Archive for the ‘Answer Us Back! Your time to opine’ Category

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »

Millennium Bug saviours

November 14, 2013

2482771

••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT277 •••

The downside of successfully averting a crisis is that nobody believes there was going to be a crisis, therefore you don’t get the credit of averting said crisis. But maybe one day there’ll be an Armageddon-style film celebrating the efforts of IT-ists such as Adrian from Wellington, New Zealand, who says:

I listened with interest to your comments in AMT277 about the damp squib of the Y2K bug.

I’ve worked for a large telecommunications company in New Zealand since 1997, and I can definitely say that the Y2K bug was a very big deal.

You wouldn’t believe the amount of software that it takes to run a digital telephone exchange, and get the phonecalls to the streetside cabinets – and then to the customers.

Also, there are the billing systems that make sure that the correct calls get billed to the correct customers. With us, we also had a large cable TV system, with digital Pay Per View movies, as well as us being an internet service provider.

We took all of 1999 to get software patches written and installed, hardware replaced, and systems tested – because the systems would have ground to a halt at the start of January 1st, if we hadn’t.

As we are the first country to cross the International Dateline, we had manufacturers from the US dialled into our systems, so that if they still failed, they’d have about 15 hours to make changes to the identical US systems.

In the end, as midnight rolled past, the only failure we had was in ordering our Pay Per View movies. The ordering system thought the year was “19100”. It was fixed in minutes.

Incidentally, we also had to be ready for Sept 9th 1999, because there were bugs that targeted the date of 9/9/99.

So – the only reason that Y2K was a “damp squib” was that companies worldwide spent a year or more preparing, fixing and testing.

We succeeded. We succeeded so well that no-one noticed!!

They say virtue is its own reward, Adrian. But it’s not as satisfying a reward as, say, money or glory, or the key to a city. You all need to blow your own trumpets a lot louder next millennium.

• ALBUMS • CLASSIC EPISODES • BOOK • iTUNES • SOUNDCLOUD • FAQ •
iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH

Posted in Answer Us Back! Your time to opine | 8 Comments »

further adventures in celebripissing

November 14, 2013

••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT277 •••

Your wonderful tales of Piddling With The Stars are still trickling in; here’s one from Leon in Aberdeen:

I pissed next to Johnny Vegas backstage at ITV; he was recording QI there, I was a contestant on Tipping Point. Was going to ask for a photo, thought better of it.

I also got changed next door to Stephen Fry that day! 😮

Best day ever.

Here’s another comedian-heavy celebripiss from Jon:

I hit the men’s room after seeing The Dirty Projectors at Lincoln Center a few years ago. There were three urinals; the outside two of which were occupied by Jason Sudekis and Andy Sandburg from Saturday Night Live, chatting. I panicked for a second, then thought better and used the toilet stall.

Entrepreneurial celebripisser Phil writes:

I once stood next to Richard Branson at a urinal in a medium posh London hotel. It was some kind of Industry awards evening. I think I tried to engage him in some meta-chat about how he must have random people chatting to him all the time, he was chatty enough but finished up quickly and headed off. I do not recall seeing his cock.

And here’s a political celebripiss from Chris from Crystal Palace

I was once at a charity conference and went to the toilet, only to have the then Home Secretary David Blunkett hand me his guide dog while I was urinating. I think he confused me for his aide.

Are you dextrous enough, Chris, to control the dog and your urination at the same time? If not, this could have ended rather badly. And smellily.

• ALBUMS • CLASSIC EPISODES • BOOK • iTUNES • SOUNDCLOUD • FAQ •
iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH

Tags:, , , , ,
Posted in Answer Us Back! Your time to opine | Leave a Comment »

celebripees roundup

November 7, 2013

lmhope

••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT277 •••

Since AMT277, your tales of celebripees have been, er, flooding in. Here are some you’ve shared over Twitter and here are some more. Dan from Melbourne writes:

I was in a cafe in Wellington, New Zealand where I went to the toilet and Billy Connolly was in there at the basin washing his hands. I said “Hi, I’m a big fan.” Billy then made a joke about the chair he had broken minutes before.

Jack has also pissed in the vicinity of a comedian:

I urinated next to Norman Lovett after he did a gig at our SU once. I texted my friend to tell him so. Mad props.

Phil from London managed a comedian/pop star double celebripiss:

A couple of years ago I was working in the O2 arena in London, in the private boxes doing bar work.
In a break I went to the toilet, and found myself having a piss between Michael McIntyre and the short one out of JLS.
I had been serving them throughout the evening, and talked to them a bit, but as the rules of the mens toilets go, no conversation happened urinal to urinal.

Oscar from Swansea has also effected a musical celebriwee:

In 2003 I was working on the second and third stages of the Guildford music festival Guilfest with a group of university crew who assisted there every year.

On the last night of the festival we usually got invited backstage of the main stage to help drink the leftover riders.

That year I was sporting a broken wrist and I bumped into Alice Cooper at the backstage portacabin type urinals. He commented on my cast and asked how I got it, as one of his roadies had a similar injury.

We chatted for a bit longer outside the toilets before we got on with our evenings. Thoroughly nice bloke – a lot more down to earth than some of the acts a fraction as famous.

Steve from Pennsylvania, however, illustrates the downside of a lavatorial encounter with a musical icon:

A number of years ago, I went to see one of my favorite bands, Nothington, at a local, rather run-down bar. I figured I’d go to the bathroom a few before the band came on, and barged right in.

Unfortunately, it was a one-person toilet facility. There in all of his glory, was the leader singer going No. 2, on full display. I apologized, and made a quick exit. However, I could not fully enjoy the show, as I could only picture the singer during the show sitting on the toilet.

And now a celebripiddle with a touch of Hollywood glamour, from Jason:

At the Jefferson Hotel in Richmond VA sometime in late 2000, I went the the bathroom and found myself taking a whizz with Anthony Hopkins. He was in town filming Hannibal with Julianne Moore, who I sadly did not meet in the bathroom, or anywhere else.

I saw him later in the restaurant of the same hotel but did not speak to him either time as I assume he must get sick of being recognized all the time.

However a friend of mine did get to speak to him as the Jefferson had a deal with the YMCA across the street that allowed guests to use the gym there. After his work out Hopkins left and my friend noticed he was still carrying the Y towel he had been given. Anyway my friend who was working the front desk at the Y let him leave and walk halfway down the block just so he could run after him and point out his mistake. He was very gracious and apologetic.

And finally, a Dame Jud-wee from Ellie from Glasgow:

During a short stop on a long drive from glasgow to the north of Scotland I peed in a public toilet next to Dame Judi Dench. I was not aware it was her until we both went to the sink and I looked in the mirror to fix my hair and saw her. I just smiled, walked out and told my mum waiting outside who proceeded to shout at the top of her lungs “OMG really!” then shouted across the car park to my dad that I had a pee next to Judi Dench!

Rules of celebripiss etiquette: play it cool. That includes you, MUM.

• ALBUMS • CLASSIC EPISODES • BOOK • iTUNES • SOUNDCLOUD • FAQ •
iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH

Tags:, , , , , , ,
Posted in Answer Us Back! Your time to opine | 1 Comment »

Birmingham, city of dreams

October 29, 2013

Bham-City-Centre

••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT276 •••

In AMT277 we asked you to supply your favourite underwhelming Birmingham facts. Nick sent us this droll story about how Birmingham, Alabama inadvertently used their skyline, while Michael wrote in from under that very skyline:

I’m currently unlucky enough to live in Birmingham, and have lived here all my life. I don’t know where the people you’ve spoken to have been in Birmingham, but I can honestly say the place is a complete dump. Anyway, that’s my opinion!

I have four facts about Birmingham. All of them are as useless as the next.

1) Birmingham has the largest City Council in Europe. Fact. (This isn’t a good thing, see fact 3.)

2) Birmingham has the longest single bus route in Europe. The Number 11 Bus route is something like 26 miles long. I don’t know exactly, and I don’t have time to Google it.

3) In Birmingham no buildings compliment each other. Take the new Central Library, it’s a complete eyesore. It’s also very different to the rep theatre next door to it, and different again to many of the buildings on Broad Street and the surrounding areas. This is due to the size of the council and their planning department, so it’s often the case building plans are not dealt with by the same people, so a consistent design isn’t kept to.

4) The old Central Library in Birmingham, that the new one replaced, has had many people try to save it from demolition. For a time, the City Council refused point blank every request, until they were asked. It turns out that the whole place is subsiding. And when you see the size and complexity of the building, it’s apparent that it’d cost a shed load of money to save.

I do have, however, one interesting fact about Birmingham:

1) Cillian Murphy, the main protaganist of Peaky Blinders, worked behind the bar of The Garrison
pub during Birmingham City home games to learn the Birmingham accent.

The gauntlet has been thrown down, readers. Do you have an underwhelming fact about Birmingham, or your own home town, that can beat a Peaky Blinders location research fact?

• ALBUMS • CLASSIC EPISODES • BOOK • iTUNES • SOUNDCLOUD • FAQ •
iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH

Posted in Answer Us Back! Your time to opine, User-generated answers | 1 Comment »

portrait-hater unmasked

October 23, 2013

••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT275 •••

AMTfans, it’s very important that you understand the consequences of asking us a question. By emailing or voicemailing your question, you are giving us permission to use it in a public form. And we are NOT responsible for the consequences in your own private life.

And lo, following the question of yucky child portraits in AMT275, we received the following email from Jenny:

Instead of just letting your wife’s godmother paint a portrait of your children and hanging it in the spare room, it turns out the correct way to handle the situation is to submit a question to the favourite podcast of your wife’s eldest niece, of whom a portrait has already been painted, under the name of ‘Dave’, and then the said niece accidentally blurts out the entire thing to her favourite auntie…

Oops, sorry uncle Dunstan :/

Ruh roh! If it’s any comfort, Daveunstan, now that your secret is out, you probably won’t have to worry about your godmother-in-law bothering to paint your children any more.

• ALBUMS • CLASSIC EPISODES • BOOK • iTUNES • SOUNDCLOUD • FAQ •
iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH

Tags:
Posted in Answer Us Back! Your time to opine | Leave a Comment »

Pumpkin spice and all things nice – that’s not what lattes should be made of

October 23, 2013

pumpkin-spice-latte-sign-785463

••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT275 •••

In response to last week’s contemplation of pumpkin spice lattes, Richard sent in this informative history of the concoction, in case you were curious.

Elise has sent something stronger – a cupful of piping hot rage:

Really Olly? Americans are children because we like pumpkin spice lattes? That’s an ironic statement coming from the man who’s so infantilized that he regularly goes to Disney World and will happily tell people that he went to a character breakfast with Mickey. On purpose!

A man who is probably trying to convince his fiance that a Disney wedding would be romantic. A man so infantilized that when the store keeper told him how to take care of his furniture purchase he was appalled that he might have to do some work and take care of his toys.

You’re the child, Olly. Grow up.

Why would Olly grow up, Elise? The life you’ve described sounds amazing! Unlike a cup of coffee flavoured with gourd.

• ALBUMS • CLASSIC EPISODES • BOOK • iTUNES • SOUNDCLOUD • FAQ •
iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH

Tags:, , , ,
Posted in Answer Us Back! Your time to opine | 2 Comments »

the willy maze

October 23, 2013

••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT275 •••

Hey fellas! Rebecca from Oxford wants to get into your pants. Sort of. She has emailed in about what she terms ‘the willy maze’:

I noted a few weeks back a chap asked what the point of those spare buttons on shirts was.

I understand their purpose, and am grateful for their existence.

However, I do not understand the purpose of the little peep flaps on boxer shorts (and any other male underwear), and their little buttons.

I have asked my male friends, they say “No! We do not use them, we do not need them.”

As a nurse I find them rather handy for threading a catheter through, but the average male does not have a catheter. I can manage lady catheters without them.

So, answer me this: do you make full use of all the boxer short features, or do you like me agree it could be done away with, thus saving the fashion industry millions?

Gentlemen, offer your opinion:

• ALBUMS • CLASSIC EPISODES • BOOK • iTUNES • SOUNDCLOUD • FAQ •
iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH

Tags:, , , , ,
Posted in Answer Us Back! Your time to opine, extracurricular questions, Rock the Vote | Leave a Comment »

don’t eat the crayons

October 22, 2013

••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT275 •••

Mira has written in to warn against the crayon diet of AMT275:

While most people consider crayons non-toxic it is important to note that the paraffin is most likely made from petroleum (although it could also be made from coal extract) and the colors are pigment powders probably also made from petrochemicals.

A study from the University of Southhampton, published in The Lancet, showed a clear correlation between increased hyperactivity and ingestion of artificial colours. There are now some studies which are looking into the possibility of a link between petroleum products and carcinogenic effect.

So eating crayons is probably not as harmless as most people think it is.

Useful to know, Mira; and readers, remember: enjoy crayons responsibly.

• ALBUMS • CLASSIC EPISODES • BOOK • iTUNES • SOUNDCLOUD • FAQ •
iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH

Tags:, , , ,
Posted in Answer Us Back! Your time to opine | 1 Comment »

baby gender agenda

October 17, 2013

••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT274 •••

There’s a grand heritage of stupid ways through which to discover the sex of your unborn baby. The Chinese gender calculator. That thing where someone dangles a wedding ring on a string over the bump and observes in which direction it swings. Apparently if you walk with your right foot first, it’s a boy, but if your left boob is bigger, it’s a girl. And in the 15th-century Distaff Gospels, they recommended sprinkling salt on the head of a sleeping mother, then waiting till she wakes up and says a name, the gender of which will be the same as the baby.

But Clare from Sutton Coldfield suggests people shun all these:

Having listened to the latest episode whilst feeding my five week old baby, I felt the need to wade into the “find out or not debate”.

Conversely to Helen I did not want to find out the sex as I was hoping for a girl and knew I could only cope with a boy if I actually had my baby in my arms rather than worrying about it for months. (I had a girl, panic over!!)

The other point worth remembering is that scans can be misread. We have friend who were told in two scans they were having a girl only to have a boy. I guess not knowing is an easier surprise to handle than this!

Hmm. I wonder if the salt-on-head method is more accurate than the scans.

• ALBUMS • CLASSIC EPISODES • BOOK • iTUNES • SOUNDCLOUD • FAQ •
iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH

Tags:, ,
Posted in Answer Us Back! Your time to opine | Leave a Comment »

We need to talk about Kevin (Bacon)

October 17, 2013

Kevin-Bacon

••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT274 •••

Many of you have piped up to defend this sort of thing, including James:

In AMT274, Helen said Kevin Bacon ‘didn’t need to do the EE adverts’. Sadly he does – he and his wife lost SOOOOOO much of his money due to the Bernie Madoff’s Ponzi scheme. I think it’s also why he’s doing The Following on TV.

After I found out this, I kind of gave him a free pass in those ads.

Yes – although, when I said ‘need’, I meant artistically rather than financially. And despite all they did lose, the residue of the Bacon-Sedgwick fortune is still probably rather more than the contents of the piggybanks belonging to you, me and all the AMT listeners combined.

Nevertheless, I wouldn’t mind the EE ads so much if they recreated Tremors, using Apple Maps to confuse the Graboids into destroying the wrong town. Or Diner, with Steve Guttenberg telling Kevin off for using a mobile phone at the table. Or Flatliners, about what happens when EE’s 3G reception conks out.

• ALBUMS • CLASSIC EPISODES • BOOK • iTUNES • SOUNDCLOUD • FAQ •
iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH

Tags:, , , ,
Posted in Answer Us Back! Your time to opine | Leave a Comment »

spare presidents

October 16, 2013

••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT274 •••

Supplementary learning now thanks to Lee from Cambridge (the one in the US):

I just finished listening to your latest episode 274, in which you discuss the strangeness of the US chain of command.

First, a definition: the President Pro Tempore of the Senate is the leader of the party in power in the Senate (currently Patrick Leahy). He runs the Senate when the President of the Senate isn’t around to do so. Who is the President of the Senate? Why, it’s the Vice President of the US, since there has to be something for Biden to do other than waiting for Obama to die.

Secondly, it’s totally charming that you think we have something approaching a functional parliamentary system! Bless! You cannot call a special presidential election in the US, it states in the Constitution that the presidential elections occur every four years on the first Tuesday after the first Monday in November.

Presidents are also now constitutionally barred from serving for more than two terms, so George W. Bush couldn’t have hung on for a while; it would (most likely) have gone down the normal chain of succession into the new House and Senate.

Thanks Lee. Previously we got all our information about the order of spare presidents from the Kevin Kline film Dave. In fact we get all our information about everything from Kevin Kline films*. Between In and Out, Sophie’s Choice, The Ice Storm and A Fish Called Wanda, most matters of import are taken care of.

*A few dozen of which are available on LoveFilm, for which you can have a free month-long trial via answermethispodcast.com/lovefilm. We get free money if you do so; you get to glut yourself on Kevin Kline masterpieces. And Kevin Kline gets…to be Kevin Kline. So everyone’s happy.
• ALBUMS • CLASSIC EPISODES • BOOK • iTUNES • SOUNDCLOUD • FAQ •
iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH

Tags:, , , , ,
Posted in Answer Us Back! Your time to opine | Leave a Comment »

Yo DJ, poop this party

October 15, 2013

••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT274 •••

Pop the balloons and start gathering all the empties for recycling, because party-ender Katie from Christchurch has been back in touch:

Thanks so much for answering my question about party guests in episode 273.

Olly, thanks, yes, I am a square (but a v lively and fun one until 10pm, I’ll have you know). As it happened the party did start at 2, we played board games and drank wine, most people left at 8, then two people stayed for another TWO AND A HALF HOURS while I fidgeted in my chair and suppressed yawns.

Lesson learned, next time they get an end time, as suggested.

Admittedly, Katie, the last two stragglers are particularly difficult to shift, even if you do institute a closing time. The presence of the other makes each feel that they’re not overstaying their welcome.

Maybe what you need to do is make a big deal of a post-party engagement you yourself have to get to, so they remember they’re obligated to leave your house. March them out with you, then pretend you’ve forgotten something and need to dash back home to get it. At which point, you barricade the front door and take to your bed.

• ALBUMS • CLASSIC EPISODES • BOOK • iTUNES • SOUNDCLOUD • FAQ •
iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH

Tags:, , , , ,
Posted in Answer Us Back! Your time to opine | Leave a Comment »

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »