Archive for the ‘contrition’ Category

Humble Pie II

February 20, 2007

* Click here for Episode 6 of Answer Me This! *

The guilt is running high at Answer Me This!, and not just because Helen and Olly are both Jews. Following last week’s hoo-ha, when Helen was Mrs Glib about the health of listener Nick and her own father in Episode 5, did we keep our big, flapping mouths in check in Episode 6?

No, we did not.

Listener Paul, hearing that the Answer Me This! question coffers needed replenishing, was kind enough to send us a big list of very good questions. We are genuinely thrilled when we receive questions from our listeners, and when someone sends us several at once, it feels like Christmas.

So how did we repay Paul in Episode 6? With teasing, fun-poking and general meanness! Instead of appropriately reading Paul’s question “Why do all girls hate me?” as a query as to why, thus far, his romances have foundered, and offering useful advice for love-finding, we chose to interpret it as indicating Paul to be a doubly incontinent neocon with a subscription to Nuts magazine and a diet of raw kitten. We then asked women who hate Paul to get in touch with us and tell us why. As it turns out, no such correspondence was forthcoming: independent sources have confirmed to us that Paul is, in fact, a fine young man and furthermore a fair hit with the ladies.

So with all the sincerity we can muster from our withered little hearts, we say: Sorry, Paul. And sorry, listeners. We promise to try to comport ourselves better in future.

And if you’re still game to do so, email us questions: answermethispodcast@googlemail.com

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Helen’s advice: a retraction

February 14, 2007

* Click here for Episode 5 of Answer Me This! *

Despite it being merely a few days old, I already have cause to regret some of the advice I gave in Episode 5.

When trusting listener Nick wrote in asking how to avoid the common cold, I suggested he simply do whatever my dad does, as in my whole life I have never known my dad to have a cold (despite him insisting on keeping our house at a temperature low enough to freeze our breath on the inside of the windows).

However I am now mired in guilt for taking Mr Zaltzman’s iron constitution for granted, as apparently he is currently laid up in codeine-fogged agony with a torn hip ligament. I know that an injury sustained while moving a massively overladen coal scuttle isn’t the same lapse in form as him succumbing to a cold, but I still feel a dereliction of responsibility.

Sorry, Dad. Sorry, Nick.

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Martin the Sound Man’s eggy web of deceit

January 24, 2007

* To listen to episode 3 of Answer Me This!, click here *

Last year, Martin the Sound Man released an EP called Tissue Of Lies.

I didn’t think the title was of any especial significance. UNTIL NOW.

You know that stuff about poached eggs that Martin was spouting in episode three? Something about how to twiddle with the ions so that the proteins do something or other? (OK, I admit my mind did wander a bit.) Remember that?

Well, we’ve had an email from a scientist called May. Her email address is ‘proteinsaredifficult’, which suggests she sure knows her stuff about proteins. She says:

The core of the protein consists of tightly packed hydrophobic residues, whereas the surface is mostly hydrophillic. Water molecules are unlikely to “break” into the protein and diffuse the egg because the residues are so tightly packed.

In translation: “What Martin said about the science behind coagulating egg-whites was a load of horseshit. And just because he has a PhD in quantum physics (which he probably BOUGHT OFF THE INTERNET anyway) doesn’t mean he knows shit about shinola. Or egg-whites.”

So, Martin, you are officially a Bad Egg and you have brought Answer Me This! into disrepute. Shame on you! Shame!!!!

Lest we get into this sort of hot water again, here’s a little advance warning: in episode 4, Olly accidentally says ‘pineapple’ when he meant ‘pumpkin’. I apologise in advance if this affects your enjoyment of his joke.

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