Archive for the ‘Answer Us Back! Your time to opine’ Category

bad Bad Ischl

October 24, 2012

••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT233 •••

Not everyone would want to claim it, so it’s nice of Gareth to pipe up:

While listening to you discussing the birthplace of the industrial revolution in Episode 233, Olly asked in passing where the first world war started. Well I am pleased to tell you that it was started in my home town of Bad Ischl in Austria. Everyone round here is very proud of the imperial history of the town. The Kaisers came to Bad Ischl for generations to take the waters and relax.

You can have guided tour of the Kaiser Villa and they glow with excitement as they show you the desk at which Kaiser Franz Joseph wrote the letter declaring war on Serbia. This on its own is not odd, but they also every year have the ‘Kaiser Bummel’ where they cover every street in the town with red carpet and have food stalls, beer and live music. All while a man and woman dressed as the Kaiser and Sissy his wife ‘bummel’ (walk slowly) around town.

If you ask me, this seem a bit over the top for a man that started the First World War. I don’t recall any yearly street parades in Ranshofen with people dressing as Hitler.

Probably for the best.

ALBUMS • iTUNES • CLASSIC EPISODES • BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • FAQ
iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH

lost photos

October 23, 2012

••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT233 •••

Julia from London has a tip for the poor young fellow in AMT232:

I empathised with Steve and his friend’s deleted photos of Paris – I deleted everything off my camera’s memory card AS I was backing it up! But then I found out there is a free programme you can use to “undelete” them and get them back! It’s called Pandora Recovery.

Apparently it will work better if you use it quite quickly so that you haven’t saved new photos over the old ghost files – but it worked perfectly for me and I got about 50 photos back!

Hurry Steve, there is not a moment to lose! You may yet be able to recover that photo where you’ve used perspective to make it look like your friend is wearing the Eiffel Tower like a hat.

ALBUMS • iTUNES • CLASSIC EPISODES • BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • FAQ
iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH

shrink to fit

October 16, 2012

••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT232 •••

Here’s a point of information from Hilary from Hemel Hempstead:

Bearing in mind the subject of AMT232 I thought you might be interested in this oriental remedy which claims it can change the size of vaginas.

Great news! At last Anish Kapoor will be able to shrink this down so it fits nicely on the mantelpiece.

ALBUMS • iTUNES • CLASSIC EPISODES • BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • FAQ
iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH

Pirate wedding walked the plank

October 10, 2012

••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT231 •••

Alas, it was just not to be.

Of course we love being right. Even when we’re right at the expense of somebody else’s happiness. So we were delighted to have the correctness of our answer confirmed by questioneer Fiona from Busan, South Korea (formerly from Golden, Colorado):

I wrote in a few months ago asking for advice on what to wear to my friend’s Renaissance Pirate-themed wedding.

After I had picked out my awesome pirate wedding attire I have to say you were right. One of them turned out to be a massive twat and left the other a few weeks before the wedding. Unfortunately, it was the one who had originally been my friend.

She now is married (to a different man) and is pregnant now with his child.

Good grief; Fiona’s query was featured in AMT211. Her friend sure works fast. I wonder how she even managed to decide a new wedding theme and seek out an appropriate costume in such a short space of time.

ALBUMS • iTUNES • CLASSIC EPISODES • BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • FAQ
iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH

…last seen wearing school uniform

October 2, 2012

••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT230 •••

Apropos of last week‘s discussion of school photos, Annahid from California writes:

In America every child must have an annual, updated school picture in case the child is kidnapped. That way there’s a recent and well-lit photo to put on the “MISSING” poster.

Are American schoolchildren really that likely to be kidnapped? Because this seems like a very expensive and labour-intensive method of ensuring there’s something to put on the sides of the milk cartons.

ALBUMS • iTUNES • CLASSIC EPISODES • BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • FAQ
iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH

R Lauren’s herd and R Kelly’s catering

September 19, 2012

• AMT RETURNS 20th SEPT; CLICK HERE TO CATCH UP ON EPISODES •

AMT returns tomorrow, but a couple of matters are left over from the end of the last series. Firstly, Richard writes:

Apropos of the AMT228 reference to Polo Ralph Lauren.

The cheaper branded clothing has small ponies, the more expensive has the large ponies and sometimes even a polo team.

While this may be of no interest to your listeners, I feel I need to tell you so that should we pass in the street and I’m wearing my normal “uniform” of polo shirt/Levi combo you don’t think I’m a skank.

As if we would! What could be posher than somebody walking around covered in an entire polo team?

Next, Shelley from Richmond, Virginia:

I can tell you in no uncertain terms that your interpretation of R. Kelly’s Remix to Ignition song is badly, horribly, hilariously wrong.

When he says, “It’s like Murder She Wrote, once I get you out them clothes,” he’s saying something much more violently sexual than “my sex game is so mysterious.”

What he’s saying is: “I am going to kill that pussy.”

Murder that vagina. Commit homicide upon that genital region until it is worn out and useless and sweaty and sore. There is no use denying this will happen, because the murder has already been written as soon as your clothes come off. Once you have become naked, say goodbye to your genitals. Vaginal death is imminent and unavoidable.

And when he says, “food everywhere, as if the party was catered,” it’s because his music is FOR the lower middle class. That’s who is supposed to hear these lyrics and think to themselves, “Hey, I can relate to R. Kelly. I know that feel, bro. I, too, can throw a party with food. Everyone will be very impressed and the panties will drop. I, myself, will destroy genitalia! This music is my life.”

Hmm. I’m not sure I fully agree with this hypothesis, but it certainly is a very spirited argument.

• iTUNES • ALBUMS • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ •
iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE •

Gordon Ramsay’s next move

August 14, 2012

Hmm, this is a slightly odder odd couple than we had anticipated

••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT227 •••

In AMT226 we speculated upon the next phase of Gordon Ramsay’s career, and whether it would entail one of those odd-couple road trips that are perennially popular amongst TV commissioners. Andy emailed us to say:

I was taking in my daily fix of MTV news, when I saw that Gordon Ramsay was apparently planning a Harley Davidson tour with….David Beckham.

Suspicions confirmed! Unless they’re doing that just as a mates’ holiday, and not actually televising it…no, impossible! What would be the point of that?

For a bit of fun, readers, go to the comments and pitch a non-culinary show for Gordon Ramsay’s career reboot.

I’m emailing Channel 4 now to suggest a mountaineering challenge series called Gordon’s Craggy Faces.

••• Missing the Olympics? Console yourself with AMT Sports Day •••

• iTUNES • ALBUMS • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ •
iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH

crannies: always nook’s bridesmaid…

August 1, 2012

••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT225 •••

Something unlikely in last week’s episode stirred the neurones of George here:

Regarding your offhand comments regarding the propensity of nooks by comparison to crannies: I though that crannies were the raised spaces surrounded by nooks. Thus, a cranny is defined by the absence created by nooks.

Assuming that is correct, then the world at large is mostly crannies, due to the relatively few nooks.

So, please answer me this, how far wrong is my assumption?

So far wrong that you are the very opposite of right, George! Observe how the dictionary defines ‘cranny’:

A small out-of-the-way place or obscure corner; nook.

If it’s any comfort, there IS another sense of cranny. But the dictionary has yet to validate it:


••• THE AMT SPORTS DAY: PERFECT WITH A SIDE OF OLYMPICS •••

• iTUNES • ALBUMS • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ •
iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH

mugs for mugginses

August 1, 2012

••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT225 •••

Henry has kindly written in to help prevent the hippies from ruining questioneer Sage’s friend’s hot beverages:

This should help the listener who needs the unbreakable mug:


Let us know whether that mug can survive a few rounds with the hippies, Sage. In fact, buy a range of different mugs, keep a spreadsheet of how each model fares over a few months in the squat, then in a few months try to get your findings published in an academic journal. I’m sure they’ve all been waiting for a comparative study of mugs versus hippies.

••• THE AMT SPORTS DAY: PERFECT WITH A SIDE OF OLYMPICS •••

• iTUNES • ALBUMS • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ •
iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH

The Phantom of the Opera

July 31, 2012

••• THE AMT SPORTS DAY: PERFECT WITH A SIDE OF OLYMPICS •••

“Yikes! I think I just saw Gerard Butler skulking in the corner.”

Apparently if you’re born ugly, you’re allowed to act like a total dick! That’s what we have learnt from today’s lesson in classic French literature from Chris from Cardiff, Australia:

In AMT225, you discussed whether the Phantom is good or evil.

I can’t speak for Andrew Lloyd Webber’s intentions, but having read the original novel by Gaston Leroux I can say that his impression of Erik (the Phantom) is that he was a genius driven to a violent distrust of humanity resulting from being so hideously deformed from birth, and thus that his actions were the result of desperation. Erik’s actions were undoubtedly evil, but nevertheless he deserves to be pitied for the life he was forced to lead by society:

Poor, unhappy Erik! Shall we pity him? Shall we curse him? He asked only to be “some one”, like everybody else. But he was too ugly! And he had to hide his genius or use it to play tricks with, when, with an ordinary face, he would have been one of the most distinguished of mankind! He had a heart that could have held the empire of the world; and, in the end, he had to content himself with a cellar. Ah, yes, we must needs pity the Opera Ghost.

Of course, it’s hardly surprising that he turned out evil… There aren’t many “good guys” who would build a vast underground forest out of iron in which people could hang themselves or be baked alive.

Good point, Chris, but we should also bear in mind that anybody who decides to spend considerable time and resources building a fancy subterrannean torture chamber is probably evil beforehand, rather than becoming so as a result of having access to such a place.

Unless the Phantom did have perfectly innocent reasons for building it. Perhaps he had expected the baking-hot room with the iron trees would be the perfect place in which to dry his laundry. Even ugly opera ghosts should have the right to wear underwear that isn’t damp!

••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT225 •••

• iTUNES • ALBUMS • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ •
iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH

of a pair with the au pair

July 31, 2012

•••THE ANSWER ME THIS! SPORTS DAY IS OUT NOW•••

Here’s another eerie case of mistaken identity, from Jen in Wisconsin:

One day I was out hiking while a football (American football) game was happening in the stadium downtown. When I got home, my answering machine was full of worried messages from far and wide inquiring after my health and safety, sympathies, and telling me not to worry about coming in to work the next day.

Baffled, I returned one of the calls to discover that there had been a stampede of fans at the stadium earlier in the day, and the media had gotten many shots of a young woman who must have looked terribly similar to me trapped against a chain fence and crying. It had been picked up by CNN and run nation-wide, hence the phone calls.

Several years later, I was in a bar, when a somewhat older man asked me out on a date. He remarked that he and his wife were splitting up, and how much I resembled his kids’ former au pair. (Won’t go into the creepiness factor of that here.) I responded that that was the second time I’d heard I had a twin in town, and I repeated the story I just told you. Small world – his French au pair was the girl who had been at that football game and had gotten caught in the crush. I’m happy to say that she was, in the end, all right. I’m sure her family got her the hell out of America after that.

And did you get the hell out of that bar, Jen, or do chat-up lines about au pairs’ near death experiences actually work?

••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT225 •••

• iTUNES • ALBUMS • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ •
iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH

j’accuse

July 25, 2012

•••THE ANSWER ME THIS! SPORTS DAY IS OUT NOW•••

The father of AMT223‘s Nick from Orpington is not the only one of you to be falsely accused of murder! Please tell us in the comments whether you have been too – and take note of the keyword FALSELY – after reading this tale from Neil from Cornwall:

Several years ago I was in a car park in North Wales in my capacity as a sales rep. Having parked my car, I saw a police officer making her way slowly towards me and braced myself for the obvious, “You can’t park here”, or maybe “Is this your car, sir?”

What she actually said was: “The reason I came over to speak with you is that you match the identity we have been given for the suspect in the Jill Dando murder case!!!!”

I couldn’t quite believe it, but she took down all my details and radioing them through to her head office. Obviously it became apparent that I wasn’t the person who had murdered Jill Dando, but it did make for a funny story when I finally got home.

Also, being from Cornwall…..OF COURSE you put the jam on the scone first and put the cream on the top… why would you do it the other way around!

Jam first? That’s exactly what a murderer would say, Neil. I’m forwarding your email straight on to the Cornish Police.

••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT224 •••

• iTUNES • ALBUMS • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ •
iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH