I just finished listening to episode 155 and have a story in response to Olly’s ‘Paedophile coach’ story.
In our School, we were on our way to our City Hall on a Coach. The Coach in question was stuck in traffic, and we found a sheet of paper. And an idea formed in our hormone-driven minds….
We decided to write ‘Hostage Situation’ on the paper, and tape it to the back window of the coach. To add effect, we made one unfortunate student place his bag over his head, making him look like a captive, making him face the drivers behind us, who in all seriousness looked a little bit shocked.
Just thought I’d share this with you, only because to us, it was fucking hilarious.
Thanks for sharing, James. Although we’re not sure a schoolbag over the head gives a suitably convincing ‘Abu Ghraib’ effect.
You mentioned the performance of King Lear with Ian Holm in it. It was many years ago when I was doing my A Levels and happened to be studying King Lear. I went to see it! My friend Adam wangled the prized tickets off his parents.
As film fans, Adam and I rated Holm for his performance in Alien rather than The Borrowers, yet neither of us were expecting to see Ian Holm get his tadger out. Which he did to great effect whilst going mad because his daughters had given him the cold shoulder or whatever. It’s Lear’s own fault it was a bloody stupid idea in the first place (as I wrote in my A level).
Much later, whenever Lord of the Rings would come into a conversation, we would both state, ‘I’ve seen Bilbo’s knob’.
So my question is simply this:
Have any of the AMT team ever seen a famous member? And a smutty film or on the internet doesn’t count! It has to be in real life!
Olly saw Daniel Radcliffe’s wang when he was in Equus, but by extension of your rules, Chris, I don’t think theatrical cock-spots should be permitted either. Now that we’ve established the guidelines, readers, unleash your inner Pamela Des Barres and the comments and tell us about your encounters with famous members.
Richard from yumblog is not satisfied with Olly’s choice of musical beat-off material:
I have just listened to episode 151 and was amazed that you (and in particular Olly) were unable to name a single porno musical.
Just a cursory glance at my DVD collection reveals the family favourite Clitty Titty Gang Bang, the 1961 naval lark All hands on Dick, Julie Andrews’ hilarious portrayal of an aging twenties flapper in Thoroughly Modern Milf, Bob Fosse’s messy All That Jizz, the sharp-shooting Wild West fun of Annie up the Bum, George Gershwin’s saucy tale of incest Porking Aunt Bess, Peter Sellers and Goldie Horn in the British-made les-fest There’s a Girl on Girl in my Soup, the Busby Berkeley-choreographed Tea Baggers of 1933, James Cagney in Yank My Doodle Dandy, the double penetration classic Two Gentlemen do Veronica, the Tony Award-winning tale of Arthurian legend and bukakke Came a Lot, er, Anal Q, Oklahomo…
I could go on (but had better get back to work).
‘All That Jizz’ was on the shortlist of names for this podcast before we came up with ‘Answer Me This’. No kidding. Damn you Fosse for getting there first! (However we’re pleased to tell you that our other podcast ‘Porking Aunt Bess’ is still going strong.)
I declare Ben from Italy to be a man with too many pencils:
In the last episode you were talking about Ikea pencils and it prompted a few questions as I have over 500 pencils myself:
1. Is it morally wrong to go to Ikea for the sole purpose of filling my pencil-case?
No. It’s not morally wrong; it’s unbelievably stupid. There are far more convenient places to get pencils than an out-of-town superstore, and moreover, one should never, NEVER go to Ikea unless one is in the direst need of furnishings.
2. After the checkout in Ikea there is a box where you put the pencils you’ve used. Do they then sharpen them and put them back? Surely that would mean that they were even shorter.
Now that I do not know. But surely there must be an Ikea employee amongst the AMT listenership: reader, if that is you, please tell us what happens to the little pencils that aren’t stolen by people like us. Do they find a good home, or are they ground down and reconstituted into Malm headboards?
Time for some raunch, thanks to John from Edinburgh:
I was just listening to podcast 148, and you discussed slug mating. I thought you might appreciate these links showing Leopard slugs having sex. It is one of the freakiest most amazing things you will ever see.
He’s right! Not to mention romantic. Skip forward to the 1min40 mark if you want to go straight to the hot slug-on-slug action with no flirtation beforehand:
If that’s got you in the mood for more X-rated mini-fauna, click here. You perv.
Alright food cowards, you win. You don’t have to try to be more adventurous and try cucumber or sandwiches or liquids or any of the other things you haven’t tried, not after this extremely cautionary tale from Lucy from Brighton:
After hearing about what common foods some people surprisingly hadn’t tried I thought I’d pitch in the following anecdote:
At the age of 17 I had never tried peanut butter, but sitting in the sixth form centre I suddenly had a MASSIVE craving for it. So a friend who was already on the way to the corner shop decided to buy some for me. I had about a teaspoonful before, lo and behold, my lips started to tingle, and my throat closed up.
It turns out I am woefully allergic to peanuts.
So, answer me this: Why, If they could kill me, was my body craving them??
Readers? Any ideas why Lucy’s body hates her thus?
We’re thoroughly enjoying hearing about the mainstream foodstuffs you’ve never tried; here are some of your contributions, and below are some more:
Justin from Gloucester, Massachusetts:there are many things I have never eaten, including fish, apple pie, pickles and baked beans.
English Richard living in France: the mainstream food I have never tried is Walker’s Ready Salted crisps, due to my dislike of ready salted flavour.
Amy: I’m 17 and I’ve never had ANY fizzy drinks or coffee or tea – how unnatural is it to drink bubbles? blurghhhh and I wouldn’t like to be topped up with caffeine all day.
Jed in Glasgow: I have never tried poached egg or any kind of Caesar salad.
Eilidh from Dingwall, Scotland: apart from a little bit of haddock and fish fingers, I’ve not had fish! Another thing I’ve never had is a steak; I’ve no interest 🙂
In episode 145 you mentioned that you would rather dip a stick of celery in tea than a Nice biscuit.
This got me thinking of my friend who is from “up north” somewhere, he will frequently use his tea for dipping his toast in his tea!
He assures me that this is normal behaviour up north, so answer me this: is my friend a freak, or is it really normal up north? I’m suspicious as he also wipes his arse with baby wipes (which I am certain is not normal behaviour for an adult male!)
I have no trustworthy northern friends/acquaintances to ask and would like to continue mocking him but now with the confidence that I am right and what he is doing is odd and not just some regional peculiarity.
Since I introduced Olly to the spoon-in-champagne-bottles tip in last week’s episode, many of you have written to tell me that the trick has been debunked by Mythbusters. Do I care? No! Because Kimon in East Dulwich has been in touch to mythbust Mythbusters:
Although it is often considered to be an old wives’ tale, there is a likely scientific basis, the key concepts being thermal conductivity and gas solubility in water.
Precisely the point I was going for, Kimon! (ahem) Carry on:
There were two very significant omissions from Helen’s spoon-in-champagne-bottle suggestion which I feel need to be addressed. a) It has to be a silver spoon and b) there’s no point unless you also put it in the fridge.
Carbon dioxide’s solubility decreases as the temperature of the water (or champagne) increases – so the really important thing, spoon or no spoon, is to put the bottle in the fridge.
So what’s the point of the spoon? Well, if the bottle has been out of the fridge, it follows that the champagne and air in the bottle is warmer than the fridge. However, glass itself is a pretty good insulator (i.e. it has low thermal conductivity, around 1.1k (Watts per metre per Kelvin)) which means that as well as keeping the champagne cool when it’s out of the fridge, if over time it gets warm, it will then keep it warm when you put it back in the fridge.
Silver, on the other hand, has excellent conductivity, higher than any other metal at around 429k. The spoon pokes out of the bottle, soaks up the cold air from the fridge, and radiates it down into the warm air inside the bottle. This in turn quickly cools the top layer of the champagne, meaning that any carbon dioxide escaping from the warmer liquid below has more chance of being captured by dissolving into the cooler liquid at the top.
You know, none of us would have got into this big flap about champagne bottles at all if only everyone were so sensible as to drink this classy substance instead.
In response to last week’s question about walloping someone, Mark from Glasgow advises:
Hi guys 😀
I do lots of martial arts and just to let you know, the best place to hit someone is the chorotic nerve. It’s situated on the left hand side of the neck behind the ‘big muscly, tendon thingy’.
Thanks, Mark, for both the lessons in violence and in anatomical terminology.
Nearly a year has passed since we gave advice to Ahmed from Leicester, but at last we’ve heard the outcome:
Hi! Way back in episode 108, you helped me decide if I should let my flaky friend Rav be joint best man at my wedding.
Well, I’m pleased to let you know that I got married a couple of weeks ago and Rav did his job admirably! I think that his public humiliation made him step up his game a notch, and “New Rav” has been (relatively) reliable ever since.
I did, however, start my speech by thanking “My best men – Darren, Joe and to a lesser extent Rav”, which everyone in on the joke enjoyed.
A person redeemed, a friendship saved, and a happy ending at a wedding! How pleasing.
Here’s a long, sad story from Andreas in Sweden, but it’s a good one, so strap in:
Last week, while doing my job involving making food colouring, aromas and being cooked alive because it’s 30 cunting degrees in Sweden, you destroyed my phone and made my day shit overall.
I was going to produce something called “Vanilla Extract” to be sent off to a ice cream company for them to make vanilla ice cream. To get the obvious flavour of this concoction I needed to, through a tap mechanism, pour a undiluted mixture of ethanol and vanilla seeds into a bucket as an ingredient. This ingredient is kept in a big, cylindrical tank that holds 200 litres of the shit. To check if there was enough left in the tank for me to finish my assignment, I took the lid off of it and put it aside. Pleased with what I saw, I knocked off for lunch.
Upon my return I did what I always do when my boss is on a business trip (he’s a right shit, by the way): I got out my phone and put on some Answer Me This! To hear it better I put it on top of the tank. Instead of your funny banter streaming into my ears, I heard a splash, a gurgle and my phone hitting the bottom of the tank.
I hurried to find something to stand on. I got up on an empty cardboard box and from there climbed onto the tank and shoved my entire arm into the alcohol and vanilla. Having a bunch of tiny cuts on my hand did not make this a more pleasant experience.
I finally got the phone out of the tank and had by now sort of lost my footing on the side of the tank. I quickly put one foot on the box I had used to get up there. I had forgotten it was empty and put my big, fat foot right in the center of it. I fell onto my knee, hitting the shitting corner of the rig the tank rests on.
Long story short, you destroyed my phone and ruined my day.
We’re terribly sorry, Andreas, that your phone died in the effort to manufacture the most boring ice cream flavour. But we don’t feel directly responsible for your calamity, therefore will not be buying you a new phone. Or knee. Also, worse things have happened in the name of vanilla, viz:
Answer Me This! Podcast 