Archive for the ‘Answer Us Back! Your time to opine’ Category

Gordon Ramsay’s next move

August 14, 2012

Hmm, this is a slightly odder odd couple than we had anticipated

CLICK HERE FOR AMT227

In AMT226 we speculated upon the next phase of Gordon Ramsay’s career, and whether it would entail one of those odd-couple road trips that are perennially popular amongst TV commissioners. Andy emailed us to say:

I was taking in my daily fix of MTV news, when I saw that Gordon Ramsay was apparently planning a Harley Davidson tour with….David Beckham.

Suspicions confirmed! Unless they’re doing that just as a mates’ holiday, and not actually televising it…no, impossible! What would be the point of that?

For a bit of fun, readers, go to the comments and pitch a non-culinary show for Gordon Ramsay’s career reboot.

I’m emailing Channel 4 now to suggest a mountaineering challenge series called Gordon’s Craggy Faces.

Missing the Olympics? Console yourself with AMT Sports Day

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crannies: always nook’s bridesmaid…

August 1, 2012

CLICK HERE FOR AMT225

Something unlikely in last week’s episode stirred the neurones of George here:

Regarding your offhand comments regarding the propensity of nooks by comparison to crannies: I though that crannies were the raised spaces surrounded by nooks. Thus, a cranny is defined by the absence created by nooks.

Assuming that is correct, then the world at large is mostly crannies, due to the relatively few nooks.

So, please answer me this, how far wrong is my assumption?

So far wrong that you are the very opposite of right, George! Observe how the dictionary defines ‘cranny’:

A small out-of-the-way place or obscure corner; nook.

If it’s any comfort, there IS another sense of cranny. But the dictionary has yet to validate it:


THE AMT SPORTS DAY: PERFECT WITH A SIDE OF OLYMPICS

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mugs for mugginses

August 1, 2012

CLICK HERE FOR AMT225

Henry has kindly written in to help prevent the hippies from ruining questioneer Sage’s friend’s hot beverages:

This should help the listener who needs the unbreakable mug:


Let us know whether that mug can survive a few rounds with the hippies, Sage. In fact, buy a range of different mugs, keep a spreadsheet of how each model fares over a few months in the squat, then in a few months try to get your findings published in an academic journal. I’m sure they’ve all been waiting for a comparative study of mugs versus hippies.

THE AMT SPORTS DAY: PERFECT WITH A SIDE OF OLYMPICS

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The Phantom of the Opera

July 31, 2012

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“Yikes! I think I just saw Gerard Butler skulking in the corner.”

Apparently if you’re born ugly, you’re allowed to act like a total dick! That’s what we have learnt from today’s lesson in classic French literature from Chris from Cardiff, Australia:

In AMT225, you discussed whether the Phantom is good or evil.

I can’t speak for Andrew Lloyd Webber’s intentions, but having read the original novel by Gaston Leroux I can say that his impression of Erik (the Phantom) is that he was a genius driven to a violent distrust of humanity resulting from being so hideously deformed from birth, and thus that his actions were the result of desperation. Erik’s actions were undoubtedly evil, but nevertheless he deserves to be pitied for the life he was forced to lead by society:

Poor, unhappy Erik! Shall we pity him? Shall we curse him? He asked only to be “some one”, like everybody else. But he was too ugly! And he had to hide his genius or use it to play tricks with, when, with an ordinary face, he would have been one of the most distinguished of mankind! He had a heart that could have held the empire of the world; and, in the end, he had to content himself with a cellar. Ah, yes, we must needs pity the Opera Ghost.

Of course, it’s hardly surprising that he turned out evil… There aren’t many “good guys” who would build a vast underground forest out of iron in which people could hang themselves or be baked alive.

Good point, Chris, but we should also bear in mind that anybody who decides to spend considerable time and resources building a fancy subterrannean torture chamber is probably evil beforehand, rather than becoming so as a result of having access to such a place.

Unless the Phantom did have perfectly innocent reasons for building it. Perhaps he had expected the baking-hot room with the iron trees would be the perfect place in which to dry his laundry. Even ugly opera ghosts should have the right to wear underwear that isn’t damp!

CLICK HERE FOR AMT225

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of a pair with the au pair

July 31, 2012

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Here’s another eerie case of mistaken identity, from Jen in Wisconsin:

One day I was out hiking while a football (American football) game was happening in the stadium downtown. When I got home, my answering machine was full of worried messages from far and wide inquiring after my health and safety, sympathies, and telling me not to worry about coming in to work the next day.

Baffled, I returned one of the calls to discover that there had been a stampede of fans at the stadium earlier in the day, and the media had gotten many shots of a young woman who must have looked terribly similar to me trapped against a chain fence and crying. It had been picked up by CNN and run nation-wide, hence the phone calls.

Several years later, I was in a bar, when a somewhat older man asked me out on a date. He remarked that he and his wife were splitting up, and how much I resembled his kids’ former au pair. (Won’t go into the creepiness factor of that here.) I responded that that was the second time I’d heard I had a twin in town, and I repeated the story I just told you. Small world – his French au pair was the girl who had been at that football game and had gotten caught in the crush. I’m happy to say that she was, in the end, all right. I’m sure her family got her the hell out of America after that.

And did you get the hell out of that bar, Jen, or do chat-up lines about au pairs’ near death experiences actually work?

CLICK HERE FOR AMT225

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j’accuse

July 25, 2012

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The father of AMT223‘s Nick from Orpington is not the only one of you to be falsely accused of murder! Please tell us in the comments whether you have been too – and take note of the keyword FALSELY – after reading this tale from Neil from Cornwall:

Several years ago I was in a car park in North Wales in my capacity as a sales rep. Having parked my car, I saw a police officer making her way slowly towards me and braced myself for the obvious, “You can’t park here”, or maybe “Is this your car, sir?”

What she actually said was: “The reason I came over to speak with you is that you match the identity we have been given for the suspect in the Jill Dando murder case!!!!”

I couldn’t quite believe it, but she took down all my details and radioing them through to her head office. Obviously it became apparent that I wasn’t the person who had murdered Jill Dando, but it did make for a funny story when I finally got home.

Also, being from Cornwall…..OF COURSE you put the jam on the scone first and put the cream on the top… why would you do it the other way around!

Jam first? That’s exactly what a murderer would say, Neil. I’m forwarding your email straight on to the Cornish Police.

CLICK HERE FOR AMT224

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The Girl with the Unnecessary Title Change

July 25, 2012

CLICK HERE FOR AMT224

To add to last week’s conjecture about the reason for the BLATANT MISTRANSLATION of the Millennium Trilogy’s titles, Jessica writes:

I thought that The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo didn’t use the original name Men Who Hate Women in English because there is a self help book for women in abusive relationships with a similar name already: Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them: When Love Hurts and You Don’t Know Why.

Could get confusing!

Sure…but if people are liable to confuse a 10-year-old self help book with a Scandinavian crime novel/publishing phenomenon, then they probably aren’t all too likely to be able to get through either book, are they? Similarly, anybody who bought a copy of The Holy Bible by the Manics and sprinted back to Our Price the following day shouting, “I thought I was buying an audiobook of a sacred text, you bastards!” needs to have their credit cards impounded.

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Killer Net U

July 18, 2012

CLICK HERE FOR AMT223

I’m surprised to discover that it is not only Olly who decides his tertiary education venue via late-90s TV dramas, as recounted in AMT222; Phil from Biggleswade is also that sort of reckless student:

I too was gripped and thrilled by 1998 classic Killer Net, starring Paul Bettany (the albino goddy bloke in Tom Hanks’ factual exposé “The Da Vinci Code”, and the voice of Robert Downey Jr’s computer in the Iron Man films) and in fact have strong recollection of recording this onto a VHS cassette which I believe is still living in a box at my mother’s house “just in case I need to re-watch it one day.”

Rather sensationally, my top choice was the University of Surrey in Guildford, where incidentally the university scenes of Killer Net were filmed despite the rest of the series being shot in Brighton. Rather like Olly, the decision to apply there may have been influenced at least in part by the Channel 4 blockbuster, as well as the awesome Jim Al-Khalili and the great reputation for physics.

A young (25 years old!) colleague of mine stared at me in disbelief when I mentioned that I still have old VHS tapes sitting in a box somewhere and so please answer me this: do you still cling onto articles of yesteryear technology (such as VHS cassettes) ‘just in case’ you might want to revisit them?

Of course! A box of videos still resides beneath the sofa (including Tom Waits’s Big Time and the BBC adaptation of The Box of Delights), but we no longer have a video player. I have, however, disposed of my minidiscs.

Readers, tell us in the comments what you’ve got stashed away, just in case you wake up one day and the past twenty years’ technological advances are wiped from history.

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Disney castles

July 18, 2012

THE ANSWER ME THIS! SPORTS DAY IS OUT NOW

Apropos of the prime real estate that is the Disney castles, as discussed in AMT223, Peter from Oxford writes:

The different Disneylands have different castles. Whilst Olly is very correct in saying that Disneyland (as in the California one) is Sleeping Beauty’s castle, as does EuroDisney (her European holiday home perhaps), Disney World Florida has Cinderella’s castle.

But – but – Cinderella doesn’t have a castle! She’s a kitchen slave! Therefore, in the interests of accuracy, Disney World Florida ought to bulldoze the castle and replace it with ‘Cinderella’s dank basement kitchen and scullery’. The kids are gonna love it.

The kids are definitely gonna love Chris from Belfast, who has been in touch to tell us how one can become a real Disney princess for the night! He writes:

I just thought I would let Olly know, as he loves all things Disney, that the castle in Walt Disney World houses an apartment that you can stay in for a night, as is usually offered in Disney competitions.

Wow. Check out the photos. Olly has pinned them on his inspiration board for when he redecorates his bedroom.

CLICK HERE FOR AMT223

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“Hard day at the office, dear?”

July 4, 2012

CLICK HERE FOR AMT221

Our pornography expert listeners have written in to elaborate upon the origins of the money shot. Dennis says:

In a porn film, it’s called the money shot not because it cost the most but because unless the male star ejaculates he doesn’t get paid; they will then call on a ‘stunt cock’ who will knock one out and claim the money. Hardly seems fair, but all male porn stars know this when they sign on.

Kristian adds:

‘Money shot’ has come to mean a scene that is disproportionately expensive to the rest of the production. When studios make use of a ‘stunt cock’ where an actor finds he cannot deliver, it raises the cost of that final scene due to the extra expense of the ‘stunt cock’. You actually get more money for the moment of ejaculation than the rest of your contract, as it is after all what the audience is paying for.

Stunt cock sounds like a wonderfully edifying career with great security and plenty opportunity for personal growth.

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man on pole

July 4, 2012

THE ANSWER ME THIS! SPORTS DAY IS OUT NOW

Following Eleanor from Norwich‘s request in AMT221 that we desexify pole dancing, Jay in Manchester has been in touch to say that not only is pole dancing NOT SEXY, it’s also NOT GIRLY:

I thought I’d let you know that a lot more guys do pole dancing than you might think! Though I agree with Eleanor that pole dancing is very sporty and requires exceptional core muscle strength, it does need more recognition as a great non-slutty sport which has the side benefits of transferable skills in the bedroom.

I’m sure many people wouldn’t find this sexy, but I include a video of my boyfriend from some years ago and I find it delightful to watch. I’d recommend that you put this up on your website too to try and break the perception that pole dancing is a supremely girly thing to do.

As footsoldiers in the war for gender equality, we oblige:

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double-ended ice cream

July 4, 2012

CLICK HERE FOR AMT221

Sam in Sheffield‘s question about icecreamlollies has dredged up your childhood memories of this icy compound; but none can agree on the correct terminology. Says Chris in Worcester:

An ice cream with an ice lolly plonked in the top is known as a Popeye and they’re not a new thing. I used to have them all the time from the ice cream van growing up in the 80’s in sunny East Grinstead.

However Dave refutes:

I can confirm that ice creams with rocket lollies in them were available from any reputable ice cream man in Portsmouth in the 70s. They were either referred to as Witch’s Hats (because upside down the the rocket lolly looked a little like a persons silhouette and the cone like a pointy hat) or Pokey Hats (presumably because it was a lolly poked in an ice cream cone).

I don’t want to cloud the pool of evidence, but I saw this last Sunday on an ice cream van in north London and now I don’t know who or what to believe:

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