Posts Tagged ‘perils of technology’

Roomba: Rise of the Machines

October 1, 2014


Choco has been in touch:

Just thought I would email you after listening to AMT 298 and hearing your suggestion that Roombas could have cute little faces on them to make them more appealing. My good friend Nic has stuck little googly eyes onto his Roomba, which does indeed look very cute.


However, it does not disguise the fact that the Roomba is EVIL. Whenever I stay at his flat, anytime Nic goes out, literally within 30 seconds of him leaving the flat and me remaining inside, the Roomba will “wake up”, leave its docking station and zoom directly towards me. When I run away it will follow me around, attempting to eat my toes, unless I get up onto the sofa, at which point it will trundle around a corner and wait for me to get up again and walk past it.

Once Nic went out while I was in the shower, and when I got out and opened the bathroom door the Roomba was directly outside waiting for me! When Nic gets back and checks it, it always turns out that Roomba is not even programmed to run on that day or at the particular time it woke up.

OK, so Roombas might be convenient if you don’t want to vacuum your flat manually, but at least regular hoovers aren’t sentient and vicious…

Two options, Choco:
1. Your ‘friend’ Nic is having a great time fucking with you;
2. You are living in the film Hardware. Escape while you still can!


“I lvovoveee youhjhkkfddssakwrffvzzzzzzzz”

May 2, 2012

You recall David from AMT212, the man who I advised against sending his crush a fake drunken text confessing his emotions? Here’s the next installment of his story:

In the end I didn’t send a soberly-made drunk text that I later regretted, mostly in part due to Helen’s accurate accusation that that would make me a dickhead. No. Instead I managed to send an actual drunk text in which I managed to simultaneously remind him that he was smarting from a recent breakup and also that I am apparently a bit of a loser.

He took it remarkably well, which only made it worse when I managed to send him a second drunk text not two nights ago saying almost exactly the same thing, except this time he didn’t reply. So basically…shit.

Answer me this: what should I do now? Pursue him one more time? Or learn to know when I’m beaten (albeit by my own idle thumbs)?

Firstly, install Drunkblocker on your phone.

Secondly, send him a brief SOBER email apologising for the drunk texts, explaining that you were nervous because you really like him, and then ask him out. On a date. A date for coffee or ice-cream or ANYTHING WITHOUT BOOZE IN IT. At this point you appear to have nothing to lose, so you might as well be honest about your feelings, and in doing so hopefully make some amends.

If he still does not respond, then you’re going to have to deploy your radar to find a new stealth gay. Unless readers have any better ideas? Go to the comments and help out David, and please, do not type whilst under the influence.


EPISODE 204 – lie back and think of England

February 9, 2012

Happy 200th birthday, Charles Dickens! We hope you had a super party at the Retirement Home for Victorian Novelists. William Thackeray ordered in the cupcakes, Anthony Trollope bought a keg, and Henry James cooked up a batch of his Special Brownies. We’ll just leave Answer Me This! Episode 204 on the gift table:

Subscribe to AMT! on iTunes listen to the MP3 through your computer our podcast feed on Libsyn Share with Facebook

Today we mention:

noodle birdsnests vs. tortilla salad bowls
Harold Raymond
accidental sexting
L!VE TV’s weather reports
real fake ID
Nicki Chapman
quiche who?
the perilous life aboard the This Morning floating map
foot fortune-telling (footune-telling?)
book tokens
Lady Hillingdon
Gloria Hunniford.

Plus: Olly narrowly escapes Death by Chicken Kiev; Helen had peculiar taste in men for a 13-year-old; and Martin the Sound Man compares feminine sexual moisture to Cadbury’s Creme Eggs. Women don’t have YOLKS, Martin!

In this week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices or Android), Olly explains that as a teenager, he didn’t get a fake ID: he invented a whole fake identity. Will the real Olly Mann please stand up? OK, sit down, you look exactly like the fake one.

As every week, we want your QUESTIONS: deliver them as voicemails to the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or Skype answermethis) or as emails to

See you next Thursday,

Helen & Olly

PS: for all of you who, like our final questioneer of the day, have ever mis-sent a text or email: