Here’s something that really freaked us out, from Luke:
When did Martin the Sound Man get the time to be in an Australian cider commercial?
I must say Martin looks very fetching in a dress.
UNCANNY. Even Martin watched and wondered how they managed to steal his face without him noticing.
The real Martin the Sound Man, angry and confused.
Hey, it’s Groundhog Day! The day where a large rodent prognosticates the weather, and also the day when Answer Me This! Episode 203 enters the world.
Hey, it’s Groundhog Day! The day where a large rodent prognosticates the weather, and also the day when Answer Me This! Episode 203 enters the world.
Hey, it’s Groundhog Day! The day where a large rodent prognosticates the weather, and also the day when Answer Me This! Episode 203 enters the w- OK, I’m bored of this joke now. On with the show:
Today we talk about:
cats up trees
hemp seeds
iTunes Ping (anyone? Anyone?)
‘Affirmation‘ vs. Baz Luhrmann vs. ‘If‘
gamekeepers
too much texting
Mark Zuckerberg’s businesswear
Cowboys and Aliens
national stereotypes
lessons in love from Sleepless in Seattle
and
the hat that won the West.
Plus: Olly explains the reason for the famous British emotional stuntednessstiff upper lip; Helen says “Nooooooooooo!” to apple eugenics; and Martin the Sound Man generously doles out songwriting tips to Savage Garden. If you want to hear what makes Martin such an authority on the topic, direct yourself to his latest music output HERE.
This week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices or Android) is a question from Alex from Northampton about calorie-counting bores. Talking about calorie-counting makes you put ON weight, dullards!
Thankfully you lot are the opposite of dullards, if your QUESTIONS are anything to go by: send those to us as voicemails on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or Skype answermethis) or as emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. No questions, no show! We’re not too polite to resort to blackmail.
See you next Thursday,
Helen & Olly
Despite this sort of terrifying story, we still receive the following question fairly often. Today, it came from Mark from London:
As a student, I am constantly strapped for cash and have been looking for ways to make a little extra money.
A friend recommended to me clinical trials. Some of them are pretty well paid!
So answer me this: would it be worth signing up for clinical trials? How risky are they, and is the money worth it?
I feel uncomfortable gambling with Mark’s future health and wellbeing by answering the first question; as for the second, the more money, the riskier the trial, so bear that in mind as you decide which means more to you.
Perhaps you readers can answer the third question in the comments, because for some reason I feel sure that some of you may have been lab rats in your time.
Josh has designed the packaging above, but lacks a product to go in it. He asks:
If there was a real Answer Me This! game, what would you do in it?
Probably just sit on our arses, like in real life. Not exciting enough? Erm, how about extra points for using the least amount of physical movement to make a cup of tea, go to the toilet, find the TV remote then return to the sofa?
Alright then, readers, it’s over to you: go to the comments and describe the ideal AMT game, and we’ll have a word with our friends at Square Enix to see if they can produce it in time for Christmas.
Brave Barry from Newbury is planning to make a clean breast of it (blimey, that’s an unappealing expression when you look at it):
I am a 16-year-old with a big decision to make.
After I finish school this year I am probably going to a college in a nearby town. I have liked a girl for about 8 months and we had (very) brief relationship. Although it didn’t work out, I am convinced she still has feelings for me.
I am going to the college for a fresh start so have decided to tell my friends some of my biggest secrets when I leave in August. I am going to tell this girl everything in the hope that she feels the same and something will happen.
So, answer me this: do you think I should pour out my heart to her and if so, when should I tell her?
We cannot tell you what to tell her, Barry, for we do not know what lies in your heart to be poured out. However, if you’re so convinced she still carries a torch for you, what have you got to lose? And why the hell are you waiting till August to do it, just before you leave? You could be enjoying months of fun before then! Or at least looking into alternative options, if your appraisal of the situation turns out to be erroneous.
Meanwhile, think carefully about the potential repercussions of what you’re planning to say to your friends. If it’s not very complimentary, you might be sensible to keep it to yourself, because your new college is geographically close enough to catch the tail end of a shitstorm.
Hello chums,
You’ll be relieved to hear that according to (not very respected) scientists, January 23rd was officially the most depressing day of 2012 – which means it’s onwards and upwards from here! Hooray. We’re not sure where Answer Me This! Episode 202 fits on that graph, but here you go anyway:
Today we consider:
novelty flavoured Coke
presumptuous Baptists
St Patrick’n’St Bridget
Britney’n’Kevin
Teddy Boys
oshiburi
the Elgin Marbles
Andy McNab
white tie and tails
the stork
Jack Nicholson
and
@.
Plus: Olly is a staunch traditionalist when it comes to marriage (despite being, at the same time, staunchly anti-marriage); Helen guesses what Andy McNab’s mysterious face really looks like; and Martin the Sound Man mounts an impassioned defence of the underscore.
This week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices or Android) finds Olly SHOCKED and APPALLED by his beloved Disney, because he discovered Mickey Mouse is a secret smoker. Call the tabloids!
Once you’ve done that, please call/email/Skype us, with your QUESTIONS: answermethispodcast@googlemail.com; Question Line 0208 123 5877; Skype answermethis. You must know what to do by now.
If you’re also inclined to send us something more substantial than a question, our postal address is:
Answer Me This!
PO Box 53587
London
SE19 9BQ
And if you’re free next Tuesday evening, please come along to this! Otherwise, we’ll see you back here next Thursday, as ever.
Helen & Olly
Don’t be fooled – this question from Ciaran in Liverpool is new, not from the mid-late 1990s:
My band is supporting Babybird next month (2nd February at the Liverpool O2).
Answer me this: do Babybird have any songs other than ‘You’re Gorgeous’?
Don’t say that to Stephen ‘Not at all like a baby nor a bird’ Jones himself on the 2nd, Ciaran; he’ll spit feathers! Especially as he was famously(ish) prolific, having churned out four albums in a year before ‘You’re Gorgeous’ made him into a slightly-more-than-one-hit wonder. How could you forget the follow-up single ‘Candy Girl’?
Or that single off the next album, which happens to be one of Olly’s all-time favourite songs?
Or that recent one where Johnny Depp directed the video?
To be fair to you, Ciaran, almost everyone forgot them. Probably even Stephen Jones forgot them. Let us know how the gig goes, and whether he just plays ‘You’re Gorgeous’ ten times to give the crowd what they want.
We know you love free entertainment, because you listen to podcasts. If you also like it in the form of sitting in a pub and watching actual people saying things in front of you, then you are in luck:
On Tuesday 31st January, we will be recording a radio pilot for a comedy quiz at the Phoenix Cavendish Square, and we need YOU to be in the Live Studio Audience. We will be joined by some of our favourite raconteurs, Ian Collins, Tom Parry and Bridget Christie, and as if that were not temptation enough, the pub serves very pleasing-looking food. And the price is a very recession-friendly £0.*
So please do come along; doors open at 7pm for a punctual 7.30 commencement, but remember, early arrivers get the good seats. It should all be concluded by about 9pm. Please bring a pen and paper, as -SPOILER!- you may need one.
I admit, I did a full-body wince upon reading this email from Hannah:
After listening to some of your back episodes, episode 101 caught my ear. In it you recommend, to get over a relationship, you should do things that you couldn’t when you were with the other person.
When with my ex, we had a long-standing joke about various piercings, him being pretty horrified, and me enjoying winding him up. So, when things ended a few months ago, I decided to take your advice: I got myself a clitoris piercing!
Answer me this – what is the most extreme thing you’ve done to spite/get over someone?
Errrrm…got on with my life? Boring, I know.
However, readers, you are much less boring than I, with my unpierced genitalia. So please flounce towards the comments and tell us your best stories of recovery/retaliation.
You sure can read a lot into those curved wine bottle bottoms. After last week’s speculation upon their reason/purpose, Dan tells us:
I have a sommelier mate, and according to her the curve in the bottom of the bottle is to help keep sediment in the bottom of the bottle.
It certainly sounds plausible. Meanwhile, nobody has been in touch to refute my assertion that a flat bottle bottom is as reliable an indicator of a rubbish wine as a picture of a high heeled shoe on the label.
Hello listeners!
Welcome to Answer Me This! Episode 201: the first episode of the year, and the first since the podcast turned five years old. Helen’s niece Matilda turned five the other day too; she celebrated by eating a plate of spaghetti with her hands, and we’re only moderately more civilised:
Wherein we consider:
cake pops
Al Capone
moon plots
The Gun Seller
pease pudding
Catch-22
Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie
supermarket trolleys
Ready Steady Cook
pushy parents
the North Wales Police
and
Anthony Worrall Thompson.
Plus: Olly harks back to when he won an election – he claims democratically, but then so did Putin; one day, Helen dreamed a dream of becoming Brian Turner, but never did it come to pass; and after twelve and a half years in the dark, Martin the Sound Man finally hears the sad news that the Two Fat Ladies will not be returning to his television screen.
This week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices or Android) concerns the only thing we don’t like about Mexican restaurants: the unwelcome phenomenon we like to call ‘Guac Tax’.
Well, that’s the new series begun, but please help us make it an absolute corker by sending us your exquisitely finely-honed QUESTIONS, as emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com and voicemails on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877, Skype answermethis).
And although our birthday has passed, we’re stuck with the PO Box for another four months, so do please send us a token of esteem if you are so moved:
Answer Me This!
PO Box 53587
London
SE19 9BQ
Also, if you want to be moved to tears of derision like John, the final caller in the episode, scroll down to the bottom of this post to see the pictures of our parents (oh alright, Olly’s lovely mum).
See you next Thursday,
Helen & Olly
There is not an actual mantelpiece in the AMT Cabinet Office, but thanks to you guys, our mantelpiece-substitute is bristling with cards:
Answer Me This! Podcast 