Answer Me This! Podcast

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Hey y’all!

It’s the last teenage episode of Answer Me This! We can’t believe it! It seems barely minutes ago that the podcast was just a cheeky glint in our eyes, and now it’s all grown up – Download of the Day in the Independent on Wednesday 13th, no less. Which means Answer Me This! is one of the top 365 things to get off the internet in 2007! Considering all the ladies’ jugs that are on the internet, that’s quite the accolade.

Anyway, just because the podcast is about to enter its twenties, it doesn’t mean it’s outgrown all the tantrums, rows and clandestine substance abuse. Why, in this episode we cover such classy subjects as necrophilia, disabled dolphins and ITV2.

Also:
Sex and death
Strictly Mark Lawson Fever
le petit mort
particle accelerators
Kosher for Passover ice-cream
sausage bombs
Singing’ in the Rain
Basic Instinct
dancing lessons with Martin the Sound Man
mock crayfish
and
Slags in Limos.

And if you want YOUR questions to yield such rogue results, email them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. We can’t promise miracles, but we can try and do something a bit flashy.

Until next week, goodbye!

Love,

Helen and Olly

PS If you notice an unusually beautiful jingle in this episode, it’s probably by the marvellous Gavin Osborn. If you liked the 20-second jingle, you’ll probably explode with joy if you listen to his new album, In the Twee Small Hours, so we thoroughly recommend you treat yourself to a copy.
PPS That’s not to say the rest of the jingles aren’t beautiful as well. Well done, Answer Me This! Players! (Sadly they don’t have an album out, but it’s only a matter of time…)

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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Hey there, friendaramas!

It’s delightful to see you again. It’s been ages! Haven’t you grown? Etc etc.

I’m afraid we didn’t bring you back presents from our holidays. Nor did we take up questioneer Jonny’s highly flattering suggestion: “When you get back from holiday, can you do a double length podcast to make up for the amount of podcasting pleasure we have had to do without for what feels like years?”

Jonny, you are too too sweet. However we have conducted a series of mathematical experiments that show that
if podcast = x
and listening pleasure = y,
2x does NOT equal 2y.
In fact sometimes it can even equal less than y. And that’s the kind of risk we’re just not willing to take here at Answer Me This!, which is why we’re presenting you with a taut 25 minutes and 20 seconds of EPISODE 18.

And what’s awaiting? Why, this lot:

Cinnamon Grahams
oui
do you feel the power of the Gladiators? (dobededoo)
the dark underbelly of ‘social networking’ websites
idiomatic mums
Answer Me This! vs. The Man
conspiracy theories
square roots
delusional paranoia
Ginny from the Mission
and
Leisuresuit Larry*

Plus: new jingles! New skits! And a belated birthday shout-out to listener Katherine, who has just turned 21! Well done, Katherine. Also, well done to the recently augmented Answer Me This! Players, who have made a whole lot of kick-ass new jingles and suchlike for the new season of Answer Me This!, rather like your mum getting you shiny new shoes and extra-sharp pencils for the start of termtime.

With episode 19 imminent, please send us your questions – you must be chock-full of them by now! Email them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, and we promise not to hand on your email address to sinister debt consolidation services.

Love,

Helen and Olly

*if any of you want to send us a copy of Leisuresuit Larry for ‘research’ purposes, don’t be shy. Also, in a similar vein, Helen’s flatmate claims as a child to have played Stroker 64 on the Commodore 64, which sounds like nothing more than internet child abuse before the internet existed. If any of you have likewise tarnished your youthful innocence playing Stroker 64, get in touch and maybe we can form a support group for you.

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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Episode 17 is here, and we hope you enjoy it, as it’s (cripes!) the last Answer Me This! until the beginning of June. Yes, it’s time for us to gather our bucket and spade, roll up our trouser-legs and have a nice paddle in the balmy waters of not glutting ourselves on the sound of our own voices for a few weeks… WE WILL RETURN!

This week:
the rules of The Quiet Carriage
chicken
Christian fish
Yiddy rickshaws
evil child Olly
gambling vs. piggybanks
the Hitchcockian suspense of ITV Play
the hidden side of tinsel
Cirque du Soleil
and
dragged-up crowbars.

And also, if you’re Olly’s childhood friend Sebastian Stent: sorry.

In the meantime, if you’re craving your Answer Me This! fix while we’re holidaying – why not check out our AMAZING BACK CATALOGUE ? Gasp! at our learning curve! Wince! at our early episodes! (and then some) Grimace! at bowelly episode 5!… and then, when you’re bored of all that (as if!) be sure to join our new Facebook fanclub to declare your love for us to the WORLD!

There’ll also be the occasional new bits or bob on this site to keep you amused in our absence. But, of course, the main thing is y’all keep yourself busy by sending us YOUR QUESTIONS, and those of your quizzical friends and acquaintances, to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, to help us come back in June BIGGER and BETTER and, um, BACKIER.

So long!

Helen and Olly

PS Thanks again to Kevin MacLeod of incompetech.com for the fantastic tune we used at the end of the episode. We’d love to give you money for it, but only Gervais can afford that kind of shit.
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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

It’s party time at Answer Me This! Helen and Olly break out the champagne and immediately get giddy, because, as it turns out, they’re as hard as eggs. Soft-boiled eggs. In the cocktail-shaker of our brains this week are:

101 Fun Things to Do With a Pineapple (or, more accurately, A Thing to do with a pineapple)
The Rock
astigmatics of the world unite!
Chucky the Blood Doll
um…err…um….
Paul Robinson, the champagne charlie
naughty naughty Top 40
Toksvig! Toksvig! Toksvig!
magic eye pictures
and
Fishcotheque

Also, Olly’s grandmother smacks down Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Helen smacks down summer, Olly attends the shittest ‘key party’ in Christendom, and also puts some Zimbabwegians off their lunch. NB: do not listen to this episode while eating.

As ever, you can email your questions for future episodes to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, and also if you have any ludicrous family games like the ones in this episode, please tell us about them: the Manns and Zaltzmans don’t really go in for that sort of thing, so we’re having to live vicariously through you chaps instead.

Until next week, farewell!

Helen and Olly
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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Hello, dears.

Spring has sprung, as it is wont to do, and duly we’ve had a big old clear-out of the Question Cupboard. So if you sent us a question three months ago and have been on tenterhooks ever since, EPISODE 15 might just be your lucky day! And if it isn’t, well, hang in there.
Treats in store include:

Columbo
Sepultura t-shirts
banging 1930s jazz
the surprising success of Vanilla Ice
Queen Elizabeth the Egg-Head
the Alan Bennett Megamix
X-rated jerky
Bill and Ted Hit Middle Age
baked goods in Beowulf
and
a helluva lot of classic gags.

You’ll also be privy to Olly’s misbegotten attempt to impress Barry Norman with his cool, the quite extraordinary extent of Helen being a square, and yet more coughing and spluttering from Martin the Sound Man. Someone get that man some damn eucalyptus, stat!

Until sweet Episode Sixteen, bye!

Love,

Helen and Olly

PS We’ve had to go a bit further afield for our sound effects this week, indeed as far as the awesome tunes of Kevin MacLeod and the boisterous noises of Absolute Sound Effects. Thanks, chaps!
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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Watcha!

With EPISODE 14, Answer Me This! is now firmly in its teens. But instead of slamming the door and sulking in their room all night, Helen and Olly (firmly in their twenties) decided to pass on their podcasting wisdom to a new generation, and welcomed Nathan the Work Experience into the studio for an incredible exclusive behind-the-scenes view of how the magic happens. You can hear all about Nathan’s journey to podcasting maturity in this week’s episode, plus:

the unspoken baby taboo
Dogtanian and the Muskehounds
pound shops
Oscar the Grouch’s unsanitary diet
cut-price Easter eggs
Sausage McGraw
beef money
the Daily Express
armpit-licking
Bentley Mann
Hercules Zaltzman
and
Button from Neighbours.

Furthermore, you’ll receive incredible insights into Olly’s sex education, Helen’s career development, and Martin the Sound Man’s sinuses. (He’s got a cold and a cough, you see, and keeps honking into the microphones. Sorry.)

Well, that concludes the week’s business; if you have anything to add to the minutes – or, more importantly, QUESTIONS for us to answer – please email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. On the subject of which, apologies to listener Neal, who sent us the following message:

I have one of your jingles playing in my head in a continuous loop: “answer me this podcast at google mail dot com, answer me this podcast at google mail dot com, answer me this podcast at google mail dot com, answer me this podcast at google mail dot com, etc.”

I now know your email address by heart, but how can I break the cycle? I’m not sure it’s good for me.

Sorry, Neal. Our jingles (thanks, Martin the Sound Man and the Answer Me This! Players!) are dangerously catchy. The only cure is to get something even more infernal on the brain. We suggest ‘The Vengabus’, or ‘Chiquita’ by Abba. Nobody said it would be easy…

Until next week, farewell!

Helen and Olly
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FAQ • Facebook Fanclub • Merchandise Superstore • YouTube Channel

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Don’t worry – it’s not really unlucky! It’s just pure coincidence that, during recording, a copy of Now 13 fell off the shelf and smote Olly in the eye. Go on, take a chance on EPISODE 13 – topics in the Answer Me This! lucky dip this week include:

Lemsip vs. Fisherman’s Friends
Gremlin nutrition
Helen’s candied face
Stephen Sondheim’s birthday
Tall blonde hotties
the inscrutible Shaggy
unison clapping (urrggghhhh!!!!)
fatalistic George Michael
funspoiler E.M. Forster
toaster rage
Paris Hilton’s ladyparts
the inner workings of Heat magazine
and
poussin.

Plus Helen’s skincare tips for teenagers, Olly’s incredible impersonations of Glamma Kid, and Martin The Sound Man putting his PhD in Physics to (good) use. And if that doesn’t tickle your fancy, your fancy probably isn’t ticklish.

Don’t forget: if YOU want to go on a date with Answer Me This! listener Emma (tall! Blonde! Hot! Mid-20s! London! GSOH!) then send an email describing yourself and where you’d take Emma on a date to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. (Or, if you aren’t into lovely ladies, just email us YOUR QUESTIONS instead, just like this week’s questioneers Lauren, Jonny, Rick, Nick, other Nick, and Emma did. ‘Cos without questions, Answer Me This! would wither like a bunch of grapes in an old people’s home.)

Until next week, farewell!

Love,
Helen and Olly
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FAQ • Facebook Fanclub • Merchandise Superstore • YouTube Channel

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

“PODCAST OF THE WEEK” – THE TIMES

Fuckaduck, Answer Me This! Episode 12 is ready to get jiggy!
So, what’s on the menu for this week’s delicious banter?:

Ted Bundy
a whole lotta hummus/houmus/houmous
the future of the London Dungeon
bonecrushers coming on to Martin the Sound Man
the polluted hands of Chris Martin out of Coldplay
A Beautiful Mind stationery
randy store detectives
Nicholas Lyndhurst
the lie behind Armani jeans
guffing etiquette and evolution
Judy Blume (audio adaptations of)
and
the lost art of home recording

… that’s what! You’d be mad to miss it.

Oh, and if you’ve come to us because we’re Podcast of the Week in The Times this week, be sure to check out our delightful back catalogue, and subscribe to us on iTunes to get future episodes first. And remember – you can email questions for forthcoming episodes to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com

Love

Helen and Olly
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FAQ • Facebook Fanclub • Merchandise Superstore • YouTube Channel

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

‘Lo, friends!

No need to beware the Ides of March – with Answer Me This! by your side, you’re bound to coast through this traditionally ill-starred day. If only Julius Caesar had owned an iPod, things could have been so different.

Happily, Answer Me This! is having a rather more pleasant mid-March than unfortunate Caesar: we are rejoicing in the incredible success of our charity pudding auction – in which, thanks to winning bidder NICKY HURST from London, our shitty unwanted Christmas pudding (recommended retail price 98p) fetched an amazing SIXTY-FOUR QUID for Comic Relief. As if that weren’t enough, we’re also dancing about like a pair of drunken cheerleaders after being elected Podcast of the Week in Time Out Magazine. But we’ve still had time to get busy doing our thang with the following topics in this week’s episode:

Christopher Biggins
the callousness of children
bad, bad broadband
the secret life of doormen
sooty underwear in Letchworth
ethnic cleansing
giant chairs
FCUK the tubbers!
shopping with mother
cupboard weevils
and
Westlife.

Furthermore, Olly airs his scabs all over Helen’s sofa, Helen rues her potty-mouth and Olly’s gappy conception of world history, and the Reclaim Martin the Sound Man Movement gathers momentum. Listeners, stop encouraging him! It will only make him cocky. And then we’ll all suffer. Is that what you really want?

Many thanks to this week’s questionators, Tom, Jack, Polly, Jonny, Anna and Nattan. If YOU want to keep the question-answering funtimes rolling, send your questions to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, because without them, Answer Me This! will be more like Waiting for Godot than is desirable in a comedy podcast.

Until the rootin’, tootin’, high-falutin’ antics of Episode 11 blow into town next week, bye!

Love,
Helen and Olly
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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Howdy homies!

As we’re in the thick of our charity Christmas Pudding auction – and all you good kids have given up treats and sweetmeats for Lent – we decided it would be seemly to corrall together some of the food-related questions in our mailbag and bind them together with some cornflour to make the hard-boiled Answer Me This! Food Special. It’s the TASTIEST podcast on the internet!

Toothsome refreshments this week include:
peppers (red)
popcorn
cheese (processed, liquid and runny)
bananas
Afternoon Tea at the Savoy
crusts
steam
nachos
ducks
and
After Eights.

(But in case you’re on a diet, we also give a nod to:
Jamie Oliver
prudish policies at Helen’s school
naughty French films
tantrums
Peckhamplex
Michael Parkinson
Royal Victoria Place in Tunbridge Wells
Titanic
Heather Small
and
Endosperm.)

Thanks as ever to our intrepid questioneers, who this week counted Becky, Polly, Jonny, Angela, Hugo and Ben amongst their number. If YOU want something answered in a future episode, send a question to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

If you like what you hear, remember to subscribe to us on iTunes, and you’ll never miss a future dispatch of our weekly brain-sewage. And for crying out loud don’t forget to BID in our charity Christmas pudding auction on ebay – the auction ends on Tuesday 13 March!

Tune in next week for Answer Me This! hitting double figures, as well as Olly’s ugly past, Helen’s horrid dreams and Martin the Sound Man’s growing legion of stalker-fans.

Much love y’all,

Helen and Olly
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This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Hello there! It’s a pleasure to see you again. Can we interest you in a bit of Episode 8 of Answer Me This!, perchance?

The WALL-TO-WALL FUN includes:

a business proposal for youreallysmell.com
Olly’s Renault fantasy
Martin’s Spice Girls fantasy
Funfair! Funfair!
Angels by Robbie Williams
Nickelback (unredeeming appallingness of)
stupid pointless phrases
evolution (not the 2001 David Duchovny film)
and
Sky News.

Also: Olly outs himself as a pescocidal maniac, Helen gets a bit Lynne Truss before readying herself to fleece the benefits system big-style, and Martin the Sound Man reveals his true musical colours.

But it’s not all fun and games at Answer Me This!, even though it’s still mostly fun and games. Helen and Olly have gone all altruistic, and are selflessly flogging Olly’s unwanted Christmas Pudding from Episode 3 on eBay for Comic Relief. If you fancy a chance of buying a delicious* Christmas pudding in March, and simultaneously Doing Some Good for the world, get bidding!
*actual pudding may not, technically, be delicious.

Many thanks to this week’s questioneers, Charlie, Nicola, Sam, Doug, Steve and Olly’s mum. If you want a piece of the question-asking, then send YOUR questions to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

Until next week, when we’ll be dropping the Answer Me This! Lent Food Special like it’s hot, bye!

Helen and Olly
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