Answer Me This! Podcast

** Click here for Episode 156 **

I imagine quite a few of you have the same problem as Emily from Essex in the current Dark Economic Times. She writes:

I am currently one of the bazillions of university graduates who are unemployed at the moment. To make matters worse for myself, I stupidly decided to do a subject I enjoyed…English, renowned for its inability to get you a job. I’ve been trying to get into publishing but, seeing as the British Heart Foundation’s electrical shop recently rejected me, I don’t hold out much hope.

So answer me this: What can I do to stop myself going mental and flipping out? I’ve already contemplated getting an addiction just for something to do. I had around twelve cups of tea yesterday. It’s a slippery slope.

Emily could take a tip from HM Prisons Service, who try to stop their inmates flipping out by making them do useful tasks such as the laundry, the cooking, the mailbag-stitching etc. You could become the foremost mailbag-stitcher of your generation, which would give you something of an income on Etsy.

Anyone else who has a decent plan for Emily instead of twiddling her thumbs until they drop off, tell us it in the comments.

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** Click here for Episode 155 **

Cate in Glasgow has worked herself up into a bit of a tizzy:

I have just been asked on a date by a very nice boy, who is lovely, but not attractive. I have accepted because he was really nervous and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. But if he asks me to be his permanent girlfriend, how can I tell him ‘no’, without hurting him, and still stay friends with him? Also, what if the date is really really awkward? What should I do? Also what were your first dates like?

So many questions! Firstly: it might be better to wriggle out of the date beforehand, as you going on it might raise his expectations unfairly and make your subsequent romantic rejection all the more painful.
Secondly, if you don’t want to be asked to be his permanent girlfriend, try to behave like a complete arsehole on the date and then he won’t want to ask. He won’t want to stay friends either, but such is the pickle you’ve got yourself into.
Thirdly: since you don’t want to go on it, of course the date will be really really awkward. So don’t go on it. See my above point.
Fourthly: mine involved a trip to the cinema with a boy called John to see Naked Gun 2 1/2. Readers, tell us in the comments what yours were like!

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** Click here for Episode 155 **

A question now from Philip from London:

I have a job. It’s maternity cover, but I might be offered a permanent position even if the formerly-pregnant woman comes back. I don’t know for sure, so I’ve been looking into other jobs. If I get an interview for a job, how can I take the day off work, without anyone finding out it’s for an interview?

Tell them you’ve got a doctor’s appointment? That you’re going to a funeral (also explaining away your uncharacteristically smart attire)?

I’m not well-placed to answer this since it’s been many, many years since I had a job where anyone would have noticed my absence. So readers, step in and tell Phil in the comments how to dodge office scrutiny in this matter.

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** Click here for Episode 154 **

Don your mufti, gather your packed lunches and board the coach for a question from Andrew from Leeds:

My sister (13), has just come back from a school trip to lean about water usage and recycling – to a sewage works. Yes – it was as unpleasant and foul-smelling as it sounds, and after lunch, over half the kids refused to get off the coach. I think the smell was worse then my school trip to a Camembert factory a few years back.

You’re forgetting, Andrew, that school trips aren’t supposed to be fun. Even the ones that are supposed to be fun are not fun, because you’re there to learn, which of course is mutually exclusive to fun. Hence during my school trip to Chessington World of Adventures, we were forbidden to go on any rides because we had to fill in a questionnaire about wildlife. What did I learn from that? Some useful facts about wildlife? NO; we learnt the more important lesson that adults are cruel and life isn’t all fun and games, just as your sister learnt that life can be a big vat of shit.

So, answer me this – what’s the worst school trip you’ve been on when at school?

Readers, we sense you’ve suffered far worse than us during our adventures to the power stations and wildfowl centres of southern England. Take a trip to the comments to tell us about your dumbest, dreariest, or downright dangerous school trips. Best one gets to sit up front next to Teacher on the ride home.

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** Click here for Episode 153 **

Unlike any of us here at AMT, Ciorstan has the luxury of dumping someone over a completely spurious difference of opinion:

I recently stopped seeing someone after he told me he hadn’t read all the Harry Potter books because they were boring. Some of my friends think this was the right decision, others say I’m an idiot.

Answer me this: do you think this was a good reason to break up with someone?

Erm – no. Although if you’re willing to give someone the heave-ho over that, then you really weren’t in it for the long term anyway.

And what is the strangest reason any of you have ever dumped someone?

Um – because we didn’t love them any more? Because the prospect of spending any more time with them was unappealing? MADNESS.

But readers, go forth to the comments and tell us all about your arbitrary reasons for ending a relationship. You cruel, cruel people.

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** Click here for Episode 153 **

A seasonal question now from David from Dagenham, a man who might have inspired this, and definitely finds untimely death a hoot!

With halloween coming up I was thinking of costume ideas and was talking to some guys at work about it, as we are encouraged to dress up for the event every year.

Answer me this: what has been your best or worst costume idea?

Readers. You strike me as a bunch with truly spectacular records in fancy dress, and probably with similarly lax taste boundaries as David from Dagenham. So make haste to the comments and tell us – preferably including links to photographic evidence – of your zenith and/or nadir of novelty costuming. Can any of you compete with this guy?

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** Click here for Episode 152 **

Tsch, women! Bloody women! I say that on behalf of Tom, who has emailed us with some girl trouble of the unromantic kind:

Basic Summary – I’ve known a girl for about 4 years and we have been pretty close friends. Going to the cinema and for meals together (don’t worry this isn’t some silly teenage romance question).

Confront her? Ignore her? Try to maintain a friendship (not that I particularly want to now). I’m so confused.

Understandably so, Tom. Even if she ever gives you an explanation, it’s unlikely to be one which makes you any happier; so we recommend you cut your losses and fraternise with rather more inclusive friends. Even if they don’t have their own pools.

But readers, what would you recommend? Tell Tom your comforts or conspiracy theories in the comments.

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** Click here for Episode 151 **

Help a lover out, readers: apply yourselves to this problem from Anonymous Girl:

I’ve been seeing this lovely guy for about five months. He’s very affectionate and sweet and caring, but he’s never told me he loves me.

What should I do? What’s the normal time to tell someone you love them?

When you’re drunk.

Any other suggestions? To the comments, people!

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** Click here for Episode 151 **

Judge-a-book-by-its-cover Corner now, thanks to this email from Helen in Hertford:

My friend’s mum is always telling her to never trust a man whose eyes are too close together. So answer me this: is there any truth in this, or is she just a bit prejudiced against people who aren’t making full use of the space on their face?

Physiognomists, go to the comments and tell us whether there is indeed any evidence to back up this (clearly absurd) theory; everyone else, go there to tell us about your own ludicrous stereotyping. For instance, my friend Al never trusts someone whose surname can also be a first name. Madness, I know! OK, your turn.

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