Answer Me This! Podcast

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Hello there, dear people!

We fervently hope none of you were squished in the earthquake that shook the UK the other night. And that your favourite mug didn’t fall off the shelf or anything. We were very touched to receive the following email from Matthew in New Jersey, USA:

I’ve just seen on BBC there was an earthquake in UK. Helen and Olly and Martin the Soundman answer me this: ARE YOU OKAY?! I will refresh my itunes constantly as I nervously await your reply.

Bless you, Matthew. Although we were very confused when the sofa started trembling beneath us, all three of us are fine, and hence in fine fettle to bring you Answer Me This! Episode 47. Shaking our foundations this week are such topics as:

Absolute Balderdash
the real Cliff Richard
sharia law
Connect 4
Dr Ruth
Sylvester Stallone vs. Sylvester Stallone
Jesus vs. The Colonel
Lauren Bacall and Kathleen Turner vs. the ageing process
bucks vs. books
Aretha Franklin’s boobs
and
Bostonian trends of the 19th century.

Furthermore, Olly gets browned off, Helen gets dirty, and Martin the Sound Man gives the lowdown on the new Mariah Carey album.

As we’re still rather behind in answering all the lovely QUESTIONS you’ve been sending us, we’ll be responding to some of them on this very website in the coming days and weeks. But do not be deterred from sending us yet more! You can call our Question Line 0208 123 5877, Skype answermethis, or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, and consider it Doing Your Bit.

‘Til next week, bye!

Helen and Olly

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Howdy, pals! We trust you are well. No? Well, why the hell not?? Pah and calumny, we were starry-eyed fools to trust you…

We’re fine and dandy, thanks for asking. We put it down to a diet rich in kiwi fruit and fried breakfasts; and, of course, to the vitamin-enriched goodness of Answer Me This! Episode 46. It’ll give you strong teeth and bones, glossy pelt, and lustrous innards, but only if you play it RIGHT NOW. Like the dried fruity bits of a healthy serving of muesli, Episode 46 is enlivened by such topics as:

Keith Chegwin
Combat 18
Meat Loaf
stripy cardigans
Jonathan Ross
Rich Tea biscuits
Disneyland
Terry Pratchett’s Mort – adult version
acupuncture vs. voodoo
Poirot vs. battery hens
Weepy Fearnley-Whittingstall
and
Eric Morecambe.

Meanwhile, Olly fails to express his dark side, some of Helen’s cheapskate beauty tips backfire all over one teenage listener’s face, and Martin the Sound Man leaves off the sodding beatboxing just long enough to bust out his latest lovely little bit of song. (And if you like that, you should have a listen to his monthly musical podcast via his website.)

Now, even more than we enjoy potato waffles – which we enjoy a heck of a lot – we enjoy receiving YOUR QUESTIONS. We’re still a bit behind in answering a lot of them, but nevertheless we can’t help ourselves wanting MORE. So please send yours to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or our Question Line 0208 123 5877 (Skype ID answermethis). Together, we can crack the fundamental mysteries of life! Or at least think about them for a few moments before accidentally saying something vulgar about bottoms instead.

Until next week, bye-bye!

Helen and Olly

Save this episode to:
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Happy Valentine’s Day, listeners! We are, as per usual, feeling approximately as romantical as a potato waffle; but our former-English-student brains are pleased to discover that the whole thing was made up by Chaucer anyway. What a merry prankster. Those medieval poets were the Punk’d of their day.

Anyway, ain’t no trick to say that Episode 45 of Answer Me This! is waiting in its corsage and best frock for you to take it out for a spin, so don’t keep it waiting – and cluttering up the place like a three-feet-high teddy bear holding a loveheart are topics including:

crocodile tears
cut-price chocolate
the Norman Conquest
the secret lives of Michael Portillo and Diane Abbott
this fool
scampi’n’lemon Nik Naks
Jimmy Nail
Pudding Norton
jewfros
Judy Garland vs. Eva Cassidy
and
halitosis.

Plus, Helen reveals her youthful experiments with acid, Olly warns of his German singing doppelganger, and poor old Martin the Sound Man’s got a bad back. So, if any of you know a good osteopath, then hurry up and get in touch by emailing answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or calling our Question Line 0208 123 5877 (Skype ID answermethis). Which are also the appropriate means via which to send YOUR QUESTIONS, even if you haven’t got any information to impart about backs, bad, Sexy or otherwise.

Until next week, bye!

Helen and Olly

PS.If you’re keen to hear a bit more from Olly this week, and see his face at the same time, then be sure to catch him on Sky News at 7.30pm on Tuesday 19th February.

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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Well, listeners. It’s taken forty-four episodes, but it’s finally happened. What do you mean, what do we mean? Not us finally infiltrating the UK iTunes Top 10 (although that has happened!); not us at last giving our views on estate agents (although that has happened too!); but Martin the Sound Man getting his own podcast. Fortunately it’s not an Answer Me This! spin-off in which he only fields questions about physics or microphones, but a monthly showcase for the pretty music he makes in his spare time as one-man band The Sound of the Ladies. Download it via www.thesoundoftheladies.com, or subscribe via iTunes.

But fear not, Martin the Sound Fans: despite having gone a bit Artsy he’s still gracing Answer Me This!, as you will see if you listen to EPISODE 44, in which we’re getting all talky about such topics as:

the Nokia theme
battle-dress
wanky house-floggers Foxtons
exam technique
historical lies
Miss Marple
ex-council properties
burglars’ bowels
Podwatch
St Albans
and
Toys’R’Us.

Furthermore, Olly sheds light on Ladies’ Times Of The Month; Helen regrets her wasted youth; and Martin gets very very excited about the Francesinha sandwich. (Seriously, they taste much better than that particular combination of ingredients should allow.)

If YOU’VE got questions for us to answer in future episodes, call up our Question Line on 0208 123 5877, Skype us on answermethis, or email them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Apologies to anyone who has indeed done this yet is angrily awaiting a response; we’ve got a bit of a question backlog at the moment, but that doesn’t stop us wanting more. More! MORE!!!!!*

See you next week, cuties!

Helen and Olly

* If YOU in fact want a bit more Helen this week, you can watch her giving her views about things and stuff on Sky News tonight at 7.30pm, or listen to her in Radio 4’s Transatlantic with Rory Bremner and Andy Zaltzman (no relation).

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Big sweaty greetings to you, listeners! It’s tax return time, so if you’re busily trying to self-assess before the Inland Revenue come and break down your door at the strike of midnight on the 31st, have a listen to Episode 43 of Answer Me This! to cheer yourself up as you try to work out how to claim a wheel of brie and your mum’s birthday present as business expenses. In this week’s show:

Guylian
the Buggles
Bruce Springsteen
gay Dumbledore
Mannequin
bacteria
Buffalo Bill
Weightwatchers
Chloe from 24
Steve Lamacq
phones in the loo
and
gorgonzola.

Also, Olly rants about Lilliputian sweets, Helen suggests keeping eating and shitting separate, and Martin the Sound Man signs up to the Sound Man Foreign Exchange Program but finds the grass is not always greener.

Anyway, if YOU have got questions, let us have them! Leave them with your voice on our Question Line by dialling 0208 123 5877 or typing Skype ID answermethis, or email them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, and with any luck we’ll provide a sensible and entertaining solution in a future episode.

Bye!

Helen and Olly

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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Howdedo, friends!

It’s the start of the Seville orange season today, so we expect you’re too busy sterilising jars and boiling up a huge saucepan of marmalade to be reading this. However we can certainly recommend listening to Episode 42 of Answer Me This! as you go; it makes preserves set better. Amongst the jammy goodness, such topics as:

My Two Dads
jaffa cakes
parties
cucumbers
Sainsbury’s sturdy bags
Pepsi Max
huggable Helen
embarrassing parents
potato waffles
and
Bono

Moreover, Helen suggests an inventive recipe for Babycham, Olly rebels against Fancy Coke, and Martin the Sound Man says something gloomy about cancer and something filthy about Halfords.

That notwithstanding, there’s yet more excitement at Answer Me This! as this week Helen and Olly made their joint TV debut on Sky News, talking about their Luxembourg jape (probably the first time Luxembourg’s made it onto the news in quite a while). So if YOU want to book Helen and Olly to talk about a thing on your TV show or at your bar mitzvah, or to cut the ribbon at the opening of a branch of Londis, then GET IN TOUCH via our Question Line 0208 123 5877 or answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. They’ll even bring their own scissors.

See you next week!

Helen and Olly

PS. For all the people who’ve been asking where we got the Answer Me This bags we’re sporting in the Luxembourg film: have a browse in our Superstore.

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—

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Happy New Year, pals! So much has happened since we saw you last: we went to Luxembourg; we wrote an article, which appeared in the Saturday Telegraph; we got a shiny new graphic at the top of the website; and…well, that’s all the interesting stuff covered, anyway. But our excitement is bubbling over to such an extent that Episode 41 of Answer Me This! is our biggest ever episode! It’s a bumper start to 2008, featuring:

Jimmy Bond
Gentle Ben
brown sugar vs. white sugar
Kanye West
throwing cars down hills
Plopsiland
chainsaws
Attention Deficit Disorder
The Magus
the European Space Centre
zombies
The Princess Bride
and
Haribo Tangfastics

Plus: Olly says some inflammatory things about Wales; Helen chides Ginster’s pasties; and Martin the Sound Man mostly stays quiet because he’s busy daydreaming about one day owning a pair of THESE. Takes all sorts.

Answer Me This! has just had its first birthday, but rather than bestowing upon us presents of pewter tankards and tiny hats, we’d love it if you send YOUR QUESTIONS to our Question Line 0208 123 5877 or answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

See you next week!

Helen and Olly

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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Ho ho ho, listeners! Ho ho and verily ho again!

Yes, despite our Jewiness, we’re really getting into the Christmas spirit here at Answer Me This!, and have crammed Episode 40 full of festive treats, much like a Fortnum’s hamper or a Cadbury’s selection box. There are not one but TWO Amazing New Songs! Our dress a dog competition! And a brand-new Hairbrained Scheme!

This week we are holding forth about:

suffocation tips
Tom Baker’s books
Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito reunited
Joan as Policewoman’s saucy striptease
Judi Dench
Fox, Cox and their pet Ox
Marky Mark Wahlberg
Holly Hunter’s boobs
Dita von Teese’s scones
Lenny Beige
and
burnt breast implants.

You may also notice something very beautiful-sounding towards the end of this episode; it’s all thanks to super-troubadour Gavin Osborn, who has an album out called In the Twee Small Hours which would make a great Christmas present for absolutely anyone unless they have a heart made of spanners or no ears. So buy it from his record label or Amazon, or the Osborn himself if you happen to bump into him.

In addition, particular thanks must go to this week’s questioneer Dovy, who upon hearing us call for a listener to do what we are too lazy/incompetent to do ourselves and set us up a Bebo profile, did just that. Which was extremely kind of him. Unfortunately, proving that we are indeed too elderly for Bebo, in the process of editing our birthdate Helen managed to delete it. Shame on her. Thankyou for trying, Dovy, and sorry.

In better news, however, we’re Podcast of the Week in the Radio Times this week!

In bad news again, this is the last proper episode of Answer Me This! until 17th January. But in good news: for the next fortnight you can instead enjoy The Best of Answer Me This! 2007, with all our funniest fun bundled up into two commute-sized packages. Don’t let that stop you sending in QUESTIONS for us to get stuck into in the new year, though – leave a message on our Question Line 0208 123 5877 (Skype name answermethis) or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

See you next week, for some clip-show fun!

Helen and Olly

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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Top of the morning to you, homies!

It’s a great big love-fest at Answer Me This! this week, as delightful messages from you beloved listeners make Helen and Olly all warm and runny inside. Unfortunately their supper has a similar effect on Olly and Martin, but at least their intestinal gustiness stops things getting too soppy round the place.

The cud that we are chewing this week includes such topics as:

Jerusalem artichokes
camping (Olly’s unlikely fondness for)
Astigmatic Aid
Domino’s pizza (free)
the cinema-going habits of teenage boys
the Socialist Worker
porn and dry cleaning
baby carrots
eunuchs
Des O’Connor’s massive cucumber
vershtinkiner
shanks
and
baby oil.

Also Olly shows off his bilingual singing skills, Helen does her best Dervla Kirwan impression, and Martin the Sound Man analyses the survival habits of the middle classes in the wild. Watch out, David Attenborough!

As ever, remember to send YOUR QUESTIONS to our Question Line 0208 123 5877 (Skype name answermethis) or email them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com; and once you’ve done that, get on with decorating your dog for our competition which we unveiled in Episode 38 , and if you need yet further entertainment in the evenings, pop along to see Helen keeping quiet and doing embroidery in Josie Long’s ‘Trying Is Good’ at the Soho Theatre.

See you next week!

Helen and Olly

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It’s a lovely fragrant episode this week, as Helen and Olly try out bottom-of-the-line knock-off perfumes Live On Air and get high as kites in the process. They sure are wild for the rock’n’roll lifestyle! Luckily even all this dangerous living doesn’t stop them getting on with Episode 38, preoccupied with such assorted subjects as:

haggis
Condoleezza Rice
Waitrose Cow Sphincter
Hillary’n’Barack
McDonald’s
McDavid’s
Sean (Mc)Bean
square roots
King Solomon’s Mines
Thanksgiving
Pizza Hat
Alanis Morissette
Terry Pratchett
and
Glasgow.

Also, Olly’s dreams of a career in quantum mechanics are crushed, Helen hints that she may need some psychological counselling, and Martin the Sound Man holds the team together like a big hairy mother hen.

If that episode doesn’t already seem chock-full enough to you, listen up! There’s a competition afoot! Since we’re so excited about our sweet new Answer Me This! merch, and particularly this little chap –

– we’re really keen to see some Real Dogs wearing Answer Me This! clothes (even though dogs wearing clothes is completely obviating the fur Dame Evolution gave them). So we’ve decided to award one of these super-duper messenger bags –

– to the listener who sends in the best picture of a dog wearing an Answer Me This! dog t-shirt, from our Superstore or, even better, a HOME-MADE version thereof! If you can’t get hold of a real dog, then a dog substitute like a fluffy toy dog or dog-shaped loaf of bread will suffice.

The competition closes on New Year’s Day, so hurry up and start styling those hounds, and send your photos, as well as questions, to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com; and as usual phone in your queries, problems and quibbles to our Question Line 0208 123 5877.

So long, farewell, and see if you can spot Macy Gray namechecking Cilla Black in the video to ‘I Try’. Olly swears she does. She’s quite eccentric so anything is possible, I suppose.

Bye!

Helen and Olly

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