISODE 70 – What’s the difference between an English breakfast and puking up?

October 1, 2008 by Helen Zaltzman

Hello friends!

How nice to see you again (in an abstract way). In response to all of you who enquired: yes, thankyou, we very much enjoyed our month off. No, we did not go anywhere nice on a holiday. Although we did take a trip to Croydon to buy Martin the Sound Man a new swivel chair. But we have it on good authority that the experience was at least 70% similar to a fortnight at a Sandals resort.

Anyway, to business! Firstly, we were utterly overjoyed to see how eagerly you lot took to our Camcorder Challenge. The competition closed last Friday night, and you can read all about it HERE, as well as listen all about it in Episode 70.

And what sort of things have shot out of us after a month of podcastly abstinence?

Minesweeper
sexual politics of yesterdecade
Frubes
the shamelessness of animals
Jackie Mason
Harvester
the fascist bastards of the Chelsea Flower Show
the Boston Bean
best men
the Queen’s chewing-gum
surprise parties
Selfridges
this sort of thing
and
the joke that will be funny forever and ever.

And that’s not all! Olly recreates his first ever podcast; Helen admits to a relative who DOESN’T go in for swearing; and Martin the Sound Man tries to mimic a drumroll sound and just coats the AMT! studio in spittle. Cheers, Martin.

As well as asking us some lovely juicy QUESTIONS for the new series, by Skype-ing answermethis, phoning 0208 123 5877 or emailing answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, please leave a comment on this post revealing what your first words were. Ours were ‘wank’ (Olly), ‘”they’re”, NOT “their”!’ (Helen) and ‘Higgs boson’ (Martin the Sound Man), or at least should have been, rather than the fairly prosaic stuff we did apparently come out with.

We look forward to reading your outpourings, and we hope you enjoy listening to ours over the Michaelmas series! It’s delightful to be back.

Helen and Olly

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gay ghosts

September 26, 2008 by Helen Zaltzman

Self-proclaimed ghost expert Colin has something to add to last month’s consideration of institutional homophobia and racism in the ghost world:

How can you possible say there are no gay ghosts. Mr Claypole in Rentaghost was definitely gay.

Honestly.

Judge for yourself, readers:

Mr Claypole: straight as an arrow?

Perhaps just a bit flamboyant?

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Posted in Answer Us Back! Your time to opine | 2 Comments »

Eleven days remain…

September 15, 2008 by Helen Zaltzman

…of our CAMCORDER CHALLENGE, so get yourself in front of your webcam, handycam, PD150 or CCTV and post an entry with all speed!

Competition is fierce, with questions ranging from the pithy to downright baffling; but we felt the following entry particularly deserved your viewing attention as it is not so much a question for the competition as a pilot for a show Channel 4 really ought to commission:

Although how dare they say the messenger bags are ugly! The bags are as pretty as an Afhgan hound in a party dress!

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the coolification of Bowls

September 11, 2008 by Helen Zaltzman

** There are still two weeks to go in our CAMCORDER CHALLENGE – get your entries in! **

Bowls: can it get cooler than this?

In response to Amy from Aberdare’s lament in Episode 69 that her schoolfriends were mocking her excellent at bowls, Luke from Brisbane has the following words of comfort and advice:

In Australia now Bowls has been turned into a kinda cool, trendy thing to do on a Sunday afternoon, after the advent of barefoot bowls (where you play barefoot, and wear casual clothes). This is mostly because of the cheap beer that they serve at bowls clubs and that it’s easy to learn; they normally do a good BBQ as well. Most of the old folk love it when you come down because most of the members are dying and they need to get young people playing.

So maybe try that, get her friends down and have a couple of drinks and give it a go. (I’m assuming that she is over 18, or maybe wait till that day.)

Not a bad idea, Amy – bribery with food and booze! Or set up a nude bowls club. Although it might be a bit like Cocoon crossed with a Carry On film, at least it would have intrigue.

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pretty as a picture – because it is a picture

September 8, 2008 by Helen Zaltzman

* Craving some AMT!P magic? Click here to listen to some vintage episodes *

Have you entered our CAMCORDER CHALLENGE yet?
If you have no idea what this is, click here to be availed!

What does it take to melt our hearts, listeners? Flowers? Puppies? Sulphuric acid?

Well, each of those things in their own way – but also some good old arting! Not for the first time, we’ve been reduced to little pools of joy by a listener sending us a pictorial adaptation of the podcast. Today’s delight-bringer is Amelia from London, who sent us the following:

I was just listening to some old episodes and was inspired to create this…well either that or I was just really bored.

Thank you, Amelia! Especially for giving us all such nice hair.

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Posted in AMT Gallery, Answer Us Back! Your time to opine, extracurricular questions, frippery, visuals | Leave a Comment »

Your Beautiful Faces – a camcorder challenge update

September 7, 2008 by Olly Mann

Our new series starts on October 1st. Meanwhile click here for Episode 69.

Well. We’re just ONE WEEK into Helen and Olly’s Camcorder Challenge, and, good Lord, have you lovely people OUTDONE yourselves with some stunning interactive fan-fun?

Yes.
Yes You Have.

A quick glance at the entries so far should explain our delight – but here are some STATISTICS for those of you who understand numbers more than emotions:
• More than 1300 views of our YouTube video!
• Eleven amazing Video Responses entering the competition!
• … and all of this to win a prize that is only worth £15 in the first place!

Yes, it’s been pretty damn exciting to see the FACES of faithful Questioneers like Sarah from Gaytown, Leon from Northumberland, and, YES!!!, Graham from Canada. And it’s been equally lovely to witness the incredible range of questions spouting from their mouths.

But, needless to say, we have our favourites…

HELEN continues her appreciation of KRABBERS‘ oeuvre, with his contribution including arty black-and-white photography, a pet rabbit, and ‘territorial piss flicks’:

OLLY, meanwhile, admires the simplicity of this amusing question from charming regular contributor MARK FROM ESSEX:

… but MARTIN THE SOUND MAN, never known to indulge in narcissism, seems to prefer this one by the crafty GARETH FROM GLASGOW:

BUT this competition is all about how many views each entrant gets, not what we think! The current leader is an oddly philosophical question from superfan LITERARY SPOT, who has shown impressive ingenuity in getting 622 views of her clip so far. But it’s all to play for! There are still THREE WEEKS left to run on this baby!

The winner WILL win an AMT! messenger bag AND be the first question we read out in the new series of Answer Me This! There can BE no more inspiring prize!*
(*at our current budget)

So ENTER the competition now – full Terms and Conditions at answermethispodcast.com/challenge.

… We’re really looking forward to seeing what else you’ve got up your sleeves! Good luck!
HELEN AND OLLY

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Posted in Answer Us Back! Your time to opine, Challenge, frippery | 1 Comment »