I have a job. It’s maternity cover, but I might be offered a permanent position even if the formerly-pregnant woman comes back. I don’t know for sure, so I’ve been looking into other jobs. If I get an interview for a job, how can I take the day off work, without anyone finding out it’s for an interview?
Tell them you’ve got a doctor’s appointment? That you’re going to a funeral (also explaining away your uncharacteristically smart attire)?
I’m not well-placed to answer this since it’s been many, many years since I had a job where anyone would have noticed my absence. So readers, step in and tell Phil in the comments how to dodge office scrutiny in this matter.
We are delighted to announce that our book is out TODAY. As is, similarly delightfully, Answer Me This! Episode 155:
This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)
This week we mention such things as:
premature poppies
‘Barwick Green’
Abi Titmuss Essential Modern Classics – The Phantom Tollbooth
Banana Skins Slippage Committee
herrings
the edible Fleshlight
hostess trolleys
spinning cakestands
marrowfat peas
ten pin bowling, North London Jew-style
British population density vs. Canadian population density
and
Vince Neil’s eggy crotch.
Plus: Olly laughs and laughs and laughs at poor dead squirrels, because he is a Bad Mann; Helen wishes she still had the rushes of her unofficial audiobook of Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret; and Marti(a)n the Sound Man lays down the law about lasers, which is roughly the same law that Perseus observed when taking on the Gorgons.
This week’s bonus bit on the app is a question from Becky from Westerham about the TP button in her car. What the blazes is the TP button? Toilet paper? Telepathic powers? Total paralysis? Find out only on the app! (Or your own car.)
If you require a bigger dose of our voices than today’s episode provides, then you can hear us on the Guardian’s Media Talk podcast on Friday 5th, the Shaun Keaveny Show on BBC 6 Music at 9am on Monday 8th, and the Late Show with Ian Collins on TalkSPORT at midnight on Tuesday 9th. That enough for you? Hmmm?
There are only fifty shopping days until Christmas*, and seven more shopping days until next week’s episode, so hesitate not to pose your QUESTIONS, by leaving a voicemail on the Question Line 0208 123 5877 or Skype IDanswermethis, or by firing off an email to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. We look forward to them immensely.
See you next week!
Helen and Olly
*but you don’t even need those, because the Answer Me This! book is the perfect gift for everyone in your life! So thanks to us, you’ve a spare seven weeks to fill with hobbycrafts or waterskiing rather than schlepping round John Lewis. You’re welcome. Don’t say we never do anything nice for you.
…we’ve turned the podcast into a book, and it is out TODAY!
And lo, we have made our own advert for it:
Answer Me This! The Book is now available from allsome good bookshops, as well as online emporiae – click HERE for links to those, and to read a few sample pages.
In summation:
if you have accrued any affection for us at all over the past almost-four years of podcast, pleeeeeeeease buy a copy!
Don your mufti, gather your packed lunches and board the coach for a question from Andrew from Leeds:
My sister (13), has just come back from a school trip to lean about water usage and recycling – to a sewage works. Yes – it was as unpleasant and foul-smelling as it sounds, and after lunch, over half the kids refused to get off the coach. I think the smell was worse then my school trip to a Camembert factory a few years back.
You’re forgetting, Andrew, that school trips aren’t supposed to be fun. Even the ones that are supposed to be fun are not fun, because you’re there to learn, which of course is mutually exclusive to fun. Hence during my school trip to Chessington World of Adventures, we were forbidden to go on any rides because we had to fill in a questionnaire about wildlife. What did I learn from that? Some useful facts about wildlife? NO; we learnt the more important lesson that adults are cruel and life isn’t all fun and games, just as your sister learnt that life can be a big vat of shit.
So, answer me this – what’s the worst school trip you’ve been on when at school?
Readers, we sense you’ve suffered far worse than us during our adventures to the power stations and wildfowl centres of southern England. Take a trip to the comments to tell us about your dumbest, dreariest, or downright dangerous school trips. Best one gets to sit up front next to Teacher on the ride home.
Esau was a hairy man. Jacob was a smooth man. And Michael from Leeds can’t decide whether he’s an Esau or a Jacob:
I am a very keen cyclist, and am a member of one of the local cycling clubs. On our weekly club ride a lot of cyclist from various local clubs take part, and they all have shaved legs. I know this is a common practice among cyclists, but I am unsure whether to take part in it my myself. My wife is especially against it.
So answer me this: should I shave my legs to fit in with the rest of the group, or should I keep my hairy legs as they are?
Well, cyclists obviously aren’t a vain bunch. Hence their ready acceptance of patches of arse-sweat, their willingness to wear cameltoe-inducing shiny leggings, and their adoption of helmets that make them look like Willem Dafoe in Spider-Man. All these fashion no-nos are milestones upon the road to optimal aerodynamics, as is the leg-shaving. All that air resistance dragging against your leg-hair could add ruinous numbers of milliseconds to your ride-time.
Plus, all those bald-legged cyclists will mock you if you don’t join in their depilation games. You’ll look much better when wearing fishnet tights. And if leg-shaving’s good enough for David Beckham…
On the other hand, if you do decide to depilate, it’ll add ruinous minutes to your shower-time. Cactus-like prickliness will characterise your shins. Does it stop at the legs, or are you supposed to deforest your body from top floor to basement? Your non-cyclist friends will mock you, and your wife will be angry at you for clogging up her Ladyshave. And if David Beckham jumped off a cliff, would you?
There’s so much compelling evidence on both sides that we’re throwing this dilemma out to you lot.
We thought that anything goes in the Netherlands, but Bo from the Netherlands debunks that national stereotype:
I turned 21 a few days ago and my aunt decided to take me to the sauna for my birthday. Now this was clearly more an excuse for her to visit the sauna because if she knows me at all, she would have known that I wouldn’t find any joy in a sauna.
But not wanting to be rude I got over my fear of sweaty wrinkles and accepted the present gracefully.
When I was in the sauna I tried not to look at people to much and I was doing fine, until I heard my Literature professor saying my name!!!
And there he was… more naked than I thought possible… With EVERYTHING just hanging out… It was awful, I was naked… he was naked… my aunt was naked.. And the man sat down next to me and talked to me for 10 minutes, all the while looking me over…
It was horrible and I really don’t want to go back to that class…so what the fuck do I do ?
It’s always upsetting to realise that the authority figures in your life are actual humans, with actual human genitals and everything. Try to put his danglers out of your mind by concentrating on the literature; and the next time you find yourself going to the sauna, protect your modesty with a towel and protect your academic overlords by wearing a blindfold.
; and Marti(a)n the Sound Man lays down the law about lasers, which is roughly the same law that Perseus observed when taking on the Gorgons.
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