Answer Me This! Podcast

** Click here for Episode 153 **

Unlike any of us here at AMT, Ciorstan has the luxury of dumping someone over a completely spurious difference of opinion:

I recently stopped seeing someone after he told me he hadn’t read all the Harry Potter books because they were boring. Some of my friends think this was the right decision, others say I’m an idiot.

Answer me this: do you think this was a good reason to break up with someone?

Erm – no. Although if you’re willing to give someone the heave-ho over that, then you really weren’t in it for the long term anyway.

And what is the strangest reason any of you have ever dumped someone?

Um – because we didn’t love them any more? Because the prospect of spending any more time with them was unappealing? MADNESS.

But readers, go forth to the comments and tell us all about your arbitrary reasons for ending a relationship. You cruel, cruel people.

Subscribe with iTunes • Book • Question Archive • FAQ • Episodes
• App • Facebook • Twitter • Merch Superstore • YouTube Channel •

** Click here for Episode 153 **

A seasonal question now from David from Dagenham, a man who might have inspired this, and definitely finds untimely death a hoot!

With halloween coming up I was thinking of costume ideas and was talking to some guys at work about it, as we are encouraged to dress up for the event every year.

Answer me this: what has been your best or worst costume idea?

Readers. You strike me as a bunch with truly spectacular records in fancy dress, and probably with similarly lax taste boundaries as David from Dagenham. So make haste to the comments and tell us – preferably including links to photographic evidence – of your zenith and/or nadir of novelty costuming. Can any of you compete with this guy?

Subscribe with iTunes • Book • Question Archive • FAQ • Episodes
• App • Facebook • Twitter • Merch Superstore • YouTube Channel •

** Click here for Episode 152 **

Tsch, women! Bloody women! I say that on behalf of Tom, who has emailed us with some girl trouble of the unromantic kind:

Basic Summary – I’ve known a girl for about 4 years and we have been pretty close friends. Going to the cinema and for meals together (don’t worry this isn’t some silly teenage romance question).

Confront her? Ignore her? Try to maintain a friendship (not that I particularly want to now). I’m so confused.

Understandably so, Tom. Even if she ever gives you an explanation, it’s unlikely to be one which makes you any happier; so we recommend you cut your losses and fraternise with rather more inclusive friends. Even if they don’t have their own pools.

But readers, what would you recommend? Tell Tom your comforts or conspiracy theories in the comments.

Subscribe with iTunes • Book • Question Archive • FAQ
• App • Facebook • Twitter • Merch Superstore • YouTube Channel •

** Click here for Episode 151 **

Help a lover out, readers: apply yourselves to this problem from Anonymous Girl:

I’ve been seeing this lovely guy for about five months. He’s very affectionate and sweet and caring, but he’s never told me he loves me.

What should I do? What’s the normal time to tell someone you love them?

When you’re drunk.

Any other suggestions? To the comments, people!

Subscribe with iTunes • Book • Question Archive • FAQ
• App • Facebook • Twitter • Merch Superstore • YouTube Channel •

** Click here for Episode 151 **

Judge-a-book-by-its-cover Corner now, thanks to this email from Helen in Hertford:

My friend’s mum is always telling her to never trust a man whose eyes are too close together. So answer me this: is there any truth in this, or is she just a bit prejudiced against people who aren’t making full use of the space on their face?

Physiognomists, go to the comments and tell us whether there is indeed any evidence to back up this (clearly absurd) theory; everyone else, go there to tell us about your own ludicrous stereotyping. For instance, my friend Al never trusts someone whose surname can also be a first name. Madness, I know! OK, your turn.

Subscribe with iTunes • Book • Question Archive • FAQ
• App • Facebook • Twitter • Merch Superstore • YouTube Channel •

We’re back on October 7th. Click here to catch up!

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, and a question from Pat from Canada:

My uncle passed away a few months ago. My mom (his sister) and I went to pick out a headstone for his grave and found it very hard to find an appropriate epitaph for him. You see, he was a miserable old fellow and was especially mean to my mother during the last five years of his life. Nothing anyone did for him was good enough.

So, answer me this: what is an appropriate phrase to put on a grave marker when the deceased wasn’t a very nice fellow?

Readers, you’re a tasteless bunch. Go forth to the comments and do your worst.

Subscribe with iTunes • Listen to episodes • Question Archive • FAQ
• App • Facebook • Twitter • Merch Superstore • YouTube Channel •

We’re back on October 7th. Click here to catch up!

The following one from Dom in Twickenham is one which is replicated in screaming tones within my own head after every trip to the coiffurist:

Please answer me this, why do hairdressers NEVER give you the haircut that you want? And why can you never say that you are unhappy with the cut that they’ve given you?

Apparently, when I told my barber this morning that I ‘just want it shortened a bit’, he understood it to mean: “Make me look like a lesbian, please.”

Maybe he thought you look like someone who enjoys sex with women. Give the guy a break, Dom! Meanwhile, if any of you readers are hairdressers, go to the comments and explain your evil actions. And if any of you are hair perverts, you can also go to the comments and explain exactly why you keep bothering Maya:

I have a little dilemma that is slowly testing my passive nature. I’m black and people always touch my hair and want to play with it. I understand that the texture is different and somewhat intriguing, but I value my personal space. So, could you please answer me this: how do I tell people to stop touching me (even strangers) without coming across as rude and aggressive? I’m in danger of snapping someone’s hand off.

Wearing one of these might sort you out.

Subscribe with iTunes • Listen to episodes • Question Archive • FAQ
• App • Facebook • Twitter • Merch Superstore • YouTube Channel •

We’re back on October 7th. Click here to catch up!

Here’s a very substantial question Chris from Cardiff, Australia:

My parents have brought me up in a devoutly Christian home, they’ve taken me to church every Sunday (rain, hail, or shine) and ensured that both my brothers have married solidly Christian women. I’m almost 18 and I’ve begun to consider whether following in my family’s Christian footsteps is really what I want to do.

So answer me this: how can I tell my parents that I want to make my own choice about whether I do or do not go to church (or even where I go to church) without them bible-bashing me and having their pastor and youth coordinator “spontaneously” popping around for tea when they “didn’t realise no-one else was at home”?

This is a toughie, and as a second-generation Jewish atheist, I feel ill equipped to advise sensibly. But readers, many of you are bound to have been in similar circumstances. Recourse to the comments and help Chris tactfully insist upon charting his own course.

Subscribe with iTunes • Listen to episodes • Question Archive • FAQ
• App • Facebook • Twitter • Merch Superstore • YouTube Channel •

We’re back on October 7th. Click here to catch up!

Since we’ve been away, you lot seem to be getting yourself into all sorts of romantic pickles. Let’s race through a few of them in order of difficulty, and if you think you can help, post your advice in the comments.

First up, Roxanne:

I’m moving from Somerset to London for uni at the end of September, which will be one bitch of a commute every weekend to see my boyfriend (hello Ferdi). He doesn’t like the idea of phones because ‘people can track you with them’ and they’re a bit of a teen fad, but I think for a 150-mile long-distance relationship it might be a necessity. So answer me this: how do you convince someone who hates mobile phones to buy a phone?

Well, Roxanne, you could buy him a phone as a present; but from the little you’ve told us about him, you’d be better off buying him a tinfoil hat and Gene Hackman’s room from The Conversation so that none of those pesky phone companies can READ HIS THOUGHTS. Alternatively, he doesn’t want to be tracked because he’s on the witness protection programme, in which case, leave him alone. Next, Emily in Worcester:

To sleep with my best friend’s brother or no? Basically I want to and so does he, but we are forbidden by my best friend of 8 years. Is she being unreasonable, or is this a justifiable reaction to the sexual activities of her older brother and best friend?

A bit of both. There’s power play, in her forcing you to show that you both value her more highly than you do each other; on the other hand, she doesn’t want to play third wheel to a nauseating new couple. Either way, she’ll be a bit grossed out at the idea of her brother in sexual congress.

Now it’s time for Rochelle from Manchester, who presumes we don’t know what Barbados is but that we do know all about how to solve priapism:

I have a boyfriend from Barbados, it’s an island in the Caribbean, he’s a really awesome guy and everything but there’s just one problem (some might not call it one): he is very demanding when it comes to sex, almost insatiable. And he’s always thinking or talking about it. I told my friends and they say he’s probably a Don Juan.
Please answer me this: what exactly is this, and what should I do?

What you should do is stop showing off.

Finally, a question from Dy from Maryland:

A friend of mine, due to some “youthful indiscretions”, has 5 children by 2 mothers. After his last 2 kids were born within 27 days of each other he wisely decided to have a vasectomy since he knows that he can’t keep it in his pants and couldn’t afford any more kids. So answer me this: if his pipes aren’t connected anymore, what comes out when he “comes”? I haven’t gotten up the nerve to ask him and feel like asking you is much less embarrassing for both of us.

He sounds like the kind of man whose sense of shame would have necessarily evaporated some time ago. Ask him, then please report back to us so we all learn something.

Subscribe with iTunes • Listen to episodes • Question Archive • FAQ
• App • Facebook • Twitter • Merch Superstore • YouTube Channel •

We’re back on October 7th. Click here to catch up!

Here’s an email from David:

My friend (who shall remain nameless to protect their shame) organised for herself two internet dates this week. Now I know I could never go on said dates myself because, as with most literate middle-class men, I am completely socially-inept and cannot say that I have had a ‘boyfriend’ for more than a single evening. She was adamant that the first date would go badly and it did, but was much more optimistic about the second…which also went badly.

My questions are therefore so: firstly, surely you cannot go into these sort of dates with a negative attitude because then you know you will never get anywhere with them, will you? And secondly, have you ever tried it yourselves? I said earlier that I would never go on one myself but then, as I also said earlier, I don’t have much luck with the boys. So, finally, I guess, should I suck it up and give it a go?

So many questions! As we’ve all been off the market since before the internet was invented, readers, please go to the comments to tell us your liveliest internet dating stories, which will probably help David decide one way or another.

Subscribe with iTunes • Listen to episodes • Question Archive • FAQ
• App • Facebook • Twitter • Merch Superstore • YouTube Channel •