Answer Me This! Podcast

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Hello champs,

To all our American listeners: Happy Thanksgiving! And to the rest of you – go and sit in the corner and think about what you’ve done.
Then listen to Episode 77, wherein dwell such topics as:

Phone Booth
the Vengabus
Dick van Dyke
‘The Owl and the Pussycat’
James Whittaker
Whitney Houston
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
levitation
fire-juggling
Jack Lemmon
the mirth of rats
King Lear
equality in the workplace – medieval style
Ulysses
and
the other Martin Austwick.

Furthermore, Olly misremembers hardboiled egg tricks; Helen becomes near incandescent with rage over snacks; and Martin the Sound Man is uncharacteristically quiet but click here if you want to hear more of him.

As ever, if you have a QUESTION for us, get in touch by Skypeing answermethis, phoning 0208 123 5877 or emailing answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Also if you have a namealike with a rogue profession, like this week’s questioneer Geoff, leave a comment below telling us of the Shakespearean hilarity!

Helen and Olly

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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Hello there, old-timers! And new-timers! And egg-timers. If you could just stop timing things for just two seconds (plus a further thirty minutes and twenty seconds), perhaps you could listen to Answer Me This! Episode 76. And just before you resume your stop-watches, here are some of the things under discussion this week:

Bergerac
Dawson’s Creek
the indefatigable constitution of Jack Bauer
Dutch cartographers
Abel Tasman
space-hoppers
Steve Guttenberg
Bilbo Baggins’s holiday home
Alan Fletcher
Holly Hunter’s jugs
and
fascinators.

Plus, Olly gets flag envy; Helen is thankful that she had no disposable income when she was five; and Martin the Sound Man is all rock’n’roll from the waist down. Ugh. We also celebrate the fact that someone finally fell for one of Olly’s get-rich-quick schemes! Well done, Mark from Essex, for taking Olly’s vision and making it reality.

If any of the rest of you fancy doing that, or merely want to send us a QUESTION as usual, get in touch by Skypeing answermethis, phoning 0208 123 5877 or emailing answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Following our contemplation of one of David’s questions at the end of the episode, this week we’re particularly keen for you to leave a comment on the website detailing your most expensive and embarrassing piece of clothing. Preferably with pictorial evidence. Don’t be shy!

See you next week,

Helen and Olly

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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Hello there, dear chums,

Things get pretty heated in Episode 75 of Answer Me This!. It must be a pretty important issue to cause an altercation between us, right? Well, what could be a more inflammatory topic than whether or not Fantasia is dull? Listen to the episode, and remember to nod or shake your head at the appropriate junctures.

Aside from Fantasia, topics of conversation include:
Aristocats
Interpol
Olly’s mum’s hat collection
Martin’s dad’s head collection
bready drinks
Cole Porter
Four Weddings and a Funeral
Lord Admiral Nelson
Gyles Brandreth
Sebastian Horsley
Oscar Wilde’s podcast
Children in Need vs. Help the Aged
Mary Poppins
gunmetal grey
and
bee wangs.

Plus, Olly describes his early forays into Amsterdam-style theatricals; Helen worries about a poorly punctuated epitaph; and Martin the Sound Man suggests leaving the poor ickle kiddies to fend for themselves. What a hard-hearted rotter! Pudsey Bear is patrolling the streets looking for him right now, to give him a good piece of his mind.

And while he’s doing that, why don’t you give US a piece of YOUR mind by sending us a QUESTION? You can Skype answermethis, phone 0208 123 5877 or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com; or you could just ululate into the wind and hope for the best. It’s not as reliable a method as the others, though. Thank goodness for the communication opportunities offered by technology.

See you next week!

Helen and Olly

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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Hello dear listeners,

Of course this week saw a New Dawn, and all over the world change is sprouting through the ground like the year’s first snowdrops…except at Answer Me This!, where Episode 74 sticks to the old formula of smut, gubbins and half-brained fact. Vote with your mouse, and click to hear it. Maintaining the status quo are such topics as:

Donkey Punch
Californian lavatories
licentious Space Mountain
elephant-flavoured Fanta
Big Ben vs. Centrepoint
Ben Adams (both solo and in A1)
pre-natal boozing
sock fetishes
HMS Victory
marriage-wrecking
and
Aphex Twin.

Plus, Martin the Sound Man tells why you should always doubt news stories based on reports and statistics; Helen suggests a novel way to cover one’s face during the ‘ugly duckling’ years; Olly weaves a riveting story out of St Alban’s, Laura Ashley and his new bathroom cabinet. You wouldn’t think it could be done, would you? Well, by no means cease thinking that.

We’ll be back next week with Episode 75, so please send us YOUR QUESTIONS thus: Skype answermethis, phone 0208 123 5877 or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

Seeya!

Helen and Olly

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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Trick or treat, listeners? Trick or treat?

Actually it doesn’t matter which you pick – we’re only going to give you Answer Me This! Episode 73 anyway. Which lacks the surprise factor, but is better than a mini-Mars bar or a rotten egg through your letterbox. Promise!

Secreted in the episode, like the razorblades hidden in the apples old Mr Scratchbastard is giving out, are such topics as:

Daniel Craig
Immac
Home Alone
Primark’s politically incorrect jimjams
Barbie vs. Metallica
Emo Phillips vs. Emu
Home Depot vs. Alton Towers
Jack Bauer vs. monuments
ovulation
Mariella Frostrup
film noir
A Bug’s Life
special macchiato
the Russian Royal Family
and
laughing gas.

Plus! Olly kindles envy with his voluptuous cleavage; Helen practices her sexy voice; and Martin the Sound Man gets ladybirds mixed up with ladyboys. Which might explain some of the pictures on his computer.

Also, if you’re interested in some of our extra-curricular activities this week, watch Olly talking about the newspapers 11.30pm Friday 31st on Sky News, or Helen talking about ping-pong robots on yesterday’s Skynews.com. If you’re not, and would prefer to send us a QUESTION or just to get in touch, please Skype answermethis, phone 0208 123 5877 or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

See you next week, unless we’re all eaten by ghosts!

Helen and Olly

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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Hello chaps! And apologies for the lack of an episode last week, although we’ve very much enjoyed your guesses as to which operation Helen had. There are many outlandish suggestions – and one of you was very close! – but you can find out the prosaic truth by listening to Episode 72.

Along with the identity of Helen’s mystery ailment, the episode holds such noisebits as:

guinea-pigs
Rear Window
the many hits of Status Quo
karma
Imax-face
Global Hypercolour*
Fortnum’n’Mason
douche-bags
Goldwyn-Mayer syndrome
great British cheeses
and
romantic advice for Michelle Branch.

Plus, Olly is a traitor to his own sex, Helen bemoans her wonky corneas, and Martin the Sound Man shows vaunting ambition for his spiritual future.

Also, thanks to the dozens of you who wrote in to avail Mark from Essex of the information about the song he sought in Episode 71, and happy 18th birthday to AMT! superfan James from Lincolnshire! If you have more songs, birthdays or, most importantly, QUESTIONS to tell us about, don’t be shy: please Skype answermethis, phone 0208 123 5877 or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

See you next week, unless we have to have emergency bottomectomies or something!

Helen and Olly

*UPDATE: Dagnammit, it seems Global Hypercolour may be making a comeback! Fiona in New York tells us that American Apparel is staging a revival of revolting colour-changing t-shirts. Batten down the hatches before we’re all deluged by a tide of other pointless crap returning from the 90s, like Pop Swatches and the band Echobelly.

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Dear Answer Me This! listeners,

I’m sorry to tell you that Episode 72 isn’t coming out today – Helen had to go and have an operation, so must lie about in bed this week rather than mess about with audio files and whatnot. Provided she doesn’t choke on a grape or her own laziness, normal service will be resumed next Thursday.

If you want some amusement in the meantime, leave a comment guessing what operation she had done; first person to get it right wins a pair of surgical stockings and a pack of supermarket own-brand ibuprofen.

Yours,

Helen’s Mum

Helen after her sense of humour bypass

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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Hello friends!

How nice to see you again (in an abstract way). In response to all of you who enquired: yes, thankyou, we very much enjoyed our month off. No, we did not go anywhere nice on a holiday. Although we did take a trip to Croydon to buy Martin the Sound Man a new swivel chair. But we have it on good authority that the experience was at least 70% similar to a fortnight at a Sandals resort.

Anyway, to business! Firstly, we were utterly overjoyed to see how eagerly you lot took to our Camcorder Challenge. The competition closed last Friday night, and you can read all about it HERE, as well as listen all about it in Episode 70.

And what sort of things have shot out of us after a month of podcastly abstinence?

Minesweeper
sexual politics of yesterdecade
Frubes
the shamelessness of animals
Jackie Mason
Harvester
the fascist bastards of the Chelsea Flower Show
the Boston Bean
best men
the Queen’s chewing-gum
surprise parties
Selfridges
this sort of thing
and
the joke that will be funny forever and ever.

And that’s not all! Olly recreates his first ever podcast; Helen admits to a relative who DOESN’T go in for swearing; and Martin the Sound Man tries to mimic a drumroll sound and just coats the AMT! studio in spittle. Cheers, Martin.

As well as asking us some lovely juicy QUESTIONS for the new series, by Skype-ing answermethis, phoning 0208 123 5877 or emailing answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, please leave a comment on this post revealing what your first words were. Ours were ‘wank’ (Olly), ‘”they’re”, NOT “their”!’ (Helen) and ‘Higgs boson’ (Martin the Sound Man), or at least should have been, rather than the fairly prosaic stuff we did apparently come out with.

We look forward to reading your outpourings, and we hope you enjoy listening to ours over the Michaelmas series! It’s delightful to be back.

Helen and Olly

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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free.)

Phew, it has been a LONG series of Answer Me This!; at this point we’re no more capable of answering a question informatively than we are of running 100 metres in under a minute and a half. But we’ll be back recharged on October 1st, and in the meantime you MUST have a go at Helen and Olly’s Camcorder Challenge! You must also listen to Episode 69, wherein lie such topics as:

IMPORTANT LAVA LAMP ADVICE
the instant garlicinator
bouquets vs. Burtons
dogs vs. the various things they can tear apart
Demi Moore
Spin the Bottle
evil tactics of the Girl Guides
the wrongness of conducting relationships via MSN
inappropriate things to do with mashed potato
biological clocks
Buddhism for Kids
and
George Clooney.

And as for other entertainments:
• On Wednesday 27th Olly was guesting on the Richard Bacon show on BBC Radio Five Live – click here to listen to it!
• Martin the Sound Man has a new EP and for a limited time only you can download it for FREE via his website – do that!
• On Thursday 28th, Channel 4 broadcast a Comedy Lab starring friends-of-the-podcast Pappy’s Fun Club – you have until 4th September to watch it online!
• And if you want to torture yourself by listening to Olly’s favourite Billy Joel song, ‘All for Leyna’, click here! (Although we really can’t recommend it.)

We’ve still got an enormous heap of questions that didn’t make it onto the podcast, and we’ll be trying to answer some of those in written form on here during our month off, so check back here often! And of course please do keep adding to our question pile so that we’ve got a festival of excitement to come back to in the new series: send questions to our phone line 0208 123 5877, Skype account answermethis or answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

Stay in touch! We’ll be back before you know it!

Helen and Olly
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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Greetings, chums!

We hope you have a super-duper bank holiday weekend (or just weekend, if you’re reading this from Abroad). If you can find a window between the traditional bank holiday activities of sitting on a rain-soaked beach, punching your beloved over your half-assembled Ikea wardrobe, or wondering why the mayor in The Dark Knight is wearing SO much eyeliner, have a listen to Episode 68.

And with what sort of guff are we filling the time this week? Well:

Chaka Demus and Pliers
Most Gay Haunted
Candyman
Khan’s Bargain Superstore
Christina Aguilera vs untidy bedrooms
salad dressing
gay dads
Hulk merch
platonic soulmates
and
the grimmest breakfast in Christendom (apart from the guy on Come Dine With Me who made a Full English Breakfast curry. Heeeeeave!!!!).

Plus: Olly shares the secret of undintable happiness; Helen reveals the hidden perils of marrying a non-Jew; and Martin the Sound Man shows how Guns’n’Roses made him the man he is today – although that seems up for some debate.

Now the last episode of this series of Answer Me This! is only a week away (or considerably less away than that if you factor in that it is all pre-recorded), so hurry hurry HURRY and send in your questions to our phone line 0208 123 5877, Skype account answermethis or answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Last one there’s a curried egg!

But during the podcast’s month of vacation, we’ll be leaving you with an Exciting Challenge – so make sure you check in next week to find out what it is!

See you then, then,

Helen and Olly

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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Dear listeners,

We hope you are enjoying the grouse season. If not, then you might as well listen to Episode 67. Lurking like lead shot in the gravy are topics including:

snakebite
Graham from Canada = the Leigh Bowery of Canada?
slant rhymes
Cheese Inspector Wexford
Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day
Sue Barker
Stratford vs. Stratford
Eeyore vs. Esau
Barry Norman vs. Paul Newman in the battle of the condiments
recessive genes
Shirley Manson
and
leotards.

Yum.

As there are only two more episodes left of the current series of Answer Me This!, get your questions in! Phone 0208 123 5877, Skype answermethis or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, and we’ll endeavour to apply our weary wits to them before we toddle off for a month’s recuperation. This podcasting stuff really takes it out of you…even though all it actually involves is sitting on a chair and talking until your lower jaw has to be tied back on with a bungee cord.

Peace out!

Helen and Olly

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