Answer Me This! Podcast

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Hello there, pals!

We’re all kinds of keen to present Answer Me This! Episode 36 to you. However our hosting company is being a cock – as is its wont – so if you have problems getting hold of this or any other of our episodes, we suggest you storm down to their head office and demand to see the manager.

Tripping forth from our dainty gobs this week are noises in the shape of:
Noel’s House Party
blowing up the world
back hair
entropy
Aerosmith
Zadok Zaltzman
Dexter Fletcher out of Press Gang
Princess Tiaamii Jordan-Andre
ceilidh
bearskin hats
Fergie (both kinds)
the B’n’B sandwich
and
personal topiary.

Now, we know it’s nearly the end of this post and you must be getting tired, but keep your attentive face on for another minute or two because we have two very exciting bits of news to share with you. Get ready, ‘cos here they come!

Bit the First: WE HAVE MERCH!!! To find out all about it, check out the Answer Me This! Podcast Superstore page, where all will be revealed about what podcast-related tat you can smash open your piggy-bank for. Or if you’ve already spent all your money on sweets, at least you can enjoy the pretty pictures.

Bit the Second: for next week’s episode (number 37, for those of you who have trouble with maths) we will be joined by almost-award-winning comedy team Pappy’s Fun Club! Following their recent appearance on the Annie Mac show on Radio 1, they now feel ready to come and duke it out with the big guns… So if you have a QUESTION that you think Helen and Olly might not be equipped to answer and would rather pose it to Pappy’s Fun Club instead, send it to the Question Line 0208 123 5877 or answermethispodcast@googlemail.com and perhaps wannabe question-answerers Matthew, Brendan, Ben and Tom can sort out all your troubles.

See you next week, for the results of AMT v. PFC – let’s hope it’s a pleasing collaboration, like Nick Cave and Kylie Minogue, rather than Posh Spice and Dane Bowers.

Helen and Olly

Add this episode to:
Subscribe with iTunes • Listen to previous episodes • Question Archive
FAQ • Facebook Fanclub • Merchandise Superstore • YouTube Channel

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Phew! Hallowe’en is finally over, so you can turn that wizened pumpkin into a nice soup and once again open your front door without fear of rampaging sweet-lovers (if only they thought to buy their OWN sweets, they wouldn’t have to waste all that money on rotten eggs and toilet paper! Tschhh). But brace yourself for some spooks and frights in Answer Me This! EPISODE 35.

This week we are Freaking the Hell Out about:

the loobrary
Nottingham council’s wacky measures
Interview magazine
the terrors of Thorpe Park
junkie animals
summer pudding
pennyfarthings
Office Angels vs. nepotism
actuaries
Pudsey Bear
James Blunt corrupting Sesame Street
Alcatraz mugs
Babylonian sexagesimal mathematics
Jeff the Jeffing Jeffers
Gropecunt Lane
and
snakebite ‘n’ black

Furthermore, Olly shows his blokey side , Helen pretends her childhood out-of-body experiences were COMPLETELY NORMAL, and Martin the Sound Man invents the finest slogan the Jobcentre could ever have. There’s also a bit of nasty crackling, which is no doubt Paranormal Activity and not because something got a bit bummed up technologywise.

Now, we’re stocking up on questions for winter like a squirrel hiding nuts in a tree, so if YOU want to help keep us busy, please send us YOUR QUESTIONS by phoning them into the Answer Me This! Question Line 0208 123 5877 (Skype name answermethis) or emailing them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

Until next week, when some Exciting Shit will go down, bye!

Helen and Olly

Add this episode to:
Subscribe with iTunes • Listen to previous episodes • Question Archive
FAQ • Facebook Fanclub • Merchandise Superstore • YouTube Channel

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Hello there, chums!

Dunno what you were doing last week, but Helen and Martin the Sound Man were stumbling through the set of a Major Motion Picture! Yes way! On their little trip to New York, they managed to walk through a shoot for the upcoming Sex and the City movie, and here is fuzzy pictorial evidence (click on it for a bigger, but no less fuzzy, version):

That’s right – celebrity chairs! Lordy, the reflected glamour.

Celestial delights in Episode 34 include:

luxury chocolate biscuits
Fred Savage
Gunther from friends
Donkey Kong
busty Julia Roberts
busty Helen Mirren
olive oil
Olive Oyl
Blitz beers
fruit graffiti
and
Penzance.

Also Olly turns into Jamie Oliver, Helen turns into T.S. Eliot, and Martin the Sound Man turns into late-90s Chris Evans with similarly deleterious results.

Now, we know there are still plenty mysteries in the world for us to solve, so help us out by sending some of the ones that are particularly vexing you to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leave them in voice-message form on Helen and Olly’s Question Line 0208 123 5877. Just like these lovely lads and ladies did! There’s nothing sinister about it, unlike joining the Moonies or hanging around your local branch of Iceland all day, hoping for a glimpse of Kerry Katona.

Until next week, bye!

Love,

Helen and Olly

Add this episode to:
Subscribe with iTunes • Listen to previous episodes • Question Archive
FAQ • Facebook Fanclub • Merchandise Superstore • YouTube Channel

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Oy listeners, cop a load of this:

Yeah, that’s right, suckers! It’s a baby! With a beard! You want more bearded babies? HERE are more, you pervy freaks! And if you’re wondering why we’re all het up about bearded babies rather than getting on with EPISODE 33, here is a SPOILER ALERT:

Martin the Sound Man
was
born
with
a
BEARD!!!!!!!!!!

Don’t believe us? Here’s proof! This is a picture of Martin today:

and here’s one of him as a newborn baby:

What a special fellow.

Cluttering up the place this week are such topics as:

clitoris/nose confusion
geriatric Jenga
From Dusk Till Dawn
bridge
the perils of cycling
Alf the Alien
the fifth floor at Olly’s work
cottaging in the Trocadero centre
burglarizing vs. burgling
and
Olly’s career as a child actor.

It’s also quite a musical episode, as Olly wreaks something wonderful out of a boring Anglo-Saxon poem and Martin shows off his jazzy talents. Helen also had a crack at that song about castles and crap that the little girl sings in Les Miserables, but we edited that bit out, encased the tape in concrete and dropped it into the North Sea. It’s in all our best interests.

Meanwhile, if you’d like to keep Answer Me This! ticking over nicely, please don’t hesitate to send in YOUR QUESTIONS for future episodes by leaving them in your most seductive voice on Helen and Olly’s Question Line 0208 123 5877, or emailing them in your sauciest font to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. That would make us giddy with delight, which is what we all want, no?

Until next week, bye!

Love,
Helen and Olly

Add this episode to:
Subscribe with iTunes • Listen to previous episodes • Question Archive
FAQ • Facebook Fanclub • Merchandise Superstore • YouTube Channel

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Hello there, palominos!

According to Jonathan Keats, we’re smack in the middle of the Season Of Mists and Mellow Fruitfulness, Close-Bosom [tee hee!] Friend of the Maturing Sun…

However, he died in 1821, 186 years before EPISODE 32 of Answer Me This! – so you can only imagine how much more peppy ‘To Autumn’ could have been if only he’d had a bit more foresight.

Amongst the topics ripening in our fruitbowl this week…

desecrating the queen
bilious frogs
dental nightmares
the Honeyz
creepy old Subway
plebby jalapenos
lovely lady lumps
Mystic Meg’s boobs
Olly’s gammy toe
and
Helena Handcart.

See? Helen and Olly rush in where Romantic Poets fear to tread!

What’s more, Helen reveals herself a secret tabloid-reading hypocrite, Olly describes his fantasy life as a gladiator, and everyone worships at the altar of Jonathan Cainer‘s incredible metaphors. How does the man do it?

As we’re sure Mr Cainer’s research will support, ’tis written in your stars that you should send in YOUR QUESTIONS for future episodes of Answer Me This! by leaving them in voice-message form on Helen and Olly’s Question Line 0208 123 5877, or emailing them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. And who are you to disobey the stars, eh? You really don’t want to get on the wrong side of them.

Until next week, bye!

Love,
Helen and Olly

Add this episode to:
Subscribe with iTunes • Listen to previous episodes • Question Archive
FAQ • Facebook Fanclub • Merchandise Superstore • YouTube Channel

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Well shiver me timbers if it ain’t time for EPISODE 31 of Answer Me This! kids! Actually no timber-shivering is currently required – which is lucky, because last time any of that kind of stuff went down, Martin the Sound Man was picking splinters out of his backside through the whole of Lent – because it very much IS time for Episode 31.

Topics lying in wait this week include:

cucumber contraception
plantar fasciitis
girls dressed as cats
bulk order of sanitary towels
the way to a lady’s heart
Denon hi-fis
ranting
the evils of Comet
and
the Times swimsuit supplement.

And as usual Olly says a thing, Helen says some stuff and Martin garbles like a man drowning in a tankful of Bovril – but MUCH MORE EXCITINGLY there is a mighty fine bit of listener-generated content which not only puts our usual shit to shame but also FINALLY lays to rest the Bremen debate from Episode 16. Thanks ever so much, questioneer Benjamin Partridge, for solving your own question with such dazzling aplomb.

Anyway, if you fancy sending us a QUESTION that you might end up answering yourself in four months’ time, leave it with your voice on the Answer Me This! Question Line 0208 123 5877 or email it to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. That would be quite a delight for us, really it would.

Until next week, bye!

Love,

Helen and Olly

Add this episode to:
Subscribe with iTunes • Listen to previous episodes • Question Archive
FAQ • Facebook Fanclub • Merchandise Superstore • YouTube Channel

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Hello there, friends!

It’s the 30th episode of Answer Me This! and Helen and Olly are broadcasting with all the gravitas and maturity you’d expect from seasoned podcasters. Viz, to wit, this week they misuse contraceptives, conduct dangerous experiments with mouthwash, and revive some 90s boyband horror

If you survived that, cop a load of Episode 30, in which we discuss such topics as:

Monopoly-related family breakdown
sexy stick insects
Beowulf
missed cake opportunities
Shakespearian June Sarpong
GSOH
Romeo the fickle lecher
Listerine
and
the Pope.

And if all that hasn’t completely tired you out, bombard us with YOUR QUESTIONS for us to answer in future episodes by leaving a message on Helen and Olly’s Question Line 0208 123 5877 or emailing them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. It’s a quid cheaper than texting AQA, and by gum it yields slower results too.

See you next week, yes? Yes!

Love,

Helen and Olly
Add this episode to:
Subscribe with iTunes • Listen to previous episodes • Question Archive
FAQ • Facebook Fanclub • Merchandise Superstore • YouTube Channel

!– TradeDoubler site verification 1656422 —

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Howdy, friends!

We’ve been away for a month but now we’re more back than bacon! It’s first day of Michaelmas term at Answer Me This!, so with sharpened pencils, shiny shoes and tidy but unflattering pudding-bowl haircuts all round, it’s time to unleash EPISODE 29.

And making the chalk squeak on the new blackboard this week are such topics as:
Edwina Currie’s steel undercarriage
knocking down the fourth wall of Dot Cotton
sexy William Hague
Rihanna’s canine soundtrack
yodelling
the downside of Jason Bourne
the Delphic Oracle
and
Gwen Stefani.

Also Olly fesses up to some fashion shockers, Helen reveals the truth about Princess Diana courtesy of her late grandmother, and Martin the Sound Man reveals his friends to be a bunch of amoral fibbers. Hands up who’s surprised?

We’d love to have a huge pile of YOUR QUESTIONS to keep us busy in the new series, so please send them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or call our Question Line 0208 123 5877 and ask them using your Own Voice. We know you want to – especially as quizzical frowning causes wrinkles.

Until next week, bye!

Helen and Olly

Add this episode to:
Subscribe with iTunes • Listen to previous episodes • Question Archive
FAQ • Facebook Fanclub • Merchandise Superstore • YouTube Channel

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Hello there, friends. How’re you doing? Going anywhere nice on your holidays this year? Olly is – he’s jaunting off to California to play Mischa Barton’s stunt double in The OC: Beyond the Grave, and accordingly Answer Me This! is taking a holiday too. Nowhere fancy, probably just to Auntie Bren’s bungalow in Colwyn Bay, but a change is as good as as a rest, eh? Anyway, until we return in mid-September, here’s EPISODE 28 to keep you going.

If you can refrain from shoving a stick of rock into your ears, you will hear such gobbets of fun as:

What the Butler Saw machines
The KFC Detritus Special
contraceptive nightcaps
porridge
Victorian genitalia
the truth about breadcrumbs
the allure of wicked stepmothers
Elizabeth Duke
and
sport sport bloody sporty sport.

Plus, Olly angles for some free jim-jams, Helen does some gender stereotyping, and Martin the Sound Man puts exercise in its place.

We’re sure going to miss you while we’re off on our break, so please do keep in touch by sending YOUR QUESTIONS to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leaving them on our Question Line, 0208 123 5877. Or feel free to send us a nice postcard with a bawdy pun on it. And be sure to check back here around September 14th, when we’ll return revivified for Michaelmas term.

So long!

Helen and Olly

PS. Big-ups to the amazing Kevin MacLeod of incompetech.com, whose marvellous Mariachi Snooze we poached for our own nefarious purposes.
Subscribe with iTunes • Listen to previous episodes • Question Archive
FAQ • Facebook Fanclub • Merchandise Superstore • YouTube Channel

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Giddy-up, friends!

Since unveiling our Skypetacular Answer Me This! Question Line a mere month ago, we’ve been mega-excited to receive all your calls. Especially the man who left the following message: “Er…This is a message for Stephanie…You spoke to my wife earlier, and she said you might be able to help us…” SURELY a call from a man seeking a threesome via a small ad in Loot. (Although we suspect the fire in his loins had been pretty effectively extinguished by having to sit through our lengthy Humorous Greeting.)

So, anyway, if you fancy checking out who else has been calling us with questions rather than bids to spice up a marriage, then you can listen to EPISODE 27, in which you can expect:

tuna sorbet
Little-Baby-Shits-Itself
John Leslie
Happy Holidays with Sandwich
unrequited toy-love
Scientists In Their Eyes
JPM quiz machines ❤ Ed Harris
what to do in the event of a terrorist attack
and
Barbie cake.

What’s more, Olly discovers some hellaweird videos in his flat, Helen contemplates booze-free romance, Martin the Sound Man vents spleen at happy-snapping tourists, and special guest Kate Thornton gives her opinion on creationism vs. evolution. All this and MORE! More, we tell you!

And if you fancy getting in on the action in future episodes, follow in the footsteps of these smart fellows by sending YOUR questions to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com emailwise or to 0208 123 5877 voicewise. But bear in mind it’s not one of those £2.99/minute sexy chat lines or anything. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth: a) calls cost almost nothing (or actual Nothing if you Skype us over the clever Skype), and b) cooling ardour has got to be one of our superpowers.

See you next week!

Love,

Helen and Olly

PS. In response to Martin the Sound Man’s when-I-was-a-lad-soft-drinks-were-delivered-to-your-door-by-a-Shetland-pony reverie from Episode 25, questioneer Robert from Dumfriesshire (nee Robert from Southend) sent in this comforting snapshot of Disappearing Britain:

Dumfriesshire, incidentally, Martin The Sound Man, still does have lemonade (and Irn-Bru!) delivered to your door! We also have a coalman, a local craftsman who specialises in “Joinery and Undertaking”, plus a shop that advertises itself as Hair, Beauty, Nails and Fishing Tackle.

See, Martin! It’s not ALL going to the dogs!

Subscribe with iTunes • Listen to previous episodes • Question Archive
FAQ • Facebook Fanclub • Merchandise Superstore • YouTube Channel

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Hello there, pals!

Phew! We’ve overcome our technology demons so hopefully the progress of Episode 26 to your ears will be unimpeded. And if it isn’t, we’re going to give up podcasting and take up semaphore.

All up in our grill this week are such matters as:

Olly’s Charm School
the peas=nukes allegory
The Longleat Chav Bus
Helen Sharman
The Ambassador’s decorative pyramid of shit
Kate ‘Mozzarella’ Thornton
tricky stain-removal
and
Mary J. Bilge

What’s more, Olly shows how not to fry an egg, Helen learns to rotate her head a full 360 degrees one piece at a time, and Facebook gives Martin the Sound Man the evils.

We’re very eager to answer yet more of your questions, so hurry up and email them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leave them WITH YOUR VOICE on Helen and Olly’s Question Line, 0208 123 5877.

Until next week, ta-ra!

Helen and Olly

PS And once again, don’t forget to go and see 16-year-old questioneer Matt Parker in his debut comedy show this Friday and Saturday, 9pm at the Liberties bar in Camden! More details at the bottom of last week’s post. We thoroughly recommend it.

Subscribe with iTunes • Listen to previous episodes • Question Archive
FAQ • Facebook Fanclub • Merchandise Superstore • YouTube Channel

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Hello there, pals!

Piss-drinking, incest, famous boobs – EPISODE 25 has got it all! Apart from class. But hopefully we can learn, eh?

In the AMT quarter-century celebration, your ears will be kept busy by:

deep fried mystery
Ronseal documentaries
marrying into your own family
Irn Bru vs. Urine
slapstick vs. torture
Guildford (hidden dangers of)
Biblical incest
peer pressure
Panorama
redundant Lisa Riley
and
Maury Povich.

Meanwhile, Olly contemplates becoming an internet porn magnate, Helen discovers that it’s far too dangerous to leave the sofa, and Martin the Human Beat Box gets shut down. It’s for his own good. Well, really it’s for all our goods.

Now, rather than writing to Dear Deirdre and running the risk of having your problem portrayed via the medium of busty ladies in their bras*, why not send YOUR questions to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leave them WITH YOUR VOICE on Helen and Olly’s Question Line, 0208 123 5877?

*Either we’re squares who haven’t noticed that the rest of the world conduct all their important business wearing only bras and miniskirts, or those things aren’t entirely realistic.

See you next week, little buddies!

Love,

Helen and Olly

PS. Teen sensation Matt Parker, who has been a Friend of the Podcast right from the beginning, is rather precociously doing an hour-long comedy show as part of the Camden Fringe, despite the fact that he should probably be concentrating on his A-Levels or something. It’s on at 9pm on the 3rd and 4th of August at the Liberties bar in Camden and you should totally go: he has been variously described as ‘extremely funny‘ by comedy legend Arthur Smith and ‘tiny wunderkind‘ by the smashing Josie Long, and Helen saw him do stand-up a few weeks ago and agrees wholeheartedly with these assessments. The Answer Me This! team are even going on a field trip to see the show, despite the fact that Camden is ages away from Crystal Palace and on the last field trip Martin the Sound Man was sick on the Waltzers.

Subscribe with iTunes • Listen to previous episodes • Question Archive
FAQ • Facebook Fanclub • Merchandise Superstore • YouTube Channel