Answer Me This! Podcast

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Here’s some elaboration upon the Adventures of Bash with his pocketful of Ash Cash:

I would like to point out that my efforts with the nurse was successful. But it did massively get me back – as who’d imagine a girl with a) no standards and b) alcohol dependency issues would have massive amounts of baggage? In the end I could have got the same result with a happy hour pint of snakebite and black, and not hardback copies of the Harry Potter, Narnia and Black Cauldron series, which cost a fucking bomb.

On a lighter note, my friend once felt he’d been screwed out of a crem form by another junior doc. She was very religious with a huge number of superstitions. My friend (and I stress it isn’t me) casually asked her about the body. On hearing that the corpse had its eyes open, my friend informed her that if the eyes aren’t shut, the person ‘CAN NEVER REST’, and as a result will haunt the said junior doc. She almost had a nervous breakdown before it was sorted. Especially when she found the body had been cremated.

God I miss those happy days.

Yes, too bad you had to grow up and become a pillar of society, Dr Bash.

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Alex in Hampshire has a useful suggestion for how Sarah from Stirling from AMT195 can damn her friend’s debut novel with faint praise:

I used to take a creative writing class at uni. Every week, we’d have to read other students’ manuscripts and give them some feedback on their work. Now and again, someone would come along and write something that was complete and utter bilge.

This had the effect of giving the poor, talentless writer the affirmation they desired, whilst also inferring that they should not in any circumstances show their magnum crappus to anyone whose opinion may actually matter, or the wider world in general.

Misdirection. Very smart.

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In AMT194, Rosemary Daniels taught us that it’s not what you know, it’s who you know, and this is far from unusual as Elliott from Coventry observes:

The Reg Grundy/Rosemary Daniels discussion reminded me of Gene Roddenberry’s wife, Majel Barrett. Not only did she play a character in the classic Star Trek, but she was also Deanna Troi’s mother in The Next Generation. Additionally, she provided the voice of the ship’s computer in all the incarnations of Star Trek, including the 2009 film, which was released after her death in 2008.

That Majel Barrett, sleeping her way to the top.

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Last week’s discussion of songs about wanking raised some upsetting memories for Sarah from Oklahoma:

When I was about 5, I learned all the words to “I Touch Myself” and learned a dance where I kept touching my face and my arms – it was very good. My brother who was 11 years older than me thought it was hilarious and said I ought to go show my mom’s friends who were downstairs.

I made it about 3 lines in before my mom grabbed me and put me in my room and told me to never sing that song again.

If you are five and you want to cause a stir, here’s the song you need to master:

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The argument about Lego keeps going round and round. After the pasting he received from Andrew from Southampton last week, the Lego-avoiding 14-year-old Will from Haddenham from AMT193 has invoked his right to reply:

Andrew from Southampton, I’d like to point out that Lego is an excellent toy and I won’t fault it for any reason (except for its price label in some cases), but if I went into school tomorrow and said to my mates: “Hey guys, you won’t believe the trouble I’ve been having with this Lego set I’m building”, then I am sure that they would take the absolute piss out of me, I’d be instantly labelled as a ‘sad loser’ and I’d never be able to live it down.

I wish things were different, but that’s how it goes these days. I’m not going to lie, Lego has undoubtedly been my favourite childhood toy and it will be enjoyed for many years to come as I have a little brother and there’s tons of the stuff at home. So please don’t accuse me of being a Lego hater, but I’d like to point out that I’m also not a fanatic.

This seems an entirely reasonable response to me. Let’s just all agree now that Lego IS great at almost any age, but 14-year-old boys are too busy with wanking, experimental intoxication and existential angst to be occupying themselves with it.

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Episode 194 requires a visual aid, to illustrate Andrew from Southampton‘s rejoinder regarding Lego. He argues convincingly against Will from Haddenham’s assertion in AMT193 that Lego’s for the kiddies, and presents us with photographic evidence of his own Lego creation in action:

Well he’s definitely won me over to the dark side.

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Insubordination in the AMT ranks! Dave from Bournemouth has the gall to cast aspersions upon our unerring advice:

I just listened to this week’s podcast and thought your answers to the contact lens question were rubbish!

What the person needs to do is get glow-in-the-dark paint and write “Take out lenses” in tiny letters on the ceiling above her bed. She’ll only be able to read the note with the lenses in, and no-one else will know (unless she gets lucky with someone who has 20/20 vision).

[Slow handclaps] Bravo, Dave! Of COURSE Harriet from Oxford will read the TINY letters several feet away on her ceiling, an INFALLIBLE plan especially when she passes out FACE DOWN after a night on the lash. (From her email we did infer quite a lot about her dissolute lifestyle.)

I don’t know if Josh from Bournemouth‘s suggestion would be any more effective, but I do like his style:

I too like Harriet wear contact lenses. For the first few months I was always forgetting to take my lenses out and so I made a poster full of insults and stuck it to the roof above my bed.

This meant that when ever I went to bed and could read the insults calling me a variety of horrible things, I knew I had to take my lenses out, but if I had already taken them out I was blessed with the ignorance of being able to stare at my ceiling and not be called a cunt that night.

It’s a shock tactic, with the additional bonus of providing a conversation point should Josh ever bring a Special Friend home for a sleepover.

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Holy water’s not looking all that holy to me any more, since Anthony from Dublin sent in this photo taken in a central Dublin church:

It's exactly what God wanted.

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Karl is helping clear up some matters left over from last week:

According to this (a map accompanies it), in the original series of Oz books written by L. Frank Baum the red brick road goes to the Quadling Country in Oz. Red is the Quadlings’ state colour.

In his books, the Land of Oz was divided into four quadrants and each was designated a particular colour: Winkie Country = Yellow, Gillikin Country = Purple, Munchkin Country = Blue, and Quadling Country = Red. Glinda the Good was the ruler of the Quadlings in L. Frank Baum’s Oz series. As her bubble floats away from Munchkinland in the 1939 film, it appears to be following the red brick road. Therefore, the red brick road most likely leads back to her homeland, Quadling Country.

But it’s not a green road leading to the Emerald City – although I suppose the Yellow Brick Road could be passing right through Emerald City on its way to Winkie County. Emerald City really would benefit from a ring road. Anyway, Jamie in Switzerland casts doubt upon the likelihood of the red brick road fetching up anywhere:

As The Wizard of Oz was one big dream sequence, surely the red brick road didn’t go anywhere, as the end of it was never dreamt about by Dorothy.

IT’S A DREAM? I thought it was a documentary! Time to reevaluate my expectations of Australia.

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••• ANSWER ME THIS! RETURNS ON 13th OCTOBER; IN THE MEANTIME, CLICK HERE TO CATCH UP ON EPISODES •••

Oh frabjous day, calloo callay! Glad tidings come from Rikki from Dunfermline:

On episode 173 you mentioned Homebase was out of Easter Island heads.

Thought I’d give you the heads up that we have them in stock now. Enjoy.

Praise Jesus, Buddha, Xenu and all the Middletons!

These would look great next to my recycling bins

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