Just because we’re between episodes 74 and 75, here’s a little musical treat:
You’re all very welcome.
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Archive for the ‘frippery’ Category
(Episode) 74, (episode) 75
November 11, 2008Graham from Canada’s Halloween triumph
November 4, 2008Since his question on the subject in Episode 67, many of you have been clamouring to know what Halloween costume Graham from Canada plumped for this year.
Happily for you, us and the podcasting world at large, he has very kindly provided a photo of his ‘victorionox-gunslinger’ costume – and note his pumpkin-carving wizardry beside him!
Graham from Canada: great 'tache, even better pumpkin
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Olly’s face: now appearing on a celebrity near you
October 8, 2008It appears that Olly has yet another famous face-alike – Ian from Cumbria has discovered a new celebrity with whom Mr Mann shares a visage:
How similar does Olly Mann look to the ostentatious pushy editor Piers Morgan?¿. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but the resemblance is uncanny, both share the same Jew-fro style curls and cheery cheekbones.
Thanks for providing illustrative materials, Ian – and an inverted question-mark! It’s always a thrill to have a new kind of punctuation on the website.
But there’s only one way of settling this matter, friends: a poll. Take it:
Eleven days remain…
September 15, 2008…of our CAMCORDER CHALLENGE, so get yourself in front of your webcam, handycam, PD150 or CCTV and post an entry with all speed!
Competition is fierce, with questions ranging from the pithy to downright baffling; but we felt the following entry particularly deserved your viewing attention as it is not so much a question for the competition as a pilot for a show Channel 4 really ought to commission:
Although how dare they say the messenger bags are ugly! The bags are as pretty as an Afhgan hound in a party dress!
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pretty as a picture – because it is a picture
September 8, 2008* Craving some AMT!P magic? Click here to listen to some vintage episodes *
** Have you entered our CAMCORDER CHALLENGE yet?
If you have no idea what this is, click here to be availed! **
What does it take to melt our hearts, listeners? Flowers? Puppies? Sulphuric acid?
Well, each of those things in their own way – but also some good old arting! Not for the first time, we’ve been reduced to little pools of joy by a listener sending us a pictorial adaptation of the podcast. Today’s delight-bringer is Amelia from London, who sent us the following:
I was just listening to some old episodes and was inspired to create this…well either that or I was just really bored.
Thank you, Amelia! Especially for giving us all such nice hair.
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Your Beautiful Faces – a camcorder challenge update
September 7, 2008Our new series starts on October 1st. Meanwhile click here for Episode 69.
Well. We’re just ONE WEEK into Helen and Olly’s Camcorder Challenge, and, good Lord, have you lovely people OUTDONE yourselves with some stunning interactive fan-fun?
Yes.
Yes You Have.
A quick glance at the entries so far should explain our delight – but here are some STATISTICS for those of you who understand numbers more than emotions:
• More than 1300 views of our YouTube video!
• Eleven amazing Video Responses entering the competition!
• … and all of this to win a prize that is only worth £15 in the first place!
Yes, it’s been pretty damn exciting to see the FACES of faithful Questioneers like Sarah from Gaytown, Leon from Northumberland, and, YES!!!, Graham from Canada. And it’s been equally lovely to witness the incredible range of questions spouting from their mouths.
But, needless to say, we have our favourites…
HELEN continues her appreciation of KRABBERS‘ oeuvre, with his contribution including arty black-and-white photography, a pet rabbit, and ‘territorial piss flicks’:
OLLY, meanwhile, admires the simplicity of this amusing question from charming regular contributor MARK FROM ESSEX:
… but MARTIN THE SOUND MAN, never known to indulge in narcissism, seems to prefer this one by the crafty GARETH FROM GLASGOW:
BUT this competition is all about how many views each entrant gets, not what we think! The current leader is an oddly philosophical question from superfan LITERARY SPOT, who has shown impressive ingenuity in getting 622 views of her clip so far. But it’s all to play for! There are still THREE WEEKS left to run on this baby!
The winner WILL win an AMT! messenger bag AND be the first question we read out in the new series of Answer Me This! There can BE no more inspiring prize!*
(*at our current budget)
So ENTER the competition now – full Terms and Conditions at answermethispodcast.com/challenge.
… We’re really looking forward to seeing what else you’ve got up your sleeves! Good luck!
HELEN AND OLLY
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the true face of Martin the Sound Man
August 20, 2008** Click here for EPISODE 67 **
Turns out Edward from Borneo isn’t the only listener who thought Martin the Sound Man is not a living jungle of a man. Patrick from near Oxford writes:
I too thought the same thing; in fact I imagined his face (in much detail) completely wrongly. I have painted a picture of what I thought Martin looked like based on his voice and words.
How intriguing that Martin apparently has a bald (and quite old) voice! If anyone else fancies sending us a picture of how Martin appears in their minds (without looking at the photos elsewhere on this site – cheating!) then email your daubings to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com and we’ll post them on here in a Hart Beat-style gallery of the imagination. Not much point doing pictures of me and Olly, though; everyone knows we both look like this:
but which is it - Helen or Olly?
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Olly’s face is proving a popular choice amongst minor public figures
July 23, 2008After last month’s Alphabeat shenanigans, here’s some more looky-likey fun courtesy of Sophie:
So I’m sat bored out of my brain watching Daily Cooks Challenge on ITV when the camera moves to Ed Baines, one of the chefs, and I can’t help but think that he looks a lot like Olly – good or bad thing I’m not quite sure! So answer me this. does anyone else see the resemblance? Or is it just my brain’s defence mechanism kicking in to give me something to focus my attention on to save me from the boredom?
Let’s look at the evidence!
Olly Mann's face
Ed Baines's face
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Helen and Olly looking unusually animated for a Monday morning…
June 30, 2008** Click here for EPISODE 60 **
Oh listeners, we do love it when you send us things. Questions, that’s a given. Pictures, a rare but great delight. And now animator Weles Bussett has gone and turned the pretitles from Episode 45 into a piece of animation for the dialogue* section of his portfolio! Loooooook!!!
I only wish we were that charming, moving and toned in real life.
Anyway if any of the rest of you fancies sending us your creative projects, we really look forward to seeing what you come up with: a Punch & Judy-style puppet show, with Helen and Olly beating each other with tiny truncheons? A feature-length Pixar version of Answer Me This? A Jan Svankmajer-esque version in which Helen and Olly are played by sausages? Weles has set the bar pretty high, but that certainly would arrest our attention…
*if the speech looks a bit out of sync, it’s not Weles’s fault – Youtube likes to jigger about with that sort of thing, just in case you forget who’s boss.
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Whoopee! More Google fun!!!
June 26, 2008Can you believe that the summer larkarama of our Top 10 Funny Google Searches Which Resulted In Answer Me This! Rather Than Anything Like What They Were Hoping To Find was a whole year ago? Can you? No? Yes? Not sure?
Well, you would be stupid to do anything other than believe it, because it is actually true, to the very day. But even though the number of people actually searching for us is now almost equal to those seeking ‘sex chairs’ or ‘cock’, the past year has yielded even more Curious, Funny or Massively Inappropriate Things Which A Search Engine Took To Mean They Were Really Hoping To Be Directed To A Question-Answering Weekly Podcast. In Episode 60 we unveil the ones which ghasted our flabbers to the greatest extent; but they are merely the tip of the iceberg, the heart of the artichoke, the Dangermouse pencil case in the middle of a particularly competitive game of Pass the Parcel. So below are some of the others which tickled, baffled or shocked us. Imagine a jolly little tune as you read them!
The Sneeze-Related Category
still a ridiculously competitive round even after all this time
Most romantic: ‘smell of her sneeze’
Most likely to make Google wonder why it doesn’t ditch its boring friends for some better ones: ‘joss sneezes’
The ‘what were they expecting Google to do about it?’ cup: ‘I am going to sneeze’
The ‘what was the internet like when you were a girl, grandma?’ rosette: ‘ladylike sneezing’
The Titmuss award for most curious mix of Amnesty International, objectification of women, and hayfever: ‘free busty sneezers’
Only ten syllables away from a haiku: ‘sinus sneeze stand up morning’
The Rude Category
yes, we know that’s what the internet’s for, so we shouldn’t have been so surprised…
Strongest proof that too much wanking ruins your spelling: ‘bals’
Cockiest (tie): ‘cock’, ‘nude cock’, ‘cock and balls’, ‘cock coming’, ‘dirty cock’, ‘cock a poo’, ‘cock in a sock’, ‘Mario Italian big cock’, ‘weird cock’, ‘weirdest cock’, ‘cock nose’ (perhaps that’s the answer to the previous two searches?), ‘cock smashing’, ‘cock porn gammy’
Most likely to end in erotic disappointment when the search results in Answer Me This! rather than something titillating: ‘ITUNES SEXY BUSTY PODCASTS’ tied with ‘the podcast you can wank to’
Podcast that people should not be seeking: ‘incest podcast’
Most unexpected perversions: ‘clandestine necrophilia’, ‘piss drinking exciting’, ‘clitoris nose’, ‘Christmas cake nude’ (bleurgh!! Christmas cake is bad enough with all its clothes on!)
Most generous invitation: ‘wank with me’
Questions the internet probably can’t answer satisfactorily because it isn’t actually human:
‘why does my girlfriend smells like onions?’
‘why are you such a cock?’
‘how can i stop curry having a laxative effect?’
‘why do charity adverts make you feel guilty?’
‘how do spaceships keep from hitting comets?’
‘where did luke have to sit for breakfast?’
‘do women prefer large girth for anal sex?’
‘why did you choose to invent vegemite?’
‘why didn’t you answer me Peter?’
Peter! Stop being such a dickhead and come clean about the vegemite, for fuck’s sake.
Potential Band-Names category:
Toothbrush Fuck
Policewoman Striptease
Babypisshorse
Fibby Lovely Dancer
Heart Shaped Bruise
The future Alanis Morrissette Album Title medal: ‘salami tactic shawshank redemption’
Celebrity round:
‘Jean Sarkozy fanclub’
‘Jean-Claude Juncker funny facts’ (There aren’t any. He’s the head of the Christian Social People’s Party in Luxembourg.)
‘Rupert Grint a hit with the ladies’
‘Nigella Lawson fat ass’
‘Lisa Riley Camden’
The Enemy of the State category for revealing the lives of others:
ordered from sordid to poignant
‘Sasha Grey drinks own piss’
‘dangers of piss drinking’ (this one goes out to the memory of Sasha Grey…)
‘brown stain on your penis’ (Google, have you been stirring the tea with your penis again?)
‘am I a lesbian? i want to have sex with’ (sadly the end of this was cut off. The implications of the search are quite different if it is ‘women’ or ‘men’. Even more so if it’s something else entirely)
‘is David the one for me answer me please’ (if you don’t know, how is Google to know?)
‘secret condoms in my boyfriend’s pocket’ (uh-oh… But it’s not like Google can help you with this one, or comfort you as you cry and rip up the photo collage)
The kind of search where Answer Me This! might serendipitously turn out to be to the liking of the searcher:
‘I love After Eights at Christmas’
‘images of topiary and front doors’
‘how to eat seductively ferrero rocher’
‘words often mispronounced by ladies’
‘Helen Zaltzman popcast’ (hee hee hee! Just imagine it!)
‘free eggery lessons’ (don’t even know what they are! But don’t they sound delightful? (If ‘eggery’ is in fact the name of some depraved practice, then please keep it to yourself and let us enjoy this moment))
So, that concludes today’s Search-Engine fun; but if YOU found this podcast by accident when you were searching for something completely different, leave a comment below and tell us what the unlikely word combination was. Hilarity will doubtless ensue!
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Stools rush in
June 18, 2008Seeing as we’ve already had one post about bodily functions this morning, let’s just say, “Sod off, bumface!” to delicacy and have another. Regarding the unanswered question “Why are stools called stools, as in bowel movement stools?” in the theme tune of yesteryear’s Episode 38, Graham from Canada theorises:
It could be because poo is one of the first things they use to test, if they don’t know what you have, supporting them, like a stool…
Maverick theory, young Graham. But rarely are semantics so abstract, and the origins of this term are rather more prosaic: in Old English the word ‘stool’ referred to thrones and other such fancy seats, but when the French word ‘chair’ then entered the language, ‘stool’ got relegated to armless and backless seats, including those which one sat upon to evacuate one’s bowels. By the fifteenth century, poor old ‘stool’ was applied not only to the pieces furniture, but also the shits produced thereupon.
From throne to poo…oh, the bathos.
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Alphabeat confusion
June 11, 2008Here’s a puzzle, listeners. (Not a puzzle like these puzzles, but a Curious Conundrum which we’ve had trouble answering.)
A few weeks ago, we had the following email from Josie from Surrey:
Is it just me, or does Olly look very much like the man on the video for ‘Fascination’ by Alphabeat – if Olly was a lot younger and Danish? It worries me that every time I see the song on in the school gym, it seems like Olly’s face is looming out at me all the time. This is understandably disturbing – no offence Olly.
Well, perhaps we are just thick-eyed gorms, but we couldn’t work out which member of the band was supposed to look like Olly! Although we did discount the girl. Watch the video and see what you think:
But that’s not the end of the matter. Even if you do think Olly looks like a fellow from Alphabeat, what do you make of this from Dave from Coventry?
Why is it that when I listen to the podcast you two always remind me of the pop duo Alphabeat, even though I know you don’t look or sound anything like them?
Answer us this, listeners: DO WE OR DO WE NOT LOOK LIKE ALPHABEAT????
To help you decide, here’s us:
And here’s Alphabeat:
Can’t tell us apart? There are six of them, for a start.
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Answer Me This! Podcast 