Archive for the ‘Answer Us Back! Your time to opine’ Category

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Nick’s Erecticon

April 3, 2007

In response to Rosie’s question about emoticons in episode 11, Olly suggested there is a gap in the market for an emoticon shaped like an erect penis, in order to express extreme joy.

And now, thanks to listener Nick, there is! Check it out:

I think this looks like a stiffy.

<=8

Or, if you wanted to be rude:

– – <=8

Cor! Lock up your grannies, readers! That there erecticon’s saucier than a giant bottle of ketchup!

(By the way, if you are interested in songs about giant bottles of ketchup, why not check out Martin the Sound Man’s collaboration with Josie Long, The People’s Sauce?)

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Olly’s sneeze affliction

February 22, 2007

* Click here to listen to Episode 6 *

In Episode 6 of Answer Me This!, Olly sensationally revealed that his sneezes reek beyond the limits of human endurance. Despite being in the business of answering questions, we failed to discover a reason for this stinkiness, and a week on, the mystery continues.

However, though a cure remains frustratingly elusive, we were overjoyed to discover Olly ‘Freaknostrils’ Mann is not alone, when the following email from listener Geri leapt into our inbox this morning:

Not a question, more of a plea…

I heard Olly confess that his sneezes smell terrible on a recent
show and I suffer from this too. My husband even rolls the window
down when I sneeze in the car. He calls it my death sneeze ‘cos it
literally smells of death!

Please please please Olly, i look to you to find the cause of our
affliction.

You are not alone.

Geri *achhhooooo*

Wow! So even dainty ladylike sneezes can smell like a llama’s toilet!

But how many smelly-sneezers are still in the (pongy) closet? Show yourselves, and Answer Me This! will provide haven for you. Together we can beat this thing, people! Although we’ll not take you all on a picnic in hayfever season.

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Posted in Answer Us Back! Your time to opine, sneezing | 112 Comments »

Humble Pie II

February 20, 2007

* Click here for Episode 6 of Answer Me This! *

The guilt is running high at Answer Me This!, and not just because Helen and Olly are both Jews. Following last week’s hoo-ha, when Helen was Mrs Glib about the health of listener Nick and her own father in Episode 5, did we keep our big, flapping mouths in check in Episode 6?

No, we did not.

Listener Paul, hearing that the Answer Me This! question coffers needed replenishing, was kind enough to send us a big list of very good questions. We are genuinely thrilled when we receive questions from our listeners, and when someone sends us several at once, it feels like Christmas.

So how did we repay Paul in Episode 6? With teasing, fun-poking and general meanness! Instead of appropriately reading Paul’s question “Why do all girls hate me?” as a query as to why, thus far, his romances have foundered, and offering useful advice for love-finding, we chose to interpret it as indicating Paul to be a doubly incontinent neocon with a subscription to Nuts magazine and a diet of raw kitten. We then asked women who hate Paul to get in touch with us and tell us why. As it turns out, no such correspondence was forthcoming: independent sources have confirmed to us that Paul is, in fact, a fine young man and furthermore a fair hit with the ladies.

So with all the sincerity we can muster from our withered little hearts, we say: Sorry, Paul. And sorry, listeners. We promise to try to comport ourselves better in future.

And if you’re still game to do so, email us questions: answermethispodcast@googlemail.com

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another milestone for Answer Me This!

January 30, 2007

Back in the olden days (ie episode 2), we asked you listeners whether you’d listened to Answer Me This! in a plane, or failing that what was the weirdest place in which you’d listened to the podcast. Answers to the latter, quite fairly, ranged from ‘in the nude’ to ‘Nottingham’.

However, after the following email trotted into our inbox this morning, I am delighted to announce that Answer Me This! has achieved its first mile-high listener:

Dear Helen and Olly,

Weren’t you wondering recently whether anyone had signed answermethispodcast into the mile high club? Well I did! But not in a dirty way. Last Sunday, episode 2, London Heathrow to Chicago O’Hare, somewhere near Iceland!

Congratulations!

Alex D

And congratulations back at you, Alex D. The challenge is on, listeners – beat that! I look forward to hearing from Gerald A. Spacetourist: ‘I listened to episode 6004 whilst orbiting the Moon. To be honest, having spent £1million on the trip, I should have waited until I got home.’

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Posted in Answer Us Back! Your time to opine, News, User-generated answers | 1 Comment »

Martin the Sound Man’s eggy web of deceit

January 24, 2007

* To listen to episode 3 of Answer Me This!, click here *

Last year, Martin the Sound Man released an EP called Tissue Of Lies.

I didn’t think the title was of any especial significance. UNTIL NOW.

You know that stuff about poached eggs that Martin was spouting in episode three? Something about how to twiddle with the ions so that the proteins do something or other? (OK, I admit my mind did wander a bit.) Remember that?

Well, we’ve had an email from a scientist called May. Her email address is ‘proteinsaredifficult’, which suggests she sure knows her stuff about proteins. She says:

The core of the protein consists of tightly packed hydrophobic residues, whereas the surface is mostly hydrophillic. Water molecules are unlikely to “break” into the protein and diffuse the egg because the residues are so tightly packed.

In translation: “What Martin said about the science behind coagulating egg-whites was a load of horseshit. And just because he has a PhD in quantum physics (which he probably BOUGHT OFF THE INTERNET anyway) doesn’t mean he knows shit about shinola. Or egg-whites.”

So, Martin, you are officially a Bad Egg and you have brought Answer Me This! into disrepute. Shame on you! Shame!!!!

Lest we get into this sort of hot water again, here’s a little advance warning: in episode 4, Olly accidentally says ‘pineapple’ when he meant ‘pumpkin’. I apologise in advance if this affects your enjoyment of his joke.

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Jude ‘Crystal-Pissing’ Law

January 24, 2007

* To listen to episode 3 of Answer Me This!, click here *

Way back in episode two, we broached the subject of the Jude Law film The Wisdom of Crocodiles, in which he plays a serial killer who, after killing someone, pisses a crystal and puts it into a special box.

To elaborate upon this issue, we’ve had an email from Nathan, who says:

Answer me this: Did you know that Jude “Crocodile Tears” Law’s crystal-pissing condition has some basis in reality? Healthy urine may contain three types of crystals Oxalate, Triple Phosphate and Cystine. However, Jude’s crystals seem (from your description) to be more unusual which suggests that he may be suffering from liver disease of “maple syrup urine” disease.

Poor old Jude. No wonder his fictional self was cross enough to kill Timothy Spall.

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