Author Archive

further adventures in celebripissing

November 14, 2013

CLICK HERE FOR AMT277

Your wonderful tales of Piddling With The Stars are still trickling in; here’s one from Leon in Aberdeen:

I pissed next to Johnny Vegas backstage at ITV; he was recording QI there, I was a contestant on Tipping Point. Was going to ask for a photo, thought better of it.

I also got changed next door to Stephen Fry that day! 😮

Best day ever.

Here’s another comedian-heavy celebripiss from Jon:

I hit the men’s room after seeing The Dirty Projectors at Lincoln Center a few years ago. There were three urinals; the outside two of which were occupied by Jason Sudekis and Andy Sandburg from Saturday Night Live, chatting. I panicked for a second, then thought better and used the toilet stall.

Entrepreneurial celebripisser Phil writes:

I once stood next to Richard Branson at a urinal in a medium posh London hotel. It was some kind of Industry awards evening. I think I tried to engage him in some meta-chat about how he must have random people chatting to him all the time, he was chatty enough but finished up quickly and headed off. I do not recall seeing his cock.

And here’s a political celebripiss from Chris from Crystal Palace

I was once at a charity conference and went to the toilet, only to have the then Home Secretary David Blunkett hand me his guide dog while I was urinating. I think he confused me for his aide.

Are you dextrous enough, Chris, to control the dog and your urination at the same time? If not, this could have ended rather badly. And smellily.

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sick note

November 7, 2013

No new podcast today because I’ve lost my voice! You: “That’s no disadvantage, Helen.” Me: “Hey, go fuc-cough cough cough cough cough cough coughcoughcoughcoughcough… sigh.”

To fill the silence in your headphones, you could catch up on recent AMT episodes, attempt some classic episodes, treat yourself to one of our hour-long albums, listen to some of the podcasts we like, try my Sound Women podcast or Martin the Sound Man’s Brain Train, Sound of the Ladies or Global Lab podcasts, or sign up for our free one-month LoveFilm trial and watch all of The West Wing and 24.

That should keep you going until AMT278 next week.

H biohazard

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celebripees roundup

November 7, 2013

lmhope

CLICK HERE FOR AMT277

Since AMT277, your tales of celebripees have been, er, flooding in. Here are some you’ve shared over Twitter and here are some more. Dan from Melbourne writes:

I was in a cafe in Wellington, New Zealand where I went to the toilet and Billy Connolly was in there at the basin washing his hands. I said “Hi, I’m a big fan.” Billy then made a joke about the chair he had broken minutes before.

Jack has also pissed in the vicinity of a comedian:

I urinated next to Norman Lovett after he did a gig at our SU once. I texted my friend to tell him so. Mad props.

Phil from London managed a comedian/pop star double celebripiss:

A couple of years ago I was working in the O2 arena in London, in the private boxes doing bar work.
In a break I went to the toilet, and found myself having a piss between Michael McIntyre and the short one out of JLS.
I had been serving them throughout the evening, and talked to them a bit, but as the rules of the mens toilets go, no conversation happened urinal to urinal.

Oscar from Swansea has also effected a musical celebriwee:

In 2003 I was working on the second and third stages of the Guildford music festival Guilfest with a group of university crew who assisted there every year.

On the last night of the festival we usually got invited backstage of the main stage to help drink the leftover riders.

That year I was sporting a broken wrist and I bumped into Alice Cooper at the backstage portacabin type urinals. He commented on my cast and asked how I got it, as one of his roadies had a similar injury.

We chatted for a bit longer outside the toilets before we got on with our evenings. Thoroughly nice bloke – a lot more down to earth than some of the acts a fraction as famous.

Steve from Pennsylvania, however, illustrates the downside of a lavatorial encounter with a musical icon:

A number of years ago, I went to see one of my favorite bands, Nothington, at a local, rather run-down bar. I figured I’d go to the bathroom a few before the band came on, and barged right in.

Unfortunately, it was a one-person toilet facility. There in all of his glory, was the leader singer going No. 2, on full display. I apologized, and made a quick exit. However, I could not fully enjoy the show, as I could only picture the singer during the show sitting on the toilet.

And now a celebripiddle with a touch of Hollywood glamour, from Jason:

At the Jefferson Hotel in Richmond VA sometime in late 2000, I went the the bathroom and found myself taking a whizz with Anthony Hopkins. He was in town filming Hannibal with Julianne Moore, who I sadly did not meet in the bathroom, or anywhere else.

I saw him later in the restaurant of the same hotel but did not speak to him either time as I assume he must get sick of being recognized all the time.

However a friend of mine did get to speak to him as the Jefferson had a deal with the YMCA across the street that allowed guests to use the gym there. After his work out Hopkins left and my friend noticed he was still carrying the Y towel he had been given. Anyway my friend who was working the front desk at the Y let him leave and walk halfway down the block just so he could run after him and point out his mistake. He was very gracious and apologetic.

And finally, a Dame Jud-wee from Ellie from Glasgow:

During a short stop on a long drive from glasgow to the north of Scotland I peed in a public toilet next to Dame Judi Dench. I was not aware it was her until we both went to the sink and I looked in the mirror to fix my hair and saw her. I just smiled, walked out and told my mum waiting outside who proceeded to shout at the top of her lungs “OMG really!” then shouted across the car park to my dad that I had a pee next to Judi Dench!

Rules of celebripiss etiquette: play it cool. That includes you, MUM.

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EPISODE 277 – Millennium Bug Minister

October 31, 2013
Dinosaur-themed adventure golf!

Dinosaur-themed adventure golf!

This week’s episode comes from AMT’s rural outpost: Olly’s new house in the countraayyyyyy. And you know who else lives there? Of course it’s Olly’s beloved cat COCO! Listen carefully for her special guest appearance in Answer Me This! Episode 277:

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We discuss:

the man who can fry his own hands
dinosaur-themed minigolf
YouTube tutorials
‘vlogging’
golf sales
godparents
the Millennium Bug
Echo and the Bunnymen
Bob Dylan vs Paul McCartney
the royal death light
and
paruresis.

Plus: Olly prefers silence and privacy during lavatory-time; Helen does not endorse the Divine Right of Kings; and Martin the Sound Man destroys Olly by winning Coco’s affections (and eating all the chocolate buttons). Look at him, brazenly wooing her away from the Mann who loves her most.

Martin steals Olly's cat's love

Martin steals Olly’s cat’s love

In this week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices, Android and Windows) Olly betrays his younger self by not bothering to meet Jason Donovan.

Please do bother to send us your QUESTIONS: leave voicemails on the Question Line (call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis) and send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

Thanks to listener Gil8ert for the jingle, to pod-colleague Roman Mars for calling in, and to squarespace.com for bringing you this episode. To get 10% off their myriad wonderful website-building services, remember to use the code Answer10.

In the words of Atomic Kitten, see ya!

Helen & Olly

AMT277 Child-Friendly Rating: 76%. A handful of swears. Reference to a blowie. Discussion of weeing adjacent to famous people. Could be a lot worse.

PS:

Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween

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Hung prototype

October 30, 2013

hung-season-three-blu-ray-large

CLICK HERE FOR AMT276

AMTlistener Robbie has cottoned on to the SCANDALOUS Hollywood epidemic of plagiarism and plot-recycling:

I definitely definitely definitely remember sitting up at 3 in the morning sometime between 2006 and 2010 watching a movie with the EXACT PLOT and virtually every cast member of the HBO programme Hung – but every time I’ve tried to do find out anything about this definitely existent film Google’s just come back with nothing…

The film I saw was lighter than the show – less gratuitous swearing and cock/fanny shots – and the lead character’s wife was NOT played by Anne Heche as she is is the show – she was played by Hope Davis. One or both of the lead character’s kids may have been cast differently, too…

Answer me this! Is it possible that there WAS a film of hung made before the 2009 show that was so crap that HBO had it buried – deleted from the internet?

Everyone I’ve told about this secret Hung movie thinks I’m crazy but I DEFINITELY REMEMBER WATCHING IT!!! And I think HBO are powerful enough to erase something from history, don’t you? I mean if they thought they could remake something better but didn’t want the crappy original looming o’er the project couldn’t they just sweep it under the rug so to speak???

Readers, if you have any idea what Robbie’s on about, tell him the title of this prototypical Hung thing.

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just the tonic

October 30, 2013

20110418-tonic-water-taste-test-bottles

CLICK HERE FOR AMT276

Here’s a question of quinine-filled drinkies from Garry of Sussex:

I’m a teetotaller but my favourite soft drink is Indian tonic water (the only one sold in pubs that isn’t too sweet).

But being an adventurous sort, given that I don’t drink it with gin/vodka, what might be a great way to mix it? I’ve tried lime cordial (boring) and Vimto (smelt great, tasted nasty).

Readers, repair to the comments to suggest delicious non-alcoholic tonic concoctions to Garry.

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Birmingham, city of dreams

October 29, 2013

Bham-City-Centre

CLICK HERE FOR AMT276

In AMT277 we asked you to supply your favourite underwhelming Birmingham facts. Nick sent us this droll story about how Birmingham, Alabama inadvertently used their skyline, while Michael wrote in from under that very skyline:

I’m currently unlucky enough to live in Birmingham, and have lived here all my life. I don’t know where the people you’ve spoken to have been in Birmingham, but I can honestly say the place is a complete dump. Anyway, that’s my opinion!

I have four facts about Birmingham. All of them are as useless as the next.

1) Birmingham has the largest City Council in Europe. Fact. (This isn’t a good thing, see fact 3.)

2) Birmingham has the longest single bus route in Europe. The Number 11 Bus route is something like 26 miles long. I don’t know exactly, and I don’t have time to Google it.

3) In Birmingham no buildings compliment each other. Take the new Central Library, it’s a complete eyesore. It’s also very different to the rep theatre next door to it, and different again to many of the buildings on Broad Street and the surrounding areas. This is due to the size of the council and their planning department, so it’s often the case building plans are not dealt with by the same people, so a consistent design isn’t kept to.

4) The old Central Library in Birmingham, that the new one replaced, has had many people try to save it from demolition. For a time, the City Council refused point blank every request, until they were asked. It turns out that the whole place is subsiding. And when you see the size and complexity of the building, it’s apparent that it’d cost a shed load of money to save.

I do have, however, one interesting fact about Birmingham:

1) Cillian Murphy, the main protaganist of Peaky Blinders, worked behind the bar of The Garrison
pub during Birmingham City home games to learn the Birmingham accent.

The gauntlet has been thrown down, readers. Do you have an underwhelming fact about Birmingham, or your own home town, that can beat a Peaky Blinders location research fact?

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EPISODE 276 – artificial hardship

October 24, 2013

19831__exorcist_l
Hello listeners,

As Halloween approaches, in Answer Me This! Episode 276 we wonder how it is that in films, adorable little girls become UTTERLY TERRIFYING. See above. Then listen below:

Subscribe to AMT! on iTunes listen to the MP3 through your computer soundcloud-icon our podcast feed on Libsyn Share with Facebook

We also consider:

Cineworld Stevenage
Stars in their Eyes
the most tree-filled city in Europe
pound shops
Lisa Stansfield
working night shifts
Freddo bars
Bon Jovi vs Dr Alban
Midlands canals vs Venetian canals
the Clee Hills vs the Urals
the Torquay Eye
Chinese restaurants
Stoptober, Movember and Dickember
and
balti.

Plus: Olly gets busy with the passover plate; you can sponsor Helen next time she’s buying posh chocolate; and Martin the Sound Man gets a whole question about his birthplace, Birmingham! Beware: the Brummie beast is unleashed…

In this week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices, Android and Windows) we tackle a question from Ali from Cambridge, who after her recent break-up is gripped by the urge to chop her hair off. Classic technique, Ali.

We do want your whelming facts about Birmingham, or even your own hometown, but most of all we want your QUESTIONS: leave voicemails on the Question Line (call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis) and send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

See you next Thursday,

Helen & Olly

AMT276 Child-Friendly Rating: 87%. A couple of swears, though the strongest are quoting a child, Regan in The Exorcist.

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portrait-hater unmasked

October 23, 2013

CLICK HERE FOR AMT275

AMTfans, it’s very important that you understand the consequences of asking us a question. By emailing or voicemailing your question, you are giving us permission to use it in a public form. And we are NOT responsible for the consequences in your own private life.

And lo, following the question of yucky child portraits in AMT275, we received the following email from Jenny:

Instead of just letting your wife’s godmother paint a portrait of your children and hanging it in the spare room, it turns out the correct way to handle the situation is to submit a question to the favourite podcast of your wife’s eldest niece, of whom a portrait has already been painted, under the name of ‘Dave’, and then the said niece accidentally blurts out the entire thing to her favourite auntie…

Oops, sorry uncle Dunstan :/

Ruh roh! If it’s any comfort, Daveunstan, now that your secret is out, you probably won’t have to worry about your godmother-in-law bothering to paint your children any more.

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Pumpkin spice and all things nice – that’s not what lattes should be made of

October 23, 2013

pumpkin-spice-latte-sign-785463

CLICK HERE FOR AMT275

In response to last week’s contemplation of pumpkin spice lattes, Richard sent in this informative history of the concoction, in case you were curious.

Elise has sent something stronger – a cupful of piping hot rage:

Really Olly? Americans are children because we like pumpkin spice lattes? That’s an ironic statement coming from the man who’s so infantilized that he regularly goes to Disney World and will happily tell people that he went to a character breakfast with Mickey. On purpose!

A man who is probably trying to convince his fiance that a Disney wedding would be romantic. A man so infantilized that when the store keeper told him how to take care of his furniture purchase he was appalled that he might have to do some work and take care of his toys.

You’re the child, Olly. Grow up.

Why would Olly grow up, Elise? The life you’ve described sounds amazing! Unlike a cup of coffee flavoured with gourd.

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the willy maze

October 23, 2013

CLICK HERE FOR AMT275

Hey fellas! Rebecca from Oxford wants to get into your pants. Sort of. She has emailed in about what she terms ‘the willy maze’:

I noted a few weeks back a chap asked what the point of those spare buttons on shirts was.

I understand their purpose, and am grateful for their existence.

However, I do not understand the purpose of the little peep flaps on boxer shorts (and any other male underwear), and their little buttons.

I have asked my male friends, they say “No! We do not use them, we do not need them.”

As a nurse I find them rather handy for threading a catheter through, but the average male does not have a catheter. I can manage lady catheters without them.

So, answer me this: do you make full use of all the boxer short features, or do you like me agree it could be done away with, thus saving the fashion industry millions?

Gentlemen, offer your opinion:

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don’t eat the crayons

October 22, 2013

CLICK HERE FOR AMT275

Mira has written in to warn against the crayon diet of AMT275:

While most people consider crayons non-toxic it is important to note that the paraffin is most likely made from petroleum (although it could also be made from coal extract) and the colors are pigment powders probably also made from petrochemicals.

A study from the University of Southhampton, published in The Lancet, showed a clear correlation between increased hyperactivity and ingestion of artificial colours. There are now some studies which are looking into the possibility of a link between petroleum products and carcinogenic effect.

So eating crayons is probably not as harmless as most people think it is.

Useful to know, Mira; and readers, remember: enjoy crayons responsibly.

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