locks and clocks

by

CLICK HERE FOR AMT233

The bowels of Andrew from County Down have been suffering from stage fright:

To continue with the bathroom lock talk from AMT232, I have a similar problem.

When visiting my friend who still lives with his parents, I went to use the bathroom facilities. Having closed the door, I noticed that there was no lock but, oddly, a clock above the door. Needless to say, once I sat down with my trousers round the ankles, my friend’s mum walked in.

Answer me this! Should I introduce the family to an open and closed door system, insist they get a lock put in, or insist they remove the clock so that I’m not caught in a daydream staring at the clock when various family members walk in on me taking a shit?

No, no and no!

1. It’s not your house, so you can’t waltz in there and boss them into changing their customs.

2. It’s not your house, so you can’t waltz in there and expect them to add door-furniture.

3a. It’s not your house, so you can’t waltz in there and demand they remove the clock that presumably they keep there for a reason (eg to monitor time for the annual family competition: the person who has spent the longest time in the loo over the year wins a kilo of prunes at Christmas).
3b. Getting rid of the clock won’t stop the door from opening when you don’t want it to.
3c. Your fear is that they might catch you mid-daydream, rather than mid-shit?
3d. If you find clocks so enrapturing, this is far from your most pressing problem.

Here’s a simple solution: take a door wedge with you when you visit, which will keep the door shut long enough for you to alert the loo-invader about your presence. Alternatively, buy them one of these, but don’t be surprised if they decide not to use it, because if they haven’t already got a lock it suggests they actively enjoy the risk of a lavatorial interruption.

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