Answer Me This! Podcast

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Trick or treat, listeners? Trick or treat?

Actually it doesn’t matter which you pick – we’re only going to give you Answer Me This! Episode 73 anyway. Which lacks the surprise factor, but is better than a mini-Mars bar or a rotten egg through your letterbox. Promise!

Secreted in the episode, like the razorblades hidden in the apples old Mr Scratchbastard is giving out, are such topics as:

Daniel Craig
Immac
Home Alone
Primark’s politically incorrect jimjams
Barbie vs. Metallica
Emo Phillips vs. Emu
Home Depot vs. Alton Towers
Jack Bauer vs. monuments
ovulation
Mariella Frostrup
film noir
A Bug’s Life
special macchiato
the Russian Royal Family
and
laughing gas.

Plus! Olly kindles envy with his voluptuous cleavage; Helen practices her sexy voice; and Martin the Sound Man gets ladybirds mixed up with ladyboys. Which might explain some of the pictures on his computer.

Also, if you’re interested in some of our extra-curricular activities this week, watch Olly talking about the newspapers 11.30pm Friday 31st on Sky News, or Helen talking about ping-pong robots on yesterday’s Skynews.com. If you’re not, and would prefer to send us a QUESTION or just to get in touch, please Skype answermethis, phone 0208 123 5877 or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

See you next week, unless we’re all eaten by ghosts!

Helen and Olly

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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Hello chaps! And apologies for the lack of an episode last week, although we’ve very much enjoyed your guesses as to which operation Helen had. There are many outlandish suggestions – and one of you was very close! – but you can find out the prosaic truth by listening to Episode 72.

Along with the identity of Helen’s mystery ailment, the episode holds such noisebits as:

guinea-pigs
Rear Window
the many hits of Status Quo
karma
Imax-face
Global Hypercolour*
Fortnum’n’Mason
douche-bags
Goldwyn-Mayer syndrome
great British cheeses
and
romantic advice for Michelle Branch.

Plus, Olly is a traitor to his own sex, Helen bemoans her wonky corneas, and Martin the Sound Man shows vaunting ambition for his spiritual future.

Also, thanks to the dozens of you who wrote in to avail Mark from Essex of the information about the song he sought in Episode 71, and happy 18th birthday to AMT! superfan James from Lincolnshire! If you have more songs, birthdays or, most importantly, QUESTIONS to tell us about, don’t be shy: please Skype answermethis, phone 0208 123 5877 or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

See you next week, unless we have to have emergency bottomectomies or something!

Helen and Olly

*UPDATE: Dagnammit, it seems Global Hypercolour may be making a comeback! Fiona in New York tells us that American Apparel is staging a revival of revolting colour-changing t-shirts. Batten down the hatches before we’re all deluged by a tide of other pointless crap returning from the 90s, like Pop Swatches and the band Echobelly.

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Dear Answer Me This! listeners,

I’m sorry to tell you that Episode 72 isn’t coming out today – Helen had to go and have an operation, so must lie about in bed this week rather than mess about with audio files and whatnot. Provided she doesn’t choke on a grape or her own laziness, normal service will be resumed next Thursday.

If you want some amusement in the meantime, leave a comment guessing what operation she had done; first person to get it right wins a pair of surgical stockings and a pack of supermarket own-brand ibuprofen.

Yours,

Helen’s Mum

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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Hello friends!

How nice to see you again (in an abstract way). In response to all of you who enquired: yes, thankyou, we very much enjoyed our month off. No, we did not go anywhere nice on a holiday. Although we did take a trip to Croydon to buy Martin the Sound Man a new swivel chair. But we have it on good authority that the experience was at least 70% similar to a fortnight at a Sandals resort.

Anyway, to business! Firstly, we were utterly overjoyed to see how eagerly you lot took to our Camcorder Challenge. The competition closed last Friday night, and you can read all about it HERE, as well as listen all about it in Episode 70.

And what sort of things have shot out of us after a month of podcastly abstinence?

Minesweeper
sexual politics of yesterdecade
Frubes
the shamelessness of animals
Jackie Mason
Harvester
the fascist bastards of the Chelsea Flower Show
the Boston Bean
best men
the Queen’s chewing-gum
surprise parties
Selfridges
this sort of thing
and
the joke that will be funny forever and ever.

And that’s not all! Olly recreates his first ever podcast; Helen admits to a relative who DOESN’T go in for swearing; and Martin the Sound Man tries to mimic a drumroll sound and just coats the AMT! studio in spittle. Cheers, Martin.

As well as asking us some lovely juicy QUESTIONS for the new series, by Skype-ing answermethis, phoning 0208 123 5877 or emailing answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, please leave a comment on this post revealing what your first words were. Ours were ‘wank’ (Olly), ‘”they’re”, NOT “their”!’ (Helen) and ‘Higgs boson’ (Martin the Sound Man), or at least should have been, rather than the fairly prosaic stuff we did apparently come out with.

We look forward to reading your outpourings, and we hope you enjoy listening to ours over the Michaelmas series! It’s delightful to be back.

Helen and Olly

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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free.)

Phew, it has been a LONG series of Answer Me This!; at this point we’re no more capable of answering a question informatively than we are of running 100 metres in under a minute and a half. But we’ll be back recharged on October 1st, and in the meantime you MUST have a go at Helen and Olly’s Camcorder Challenge! You must also listen to Episode 69, wherein lie such topics as:

IMPORTANT LAVA LAMP ADVICE
the instant garlicinator
bouquets vs. Burtons
dogs vs. the various things they can tear apart
Demi Moore
Spin the Bottle
evil tactics of the Girl Guides
the wrongness of conducting relationships via MSN
inappropriate things to do with mashed potato
biological clocks
Buddhism for Kids
and
George Clooney.

And as for other entertainments:
• On Wednesday 27th Olly was guesting on the Richard Bacon show on BBC Radio Five Live – click here to listen to it!
• Martin the Sound Man has a new EP and for a limited time only you can download it for FREE via his website – do that!
• On Thursday 28th, Channel 4 broadcast a Comedy Lab starring friends-of-the-podcast Pappy’s Fun Club – you have until 4th September to watch it online!
• And if you want to torture yourself by listening to Olly’s favourite Billy Joel song, ‘All for Leyna’, click here! (Although we really can’t recommend it.)

We’ve still got an enormous heap of questions that didn’t make it onto the podcast, and we’ll be trying to answer some of those in written form on here during our month off, so check back here often! And of course please do keep adding to our question pile so that we’ve got a festival of excitement to come back to in the new series: send questions to our phone line 0208 123 5877, Skype account answermethis or answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

Stay in touch! We’ll be back before you know it!

Helen and Olly
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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Greetings, chums!

We hope you have a super-duper bank holiday weekend (or just weekend, if you’re reading this from Abroad). If you can find a window between the traditional bank holiday activities of sitting on a rain-soaked beach, punching your beloved over your half-assembled Ikea wardrobe, or wondering why the mayor in The Dark Knight is wearing SO much eyeliner, have a listen to Episode 68.

And with what sort of guff are we filling the time this week? Well:

Chaka Demus and Pliers
Most Gay Haunted
Candyman
Khan’s Bargain Superstore
Christina Aguilera vs untidy bedrooms
salad dressing
gay dads
Hulk merch
platonic soulmates
and
the grimmest breakfast in Christendom (apart from the guy on Come Dine With Me who made a Full English Breakfast curry. Heeeeeave!!!!).

Plus: Olly shares the secret of undintable happiness; Helen reveals the hidden perils of marrying a non-Jew; and Martin the Sound Man shows how Guns’n’Roses made him the man he is today – although that seems up for some debate.

Now the last episode of this series of Answer Me This! is only a week away (or considerably less away than that if you factor in that it is all pre-recorded), so hurry hurry HURRY and send in your questions to our phone line 0208 123 5877, Skype account answermethis or answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Last one there’s a curried egg!

But during the podcast’s month of vacation, we’ll be leaving you with an Exciting Challenge – so make sure you check in next week to find out what it is!

See you then, then,

Helen and Olly

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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Dear listeners,

We hope you are enjoying the grouse season. If not, then you might as well listen to Episode 67. Lurking like lead shot in the gravy are topics including:

snakebite
Graham from Canada = the Leigh Bowery of Canada?
slant rhymes
Cheese Inspector Wexford
Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day
Sue Barker
Stratford vs. Stratford
Eeyore vs. Esau
Barry Norman vs. Paul Newman in the battle of the condiments
recessive genes
Shirley Manson
and
leotards.

Yum.

As there are only two more episodes left of the current series of Answer Me This!, get your questions in! Phone 0208 123 5877, Skype answermethis or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, and we’ll endeavour to apply our weary wits to them before we toddle off for a month’s recuperation. This podcasting stuff really takes it out of you…even though all it actually involves is sitting on a chair and talking until your lower jaw has to be tied back on with a bungee cord.

Peace out!

Helen and Olly

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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Hello there, old timers,

Wave your walking sticks, it’s Episode 66! Then turn up your hearing-aids to 11 and listen to Episode 66. And, sprinkled therein, like digestive biscuit crumbs down the front of your cardigan, are such topics as:

AMT as the basis of the post-Julian calendar system
Cornwall in April
Jewish matchmakers
Cheese! The Musical
the attractions of York
sugared almonds
‘Radio Gaga’
Henry Clay Work
medical emoticons
drunk-dialling
crumpets
serrano ham
the hazards of deviating from wedding traditions
and
the Creaky Buttocks.

Plus! Helen gets herself into a crossword; Olly gets himself into the Condescenders’ Club with an octogenarian matchmaker; and Martin the Sound Man does a pun that almost slips under the radar, but instead splatters the radar with Category 4 wordplay. Furthermore, we attempt to help with the love-lives of various young listeners, as if they shouldn’t be saving all that romantic stuff until they’re at least thirty-five. However if YOU have a love-life (or issue of any other kind) that you wish us to go sticking our oars into, please send us an email to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com
or leave a message on 0208 123 5877 or Skype answermethis. We might just have the answer you’ve been hoping for all these years! Although we’ll probably disguise it behind a curtain of stupid banter as ever. What. A. Service.

Helen and Olly

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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

So, Answer Me This! has this week reached its sixty-fifth episode; altogether there’s more than thirty hours of it, which is about the same as the working week of a lazy person; and yet it’s only now that clownfishes’ vaginas have been alluded to. What the hell have we been doing all this time?

Whatever it is, here’s some more of it. And though we were almost passing out in the boiling-hot studio, we remembered to include such important points of order as:

President Schwarzenegger
Richard Attenborough’s Ghandi vs. Richard Attenborough as Ghandi
virgin slugs
Ouranos
Letchworth swimming pool
the cast of Hollyoaks
old men’s scrotums
The Pier
the Cincinnati Foreskins
the declining stamina of Craig David
and
the greatest pun of the New Romantic era.

Plus: Olly has the waist of a girl; Helen makes some spooky noises; and Martin the Sound Man attempts a rap. Cover your ears.

This week’s simmering weather is somewhat blunting our question-answering skills, but if you have some questions for us to attempt in – hopefully colder – future episodes, then please send them to 0208 123 5877, Skype ID answermethis or answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

Flipmode!

Helen and Olly

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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

‘Fiddlededee, biddlededee, will you still need us, will you still feed us, when it’s Episode 64?’

Jeez, stop being so needy! And stop running around after us with a hearty bowlful of porridge, alright? Just settle the heck down and listen to the episode instead!

Drifting forth from our weary mouths this week are such conversational wisps as:

Moses
buffalo wings
Lemsip
DIY haircuts
boozy Sikhs
the Guinness Factory
the Ironbridge rubber duck race
whisky
Brits abroad
Scottish cheese
the interrogative voice
speeding
widows’ curtains
and
Grams from Dawson’s Creek.

Meanwhile, Olly takes a brief break from upsetting the Welsh by setting his sights upon the Scots and the Irish; Helen reveals why drummers count enthusiastically before songs; and Martin the Sound Man shirks his student loan. Did you really think you could get your degree from the Sound Man Academy for free, Martin?

“No, Martin!” cries Grams. “You cannot expect the taxpayer to shoulder the burden for your eight years of tertiary education! Now, how about a slice of pie?”

Shut it, Grams! Your sanctimonious homespun wisdom has no place at Answer Me This!, so get sardonic or get out!

Anyway, if you want some proper AMT-style homespun wisdom, please deliver YOUR QUESTIONS for future episodes to 0208 123 5877, Skype ID answermethis or answermethispodcast@googlemail.com and hopefully we can wallop them right back at you with the kind of advice that Grams would be as horrified by as she is by fun, urban life and spiders.

See you next week!

Helen and Olly
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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Hello fellows,

We like the Kings Cross-Honor Oak bus route 63 so much, we’ve named Answer Me This! Episode 63 after it! Although Episode 63 won’t shuttle you between Peckham and Clerkenwell in double-quick time, it will emulate the effect of the passenger next to you muttering crazy nonsense into your ear. To get that “Oh God, can I pretend to be asleep? Will he never shut up about how the cast of The Bill are all actually secret policemen? Does he seem mad because of the face tattoo, or did he get the face tattoo because he was mad?” effect, just click.

You’ll have to imagine the background of tinny R&B played through someone’s sodding phone whilst you are assailed by such subjects as:

Julie Burchill and her opinions
jiggly boobs
U vs Non-U
Lord Byron’s mucky podcast
pork
quiche
the power of My Cousin Vinny
the world’s first colour photo
the world’s first zig-zig machine
fake Arne Jacobsen chairs
and
common sense.

Plus, Olly attempts to downgrade his poshness; Helen is approximately as fascinating to watch as Channel 4’s biggest hit; and Martin the Sound Man makes a joke about Dr Alban. It’s things like that which probably caused the awful headache and stomach pains reported by Charles from Bath after chain-listening to Answer Me This!. Know your limits, people!

Now, we know school’s (almost) out for the summer, but Answer Me This! isn’t so send us YOUR QUESTIONS for future episodes by emailing answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, phoning 0208 123 5877 or Skype-ing answermethis.

See you next week!

Helen and Olly

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