March | 2010 | Answer Me This! Podcast

Archive for March, 2010

Jewish conspiracy and shoe-ish conspiracy

March 10, 2010

Here’s a blow, following Episode 125. It has been delivered by Daniel from Borehamwood:

Sorry Olly – Bootleg is already a brand. It’s Clarks shoes’ teenagers’-shoes-section.

Dammit dammit dammit! Olly’s pun-based shoe-shop will have to remain buy a dream. FOR NOW.

Eeva from Turku, Finland

In episode 125 you claimed that you had not previously talked about your secret zionist names. You have. Since episode 60 anyway. I would point out the episode, but having just listened all available Answer Me This! episodes in 42 hours, I snapped my happy muscle. From over-exhaustion. Or just OD’d.

These events now lead me to ask; How are you going to make up this horrendous oversight to dedicated podcast listeners? Our (My) delicate feelings cannot bare to see you forget such important piece of banter. We demand answers. How did this happen, and are any of you considering your resignations?

We’ll tell you how it happened: as soon as we say anything on the podcast, it vanishes from our brains, forever. So unless someone volunteers to transcribe and memorise our entire back catalogue, then stand in the AMT studio rapping us on the knuckles whenever we retread an anecdote – and trust me, YOU DO NOT WANT THAT JOB – these repetitions are going to happen. Since we haven’t resigned over our various mistresses, frauds, embezzlements, insider tradings and fake sick-leaves, we’re going to resist the calls to do so over Schloymergate; but when the day comes that more than 60% of an episode of Answer Me This! is composed of Golden Oldies, you can take us down.

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Tags:Judaism, names, shoes
Posted in Answer Us Back! Your time to opine | Leave a Comment »

Diddle-di-de-dee! Two ladies!

March 10, 2010

** Click here for Episode 125 **

Here’s a situation none of us have ever been in, because we’re too boring/unattractive – thanks for rubbing that in, Fraser! He asks:

Recently I’ve been seeing two women who I fancy, one who I really connect with and another with ROCKING TITS!!!

Last weekend I was feeling adventurous and decided to rotate them over the weekend such as one Friday then the other on Saturday and so on. I did this to finally figure out which one I wanted to be with. Well, over the course of dinner on Sunday (with the one I connect with), I accidentally called her by the wrong name. Which led to questions which then led to a very smooth lie which I miraculously pulled out of my ass.

This lie was so well-crafted that now I have to make sure to remember it so that if it ever comes up in the future I don’t screw things for myself. My question is this, have you ever been in a situation where you’ve told a lie that then had to become truth in order to save face?

As we might have some lie-truths still in play, we’re reluctant to declare our deceits in a public forum that our lie-victims might peruse. But fearless readers, are you less chicken than us? Tell us your fibs in the comments!

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Tags:infidelity, sex, tits
Posted in extracurricular questions, User-generated answers | Leave a Comment »

Four weddings and another wedding

March 9, 2010

** Click here for Episode 125 **

Even though all three of us are spinsters (sob!), we enjoy you asking us about weddings. We were, however, very surprised when Xavier sent us one such question, seeing as he has more matrimonial experience than all of us combined. He asks:

I have been married 4 times already despite never ever asking anyone to marry me, and ending up with some really evil fuckers. I have finally met someone really special and am thinking of asking her to marry me,

I have previously been married in a church, a registry office, on a beach in a foreign country and at Gretna Green, my questions is this where do i get married now that would be different?

I see you haven’t done a Vegas wedding yet, but seeing as they all seem to have a fairly short time limit, we think it’s best avoided. We also note that you’ve done church, but not synagogue; perhaps it’s time to explore some other faiths, just to add cultural variety to your nuptual history.

Between us we’ve been to some very jolly weddings beneath a waterfall, on top of a hill, in museums and in a zoo; and we do enjoy those pictures in the tabloids when couples get married underwater with scuba gear, or jumping out of planes, or in the joinery aisle of B&Q. But as we don’t know whether the future Mrs Xavier V is aquatic/adrenaline-chasing/Handy Andy, we can’t give you a solid plan. But perhaps YOU can, readers? Head to the comments and tell Xavier where to have his fifth wedding! The person with the best suggestion gets to be a bridesmaid.

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Tags:love, marriage, weddings
Posted in extracurricular questions, User-generated answers | 3 Comments »

EPISODE 125 – Spam bam thankyou ma’am

March 4, 2010

Well, hello there!

After a refreshing month in the Podcasters’ Rehabilitation Facility, we’re back with springs in our step, twinkles in our eyes, and most importantly (as far as you’re concerned), Answer Me This! Episode 125:

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Into which vessel we pour such conversational juices as:

Jason Orange
henbane
Carl Perkins
the Sugababes
John Steinbeck
psoriasis vs. cirrhosis
Voodoo Doughnut fail
Boney M x4
Columbia Law School
Duffy by proxy
the truth and Alan Titchmarsh
Rickrolling
deuce (not the band!)
and
the sex life of E.M. Forster.

Plus: Olly opens up a can of whup-ass on a listener who is an even more massive pedant than Helen; Helen yearns one day to be given the sack; and Martin the Sound Man has a practical solution for all you flatulent yoga-practicing types out there.

For more solutions, practical or impractical, to YOUR QUESTIONS, send us an email to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, or leave a voicemail on Skype ID answermethis or our question line 0208 123 5877. If you do that, we can come back next week to answer yet more of your questions, see? How splendid! See you then!

Helen and Olly

PS. Help yourself to a bit of Olly’s birth-song ‘Stand and Deliver’, why don’t you? And head to the comments to tell us what was the Number 1 song on the day you were born, too!

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Tags:Adam Ant, ailments, alcohol, Andy Zaltzman, archaeology, Arthur Miller, back, Bella, Boney M, cheese, circus, disaster, fire, food, French, genitals, history, hygiene, jobs, John Steinbeck, Lambchop, lions, literature, London, medical, memes, music, neighbours, number 1, pain, pedantry, pure lunacy, Rick Astley, sandwiches, school, shoes, sport, Take That, telecommunications, tennis, The Bugle, wild beasts
Posted in PODCASTS | 45 Comments »

wedding crushers

March 2, 2010

** Click here for our Jingle Challenge **

Wade back in your memory through the mists of time, around the bog of forgetfulness, and over the stile of reminiscence, right the way to the end of the last series of Answer Me This!, then append the following observations supplied by our beloved listeners. Firstly, Jim in New Jersey:

You may have strongly doubted the origins of the wedding kiss in an actual ritual consummation, but how about this for a dramatic touch? Margaret Mead documented a primitive wedding ceremony performed by a tribe in New Guinea in which the newly wedded couple copulated on a wooden platform in front of all the villagers. At the moment of climax, a huge pile of lumber was released from above them, crushing them to death. One would think this ritual might have a negative effect on population growth.

Not only that, it would really decimate the honeymoon industry. If this came back in vogue, Sandals resorts would close overnight!

On a related note, Matt, who calls himself ‘Moo’ (each to their own), suggests we all have a little paddle in the following pool of schadenfreude:

In Episode 123 you were discussing proposals in public and how shameful it would be – well have a look at this for the ultimate humiliation, and the amazing premonition-like commentators: