Answer Me This! Podcast

After we speculated upon what American chums might crave as gifts from the UK in Cairn‘s question Episode 72, Peter from Chicago has been in touch a few sensible recommendations:

Cricket bat: Although you may find it hard to believe, most Americans wouldn’t know where to get a cricket bat if their lives depended on it.

Snooker table: Not one of those scaled down 10-foot American versions, a full 12-foot long British one. This will be too large for carry-on.

Tea: Many in the United States might not get the concept of tea not in a tea bag, so you may have to explain just how to brew tea without a tea bag.
I’ve always wanted a tea tin in the shape of police call box.
(Yes, I’m a fan of the old Dr. Who. My grandmother even knitted me scarf like Tom Baker.)

Thanks for the native advice, Peter! Although in these paranoid times I think it could be quite hard to get a cricket bat across the pond. Willow has on the prohibited substances list ever since Bin Laden used it to reinforce his garden fence.

Just for you, Jim: a recently spotted cheese wedding cake

On the back of the same discussion, we also received an impassioned response from our US food expert Jim in New Jersey:

Yes! The best and most desired British foodstuffs here in America are your cheeses. Good lord, you don’t know how lucky you are. American cheese is cheap, spongy, and flavorless. We even have an entire state (Wisconsin) devoted to cranking out tons of the stuff, most of which ends up being given away for free to poor people. But a good piece of Stilton, say, is pure heaven.

So if any of you British listeners are swinging by New Jersey anytime soon, be kind and drop off a care package of cheese to Jim. Of course it may be difficult to transport Stilton across the Atlantic since Bin Laden nominated it as his favourite baked potato topping – or for the reason that Alan from famed cheese county Cheshire points out:

I thought that US immigration prohibited visitors from bringing animal and plant derivatives into the country. So answer me this: is it legal to take cheese to America, or were you just trying to get your listener a very intimate experience with a US immigration officer?

You’re right, Alan – we lost our sense and distributed irresponsible advice. Such is the power of a fine cheese.

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In Episode 72, we answered Paul from Eastbourne‘s question about swearing on the Bible in court with all the savvy of people who think Ally McBeal was an accurate depiction of the legal process. Fortunately Saira from Kent has elaborated on the process:

I’m a Fingerprint Expert and have to give evidence and we are given the choice of taking the oath or the affirmation. The oath is ‘I swear by almighty God that the evidence I shall give shall be the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.’ You don’t say ‘so help me God’ at the end unless you are on a film set where they obviously try and spice it up a bit. You can replace God with Allah or whatever deity your religion prefers. The affirmation is ‘I do solemnly, sincerely and truly declare and affirm that the evidence I give shall be the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.’

So we can still swear on Almighty Zeus! What a relief. I think he was getting really worried that nobody takes him seriously anymore.

Self-proclaimed ghost expert Colin has something to add to last month’s consideration of institutional homophobia and racism in the ghost world:

How can you possible say there are no gay ghosts. Mr Claypole in Rentaghost was definitely gay.

Honestly.

Judge for yourself, readers:

Mr Claypole: straight as an arrow?

Perhaps just a bit flamboyant?

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Bowls: can it get cooler than this?

In response to Amy from Aberdare’s lament in Episode 69 that her schoolfriends were mocking her excellent at bowls, Luke from Brisbane has the following words of comfort and advice:

In Australia now Bowls has been turned into a kinda cool, trendy thing to do on a Sunday afternoon, after the advent of barefoot bowls (where you play barefoot, and wear casual clothes). This is mostly because of the cheap beer that they serve at bowls clubs and that it’s easy to learn; they normally do a good BBQ as well. Most of the old folk love it when you come down because most of the members are dying and they need to get young people playing.

So maybe try that, get her friends down and have a couple of drinks and give it a go. (I’m assuming that she is over 18, or maybe wait till that day.)

Not a bad idea, Amy – bribery with food and booze! Or set up a nude bowls club. Although it might be a bit like Cocoon crossed with a Carry On film, at least it would have intrigue.

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