Answer Me This! Podcast

Anagram fun!

February 17, 2009 by Helen Zaltzman

** We’re back on 5th March; in the meantime click here to listen to previous episodes **

We’ve been enjoying our podcastless leisure-time this month, and it appears Aaron from Monkton, Vermont has too:

Had some free time and experimented with some anagrams. These are the best I found, and a few are rather appropriate.

Oliver Mann
Minor navel
Normal vein

Martin the Sound Man
A Modernist Manhunt
Humanist Adornment
Madam Nutrient Nosh
Madman Unites North
Humor a Instant Mend

Martin Austwick
A Karmic Untwist

Helen Zaltzman
The Zs proved problematic

Let the record show that the last one is not an actual anagram of my name. However if you can think of one, or any other choice ones for Olly and Martin, comment below!

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Posted in Answer Us Back! Your time to opine, frippery | 10 Comments »

All together now: Awwwwwwww!

February 14, 2009 by Helen Zaltzman

Brace yourself, readers, for the most romantic post ever to grace this website! Granted, it’s a thin field.

Tabby from Stoke-on-Trent wrote to us to ask if we could help out with a little Answer Me This!-themed Valentine’s gesture for her podcast-fond boyfriend Scott, and naturally we were only too pleased to oblige. So Scott, this goes out to you!

Tabby
loves
Scott

Happy Valentine’s Day, Scott; and we’re delighted to be helping to keep Love’s Young Dream alive, in a Web 2.0 fashion.

** Click here to listen to episodes of Answer Me This! **

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Posted in Answer Us Back! Your time to opine, extracurricular questions, frippery, visuals | 5 Comments »

Affairs of the ears

February 1, 2009 by Helen Zaltzman

** Click here for Episode 84 **

As you know, we are currently On A Break, prompting the following email from Phil from Treorchy:

I hope you are enjoying your annual leave, but does the fact that we are on a break mean that the rest of us are free to see (hear) other podcasts?

It pains us to think of you laughing and capering with other podcasts, Phil; but we have to do the right thing and let you spread your wings and fly…preferably towards subscribing to Martin the Sound Man‘s podcast, because we don’t want you to wander too far. Just make sure you come back to us on March 5th, and we’ll stiffen our trembling lips and pretend you never left.

Oh and please can you answer me this: why do people seem to think you MUST fill the kettle from the cold tap? Other than the fact the water comes out marginally quicker (oh joy, you’ve saved a good 4 seconds – add that up over a year and you’ve earned an extra half an hour to spend how you wish) I can see no reason why EVERYBODY does this. My wife reckons it’s an impurities issue, but even when I point out that this water becomes BOILED she still insists she’s right (as is the way with her).

Because, Phil, the kettle still takes as long to boil even if the water’s hot (unless your tap water happens to be uncommonly scalding), and by using it you’re wasting the energy used by your boiler to heat it! Plus hot water tends to be hanging around in a tank so isn’t as fresh, and therefore your cup of tea will be slightly less nice. Pah. What a RIDICULOUS question. If that’s how you feel, FINE. Go off and see other podcasts; see how they like it when you ask why people don’t leave the fridge door open in summer to keep their houses cool…

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EPISODE 84 – corpses or dogs?

January 29, 2009 by Helen Zaltzman

Martin's offending picture

Ladies and gentlemen, buoys and gulls,

We are of course sorry to be waving goodbye to you for the next five weeks, but we’re the opposite of sorry to unleash Answer Me This! Episode 84 because it stars a special guest question-answer: stand-up comedian, Edinburgh comedy award winner, star of TV yoof-fest Skins and all-round good egg Josie Long!

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through iTunes or a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

With Josie’s assistance, the episode is riddled with such subject-matters as:

mammoths
Megadeth
Natalie Portman in V for Vendetta
deer-cocks
the Puppini Sisters
Warhammer
Billy Bragg
the Book of Job
Take a Break magazine
Renee Zellweger
Ed Gein’s crockery
confectionery seduction
and
Fern Britton.

If you enjoy that and are keen to witness more of Josie’s fine work, head down to the Battersea Arts Centre 9th-12th February for the entertainment extravaganza which she is curating, or to one of her other gigs; alternatively you can stay in the comfort of your own home and watch her DVD instead. And of course keep your ears akimbo for her forthcoming series All of the Planet’s Wonders (Shown in Detail), due to kick off on Radio 4 on 18th February at 11pm.

We’ll be back on March 5th, but please don’t forget us in the meantime: send your QUESTIONS to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, Skype ID answermethis or our Question Line 0208 123 5877. We’ll be posting Written Words on here too, and hopefully addressing some of your inquiries which didn’t get answered in the podcast.

Martin the Sound Man also has a new musical project afoot, about which you can find out more HERE; and you can also download his songs and podcast via his website thesoundoftheladies.com.

Sooo…we’ll see you on March 5th, yes? Yes!

Helen and Olly

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Posted in PODCASTS, special guest episode | 4 Comments »

double you

January 26, 2009 by Helen Zaltzman

** Click here for Episode 83 **

Perhaps having heard that we’re taking a month off, listener Paddy has kindly stepped into Helen’s etymologising shoes, as it were, and not only presented a philological question but also its answer. Obviously if you all did that, we would be out of business; but once in a while it is most welcome. Says Paddy:

As a fellow Person Who Thinks They Are A Bit Clever And What Likes Words Too, I frequently get asked “Why’s it called a double-u when it’s actually two ‘v’s?” and am getting tired of hiding the bodies of people who ask such a dim question, so if you don’t mind, I thought I’d provide the answer.

The letter W comes from a 9th century German practice of writing the ‘wuh’ sound with two ‘u’s – so “Edward” would have been “Eduuard”. The v-like shape was used to represent capitalisation. The two became one letter by around the fourteenth century, probably due to quick writing linking them together, although the french still call it ‘double-v’. But then again, they’re French. Early printers did separate the letters, but it had become a definite and accepted letter in its own right by the eighteenth century. Isn’t it OBVIOUS? People can be so dim sometimes.

Gormless, Paddy, quite gormless! Who are these clowns you associate with that have no comprehension of medieval printing developments? Tsch.

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dim bulb

January 25, 2009 by Helen Zaltzman

** Click here for EPISODE 83 **

Reluctant as we are to reignite the Great Lightbulb Row of Episode 82, some of you have been in touch with less ranty contributions than Martin the Sound Man’s in response to Gareth from Glasgow‘s question about an everlasting lightbulb. Firstly: they’re real, says Kathryn from Denver!

Here’s an article about a lightbulb in San Francisco that has burned since 1901 – forever for a bunch of dead people!

If you don’t believe it, there’s a webcam of the damn thing. It’s a fascinating 24/7 glimpse into the everyday comings-and-goings of a lightbulb.

Meanwhile, Neil from Essex written in to suggest how you could manufacture your very own everlasting lightbulb:

The reason light bulbs do “burn out” is because of the filament oxidising. Theoretically if you can make a bulb in an oxygen-free environment it will last forever! Unless you have a power surge or… other things… like nuclear war or an angry child with a fully automatic machine gun.

I’m sure that in the event of a nuclear war or armed-and-dangerous child, it would be a great comfort if your immediate concern was potential disruption to your lightbulb experiment.

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Posted in Answer Us Back! Your time to opine | 2 Comments »

EPISODE 83 – bunt me up

January 22, 2009 by Helen Zaltzman

Avaunt, listeners!

What a week it’s been for public speaking. On the one hand, you have Mr Obama’s inauguration speech; on the other, you have Jordan offering some of the least helpful crime-busting ideas since the Great Marshmallow Truncheon Debacle of 1882. Then, somewhere in between, you have Answer Me This! Episode 83:

Wherein we elocute upon:

suppositories
second-hand jigsaws
Shami Chakrabarti
contraception for dogs
Rochester Castle
parallax
Karen O
Fifteen to One
moats vs. mottes
coconut-milk vs. man-milk
yom kippur
God ❤ Gareth Gates
the Hard Rock Cafe, Cyprus
Roy Orbison
condom pockets
and
the anal glands of animals.

Plus: Olly’s previous gig as the Marlboro Man; Helen’s problems of personal presentation; Martin’s jangly bunch of keys; and 2009 can finally get started, for at last we hear the voice of Graham from Canada!

We’ll be taking a little break after Episode 84 until March 5th, but don’t let that deter you from sending your QUESTIONS to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, Skype ID answermethis or our Question Line 0208 123 5877. And we’ve got a special treat for you next week to end the series – no, it’s not fun-sized Mars Bars, it is a lovely special guest! Will they have the stamina to deal with your questions? Do they have proper general knowledge instead of the ability to Google-search at speed? Will they talk about genitals as much as Olly does?

Tune in next Thursday to find out!

Helen and Olly

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Name Matt’s baby!

January 20, 2009 by Helen Zaltzman

A typical human baby.

Last week Paul from Stockport needed you to tell him what to do before he’s thirty. You acquitted yourselves most adequately, so this week we’re giving you an even greater challenge, courtesy of Matt:

What am I going to call my baby (due in 5 weeks time)? The criteria are as follows:
Need a boy’s and a girl’s name.
Nothing to live up to e.g. Grace.
Nothing that that has been used in X-Factor, Big Brother (etc) in the past few years.
Finally, nothing too weird or too popular – aiming for only one in class.

We haven’t received word from Matt that he will definitely saddle the impending mini-Matt with an Answer Me This!-generated name, but just the prospect that he might is surely enough to get you thinking, commenting and NAMING THAT BABY! Go!

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Posted in extracurricular questions, User-generated answers | 17 Comments »

EPISODE 82 – Ribranda, Ribranda, Ribranda

January 15, 2009 by Helen Zaltzman

Good afternoon, listeners,

Seeing as it’s mid-January we assume your new year’s resolutions have by now entirely gone to shit. So kick off your once-used gym shoes, lie back in your nest of chocolate, booze and porn, and listen to Answer Me This! Episode 82:

This week we’re a-discussin’:

Sarah Beeny’s marriage
the dos and don’ts of MSN
built-in obsolescence
balloons
Kevin Spacey
use of the word ‘todger’
mega-fauna
pharmaceutical companies
dvds vs. blu-ray
cures for cancer
and
bum-fellatio.

Furthermore, Olly coins the term ‘wang-slurp’; Helen lacks a useful body part; and Martin the Sound Man is finally silenced, by a cup of coffee. Although not for long, as a rare Heated Discussion erupts! For an altercation to occur it must be about something important, right? Right? No. It’s about lightbulbs.

As ever, please dispatch your QUESTIONS to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, Skype ID answermethis or our Question Line 0208 123 5877; but also please leave a comment on this post for questioneer Paul from Stockport, who is using the AMT service to get straight to you:

I turn 30 in 5 months. Possibly convinced by the constant stream of gimmick-based books and tv shows (hello Dave Gorman), I feel I should make a list of “things to do” before I reach this significant milestone on the march towards my inevitable death. I realise I have left this a little late but Answer Me This! listeners, Answer Me This: what things must I ABSOLUTELY do before I’m 30?

We got that email before Christmas so he’s probably only got four months to go now – hurry to help Paul! We look forward to seeing what you recommend. We hear he has already done a skydive, so that’s one off the list already. What else to do, before he reaches his arbitrary deadline?

Helen and Olly

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Posted in PODCASTS, User-generated answers | 19 Comments »

Animate Me This!

January 14, 2009 by Helen Zaltzman

** Click here for EPISODE 81 **

Like proud parents sticking their toddlers’ daubings on the fridge door, we are altogether delighted when you send us your artistic endeavours inspired by Answer Me This!. We very much enjoyed this, that and the other, and now Luke from Cambridge has similarly perked up our days, having just made a snippet of the podcast into a cartoon! Visit his website lukesurl.com for the full-size version.

Meanwhile, if you enjoy a punctuation challenge, try this one that my English teacher Mr Bullard laid upon us when I was nine:

Smith where Jones had had had had had had had had had had had the examiner’s approval.

That’s eleven ‘had’s in a row! Punctuate them so that the sentence makes sense, goddammit, else Mr Bullard will throw a hardback dictionary at you from beyond the grave.

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Posted in AMT Gallery, Answer Us Back! Your time to opine, frippery, visuals | Leave a Comment »

teen drama

January 13, 2009 by Helen Zaltzman

** Click here for EPISODE 81 **

Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we find we can’t answer your questions. After flagellating ourselves thoroughly and spending forty minutes exiled to the Naughty Step, we turn to you instead, this time for the sake of Claire, who writes:

I’ve joined a youth theatre that runs after school, and we have a slight dilemma. We need to think of a name for ourselves, but we really can’t. So, answer me this: what name shall we give ourselves?

All we came up with collectively was ‘Jazzhands’. If you can come up with something better than that – and frankly if you can’t, you should probably join us on the Naughty Step – then please comment below!

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Posted in extracurricular questions, User-generated answers | 3 Comments »

EPISODE 81 – little green balls

January 8, 2009 by Helen Zaltzman

mixed feelings about the commencement of a new year of podcasting

Hello listeners!

Just two calendar years ago, Answer Me This! was as trembly and new as a soft-poached egg. Yet here we are, on our second birthday, sage and wrinkly octogenarians, for today we unleash Episode 81:

Therein:
Prince of Egypt
Calamity Jane
thermal underwear
the Kansas cowboys
Mel Brooks
Nick Robinson
Anne Robinson (no relation)
incontinence vs. electric blankets
Seneca
Clive Anderson
‘Shine’ by Take That
Little Women
sandpaper
Henry James
and
peas.

Plus, Olly’s moods swing from ‘cheerful’ to ‘jolly’; Helen reveals another completely spurious bugbear; and Martin the Sound Man is forced to reexamine the contents of Mickey Mouse’s pants.

We thank you in advance for all the wonderful birthday presents you have no doubt sent us; and also for the QUESTIONS you should dispatch to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, Skype ID answermethis or our Question Line 0208 123 5877.

See you next week!

Helen and Olly

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Posted in PODCASTS | 4 Comments »