Answer Me This! Podcast

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Hello, dears.

Spring has sprung, as it is wont to do, and duly we’ve had a big old clear-out of the Question Cupboard. So if you sent us a question three months ago and have been on tenterhooks ever since, EPISODE 15 might just be your lucky day! And if it isn’t, well, hang in there.
Treats in store include:

Columbo
Sepultura t-shirts
banging 1930s jazz
the surprising success of Vanilla Ice
Queen Elizabeth the Egg-Head
the Alan Bennett Megamix
X-rated jerky
Bill and Ted Hit Middle Age
baked goods in Beowulf
and
a helluva lot of classic gags.

You’ll also be privy to Olly’s misbegotten attempt to impress Barry Norman with his cool, the quite extraordinary extent of Helen being a square, and yet more coughing and spluttering from Martin the Sound Man. Someone get that man some damn eucalyptus, stat!

Until sweet Episode Sixteen, bye!

Love,

Helen and Olly

PS We’ve had to go a bit further afield for our sound effects this week, indeed as far as the awesome tunes of Kevin MacLeod and the boisterous noises of Absolute Sound Effects. Thanks, chaps!
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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Watcha!

With EPISODE 14, Answer Me This! is now firmly in its teens. But instead of slamming the door and sulking in their room all night, Helen and Olly (firmly in their twenties) decided to pass on their podcasting wisdom to a new generation, and welcomed Nathan the Work Experience into the studio for an incredible exclusive behind-the-scenes view of how the magic happens. You can hear all about Nathan’s journey to podcasting maturity in this week’s episode, plus:

the unspoken baby taboo
Dogtanian and the Muskehounds
pound shops
Oscar the Grouch’s unsanitary diet
cut-price Easter eggs
Sausage McGraw
beef money
the Daily Express
armpit-licking
Bentley Mann
Hercules Zaltzman
and
Button from Neighbours.

Furthermore, you’ll receive incredible insights into Olly’s sex education, Helen’s career development, and Martin the Sound Man’s sinuses. (He’s got a cold and a cough, you see, and keeps honking into the microphones. Sorry.)

Well, that concludes the week’s business; if you have anything to add to the minutes – or, more importantly, QUESTIONS for us to answer – please email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. On the subject of which, apologies to listener Neal, who sent us the following message:

I have one of your jingles playing in my head in a continuous loop: “answer me this podcast at google mail dot com, answer me this podcast at google mail dot com, answer me this podcast at google mail dot com, answer me this podcast at google mail dot com, etc.”

I now know your email address by heart, but how can I break the cycle? I’m not sure it’s good for me.

Sorry, Neal. Our jingles (thanks, Martin the Sound Man and the Answer Me This! Players!) are dangerously catchy. The only cure is to get something even more infernal on the brain. We suggest ‘The Vengabus’, or ‘Chiquita’ by Abba. Nobody said it would be easy…

Until next week, farewell!

Helen and Olly
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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Don’t worry – it’s not really unlucky! It’s just pure coincidence that, during recording, a copy of Now 13 fell off the shelf and smote Olly in the eye. Go on, take a chance on EPISODE 13 – topics in the Answer Me This! lucky dip this week include:

Lemsip vs. Fisherman’s Friends
Gremlin nutrition
Helen’s candied face
Stephen Sondheim’s birthday
Tall blonde hotties
the inscrutible Shaggy
unison clapping (urrggghhhh!!!!)
fatalistic George Michael
funspoiler E.M. Forster
toaster rage
Paris Hilton’s ladyparts
the inner workings of Heat magazine
and
poussin.

Plus Helen’s skincare tips for teenagers, Olly’s incredible impersonations of Glamma Kid, and Martin The Sound Man putting his PhD in Physics to (good) use. And if that doesn’t tickle your fancy, your fancy probably isn’t ticklish.

Don’t forget: if YOU want to go on a date with Answer Me This! listener Emma (tall! Blonde! Hot! Mid-20s! London! GSOH!) then send an email describing yourself and where you’d take Emma on a date to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. (Or, if you aren’t into lovely ladies, just email us YOUR QUESTIONS instead, just like this week’s questioneers Lauren, Jonny, Rick, Nick, other Nick, and Emma did. ‘Cos without questions, Answer Me This! would wither like a bunch of grapes in an old people’s home.)

Until next week, farewell!

Love,
Helen and Olly
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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

“PODCAST OF THE WEEK” – THE TIMES

Fuckaduck, Answer Me This! Episode 12 is ready to get jiggy!
So, what’s on the menu for this week’s delicious banter?:

Ted Bundy
a whole lotta hummus/houmus/houmous
the future of the London Dungeon
bonecrushers coming on to Martin the Sound Man
the polluted hands of Chris Martin out of Coldplay
A Beautiful Mind stationery
randy store detectives
Nicholas Lyndhurst
the lie behind Armani jeans
guffing etiquette and evolution
Judy Blume (audio adaptations of)
and
the lost art of home recording

… that’s what! You’d be mad to miss it.

Oh, and if you’ve come to us because we’re Podcast of the Week in The Times this week, be sure to check out our delightful back catalogue, and subscribe to us on iTunes to get future episodes first. And remember – you can email questions for forthcoming episodes to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com

Love

Helen and Olly
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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

‘Lo, friends!

No need to beware the Ides of March – with Answer Me This! by your side, you’re bound to coast through this traditionally ill-starred day. If only Julius Caesar had owned an iPod, things could have been so different.

Happily, Answer Me This! is having a rather more pleasant mid-March than unfortunate Caesar: we are rejoicing in the incredible success of our charity pudding auction – in which, thanks to winning bidder NICKY HURST from London, our shitty unwanted Christmas pudding (recommended retail price 98p) fetched an amazing SIXTY-FOUR QUID for Comic Relief. As if that weren’t enough, we’re also dancing about like a pair of drunken cheerleaders after being elected Podcast of the Week in Time Out Magazine. But we’ve still had time to get busy doing our thang with the following topics in this week’s episode:

Christopher Biggins
the callousness of children
bad, bad broadband
the secret life of doormen
sooty underwear in Letchworth
ethnic cleansing
giant chairs
FCUK the tubbers!
shopping with mother
cupboard weevils
and
Westlife.

Furthermore, Olly airs his scabs all over Helen’s sofa, Helen rues her potty-mouth and Olly’s gappy conception of world history, and the Reclaim Martin the Sound Man Movement gathers momentum. Listeners, stop encouraging him! It will only make him cocky. And then we’ll all suffer. Is that what you really want?

Many thanks to this week’s questionators, Tom, Jack, Polly, Jonny, Anna and Nattan. If YOU want to keep the question-answering funtimes rolling, send your questions to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, because without them, Answer Me This! will be more like Waiting for Godot than is desirable in a comedy podcast.

Until the rootin’, tootin’, high-falutin’ antics of Episode 11 blow into town next week, bye!

Love,
Helen and Olly
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FAQ • Facebook Fanclub • Merchandise Superstore • YouTube Channel

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Howdy homies!

As we’re in the thick of our charity Christmas Pudding auction – and all you good kids have given up treats and sweetmeats for Lent – we decided it would be seemly to corrall together some of the food-related questions in our mailbag and bind them together with some cornflour to make the hard-boiled Answer Me This! Food Special. It’s the TASTIEST podcast on the internet!

Toothsome refreshments this week include:
peppers (red)
popcorn
cheese (processed, liquid and runny)
bananas
Afternoon Tea at the Savoy
crusts
steam
nachos
ducks
and
After Eights.

(But in case you’re on a diet, we also give a nod to:
Jamie Oliver
prudish policies at Helen’s school
naughty French films
tantrums
Peckhamplex
Michael Parkinson
Royal Victoria Place in Tunbridge Wells
Titanic
Heather Small
and
Endosperm.)

Thanks as ever to our intrepid questioneers, who this week counted Becky, Polly, Jonny, Angela, Hugo and Ben amongst their number. If YOU want something answered in a future episode, send a question to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

If you like what you hear, remember to subscribe to us on iTunes, and you’ll never miss a future dispatch of our weekly brain-sewage. And for crying out loud don’t forget to BID in our charity Christmas pudding auction on ebay – the auction ends on Tuesday 13 March!

Tune in next week for Answer Me This! hitting double figures, as well as Olly’s ugly past, Helen’s horrid dreams and Martin the Sound Man’s growing legion of stalker-fans.

Much love y’all,

Helen and Olly
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FAQ • Facebook Fanclub • Merchandise Superstore • YouTube Channel

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Hello there! It’s a pleasure to see you again. Can we interest you in a bit of Episode 8 of Answer Me This!, perchance?

The WALL-TO-WALL FUN includes:

a business proposal for youreallysmell.com
Olly’s Renault fantasy
Martin’s Spice Girls fantasy
Funfair! Funfair!
Angels by Robbie Williams
Nickelback (unredeeming appallingness of)
stupid pointless phrases
evolution (not the 2001 David Duchovny film)
and
Sky News.

Also: Olly outs himself as a pescocidal maniac, Helen gets a bit Lynne Truss before readying herself to fleece the benefits system big-style, and Martin the Sound Man reveals his true musical colours.

But it’s not all fun and games at Answer Me This!, even though it’s still mostly fun and games. Helen and Olly have gone all altruistic, and are selflessly flogging Olly’s unwanted Christmas Pudding from Episode 3 on eBay for Comic Relief. If you fancy a chance of buying a delicious* Christmas pudding in March, and simultaneously Doing Some Good for the world, get bidding!
*actual pudding may not, technically, be delicious.

Many thanks to this week’s questioneers, Charlie, Nicola, Sam, Doug, Steve and Olly’s mum. If you want a piece of the question-asking, then send YOUR questions to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

Until next week, when we’ll be dropping the Answer Me This! Lent Food Special like it’s hot, bye!

Helen and Olly
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FAQ • Facebook Fanclub • Merchandise Superstore • YouTube Channel

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Good morrow, listeners! How are you? We’re fine, thanks for asking.

Pleasantries over: let’s get down to business. Episode 7 of Answer Me This! has hit Ear-Town, and we’d be delighted if you would listen to it.

So please check it out, and in doing so expect to be rewarded with the following entertainment tidbits:
Dreams – The Bed Superstore
Belinda Carlisle
Alexander technique
Ribranda (Who? What??)
sweaty schoolboys
urinal cake
and
beetrooty bowels

Marvel! at Olly’s pillow folly. Gasp! at Helen’s slightly turgid book-learning. Swoon! at Martin the Sound Man’s chitchat about tear gas. Yup, all of human life is here. It’s quite the mixed bag.

There’s also a doozy of an audience question. Check it out here, and get your thinking cap on.

Now, even though you’re all fastidiously avoiding pleasurable activities for Lent, there’s no need to deny yourselves the furtive delight of posing us questions. So give us a treat by emailing your many queries to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. And if you’re a bit bored at work, why not become our Imaginary Friend on MySpace? Then, if we ever have an Imaginary Tea-Party, you can come!

Love,

Helen and Olly
Subscribe with iTunes • Listen to previous episodes • Question Archive
FAQ • Facebook Fanclub • Merchandise Superstore • YouTube Channel

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Hello, pals!

What time is it? Episode 6 of Answer Me This! time, that’s what! We want to penetrate your beautiful ears. Let us in!

‘Issues’ attracting our attention in this week’s episode include:
late night dating shows involving swimming pools
Alton Towers vs. Thorpe Park
knitting (difficultness of)
pet death
Olly’s stinky nose
Garageband
Eriq La Salle
and
Letchworth.

Plus to those of you who stick thorough to the end, a long-awaited discussion on the strange dynamic existing between Helen, Olly and Martin The Sound Man as they sit on a big bed and talk into a big phallic object whilst looking into each other’s eyes. Controversial!

We hope, as the Killers say, you enjoy your stay.

Helen and Olly

P.S. Keep emailing your questions to us at answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. You’ll feel a weight off your mind!
Subscribe with iTunes • Listen to previous episodes • Question Archive
FAQ • Facebook Fanclub • Merchandise Superstore • YouTube Channel

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Good day to you, friends!

You and us, we’ve been getting on so well that we wanted to send you all an early Valentine’s card and a heart-shaped box of Ferrero Rocher. Unfortunately we ran out of stamps, and Martin the Sound Man ate all the Ferrero Rocher – so instead we offer you the fifth episode of Answer Me This! as a love-token.

And if you haven’t subscribed to us on iTunes yet, why the devil not? That way, you’ll hear our new episodes as and when they’re published, perhaps one whole day in advance of your friends. That’s sure to serve you well in the playground.

Matters attracting our amorous attentions this week include:
yeast of the head
yeast infections
yeast extract
Rupert Grint (artistic progress of)
Olly’s toiletries
birthday card etiquette
Chloe off 24
whiffy dollars
and
Martin the Sound Man at C&A.

And if that doesn’t get you in the mood for some commercially-orchestrated lurrve, then you are probably ill.

Thanks ever so much to everyone who sent questions in; apologies to those whose queries have gone unanswered, and well done to Kins, Miranda, Nick, Katie, Ken Mustard and Eloise, who made the cut this week. If YOU have a question to add to the canon, please for God’s sake email it NOW to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com (and by the way, if you want to be added to our email list, just send us an email titled ‘Helen and Olly, please send me your occasional pithy missives’).

By the by, we notice not a single one of you has even attempted to win Olly’s Christmas pudding. Come on, people! It’s the perfect Valentine’s present! (if your true love is a bit of a dolt)

Until episode 6, bye!

Helen and Olly
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FAQ • Facebook Fanclub • Merchandise Superstore • YouTube Channel

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Hello, chaps!

At long last, the breathless wait for episode 4 is OVER. Despite its long wait on the bench, Episode 4’s beauty is undimmed. This week’s musings, hotter than a McDonald’s apple pie in August, include:

aunties
lavatory seats (feng shui influence of)
stabilisers
restaurants (evil financial vagaries of)
love-teeth
Plato (Apology)
drowsy fishermen
the Answer Me This! backlash
and
lemons.

There’s also a fair amount of self-indulgent basking in the glory of Answer Me This! achieving no.63 in the iTunes Top 100 comedy downloads. So, if you have grown fond of Answer Me This!, please urge all your friends to check it out as well and maybe we can crack the iTunes top 50. And if you haven’t, why on earth are you reading this? You’re only hurting yourself.

If you would like to join the ranks of this week’s questioneers – Ben, Olly’s dad, Holly, Tommy, Bianca and Polly – email your dilemmas, fact-niggles and bamboozlements to answermethispodcast.com. Also, nobody so far has put in any bids to win Olly’s Christmas Pudding (which pretty much ties up his question in episode 3 about whether anyone actually likes Christmas Pudding), so if for some bizarre reason you think you would like it for your pudding-coffers, send us an email entitled ‘Please send me Olly’s pudding, to feed my demented pudding-lusts’.

Until next time, bye!

Helen and Olly
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