Answer Me This! Podcast

** Click here for EPISODE 90 **

After the discussion in Episode 90 of how to tell people they have managed to get muck upon themselves, Jim in New Jersey supplies this delightful example:

An employee at a music shop I worked in years ago called to say he would be arriving a little late one morning, as he had had an accident while attempting to dispose of a bag of used cat litter. About an hour later, he shows up in a huff, and gets down to work. I don’t know who among the staff saw it first, but we suddenly realized that one of us was going to have to tell this guy that…he had a cat turd in his hair. Really. And he had taken the subway all the way downtown in such a state. I think you’ll agree that this is a step beyond awkward.

Indeed. What is the most tactful way to tell someone they have shit on their head? Assuming he wasn’t sporting the latest in scat-hat fashions:

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** Click here for Episode 89 **

Following her missive in Episode 89, Kat from Edinburgh has lifted the lid on Build a Bear. Prepare yourself for Shock! Scandal! Bears filled with drugs! Teddies with nine limbs! Or:

To answer your questions about Build a Bear, it’s only in America that you can actually get messages sewn onto them. If people change their mind, we take the bears into surgery, cut the thread at the back then take the stuffing out to put back into other bears. We then can re-stitch it and sell it again. You can record voice messages to put in them but there’s a button to delete them. You could most certainly put AMT messages into them. You would have to take a recording to the shop and play it into the Build a Sound which would then be put in the bear. Not sure if the quality would be that great though. And we personally don’t kiss the hearts. That would just be sad. The customer does it. If you are feeling mean you can get them to rub it on your tummy so it never gets hungry, rub it on your heart so it has lots of love, rub it on your head so its clever etc etc. The kids love it! As for the Uranium, I most definitely do not earn enough to buy any and I don’t think it would go down too well with the boss!

Huh. It sounds quite cute and civilised actually. Dammit.

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Michael from Hertfordshire from Episode 89, your ship has come in! Anastazia has furnished you with enough questions to keep your relationship going forever (or until your girlfriend gets sick of being interrogated all the time. Anastazia says:

My partner and I have used more than a few of these and whilst some are strange most are quite good. Michael is sure not to run out of questions before his gf.

(more…)

In Episode 88 we found a lot of conflicting stories about where vampires came from, then got sidetracked before working out the answer. So thankyou, Ray from Belfast, who has stepped forward to claim that vampires are a home team:

The whole Vampires mythology actually comes from Ireland. The O’Caithan legend (Pronounced Oh Ka-han) is the earliest known legend about blood eaters. Apparently in Dungiven, County Derry, there was a local baddy/boogie man who demanded to eat the blood of one person of every family in the town in retribution for wrongly convicting him of a crime.

I think you’ll find that there was no history of blood eaters in Eastern Europe before this.

Now. It seems perfectly convincing, but so did the Irishman who told me that there are no snakes, homosexuals or feminists in Ireland because St Patrick got rid of them all. So if anyone else wants to pipe up and tell us that in fact all vampire myths are based on Surrey commuters, comment below!

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Thanks to all of you who’ve been in touch with feedback about the contents of Episode 85. Firstly, regarding the ‘club sandwich of the animal world’ which we spotted in San Francisco, Cuthbert spotted the very same pet-stack in this Youtube video, and Fran from Suffolk in her dad’s holiday photos! So, we’re just going to pretend we took this picture ourselves:

Since we’re still on the subject of our recent jaunt to California, here’s an email from our transatlantic food consultant Jim in New Jersey:

I’m writing to disavow you folks of the notion that all Americans like whipped cream (or even syrup) with bacon for breakfast. That is a West Coast/Middle American aberration. The East coast/Mid-Atlantic/Southern norm is eggs, bacon or sausage, oatmeal or grits, and some kind of toast or “English” muffin. Whipped cream for breakfast is part of a whole fantasy dynamic that America occasionally leans toward, with dubious results. (Disneyland, superhero movies, Sarah Palin, etc.)

Don’t get us started on grits though, Jim! Remember how upset you Americans got last time that thorny subject arose.

Finally, here are some handy hints for candid photography fan Mike from Belfast. Firstly, professional advice from Kelly from Great Dunmow, Essex:

To the guy in episode 85 that wanted to take unposed photos without looking dodgy, he should learn to take photos ‘from the hip’, as my photography teacher told us.

I love taking photos of people without them knowing. I hate posed photos; I used to photograph weddings and every time people saw the camera they would pose, so with loads of practice I learnt to take photos from the camera resting at waist height, or from my hips and even with my arms crossed with the camera tucked under my arm. It also helps if you take the photos in places where there are lots of tourists, with attractions around; that way you can make it look like you’re taking photos of the attractions, not the people.

Jack from Tunbridge Wells runs with a similar theme:

Here’s a clever tip:
Get a friend to come along with you and get him to stand in front of you, between you and the person you want to take a candid picture of.
Using the zoom function on your camera, take a picture over his shoulder of the person, and there you have it!
This technique came in quite handy when taking pics in London for GCSE art.

I hope these suggestions have inspired all you aspiring paparazzi and voyeurs. If stealth is not one of your natural qualities, perhaps you should invest in one of these.

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I know we’re on the eve of a new series, but cast your minds back to the last episode of Answer Me This!, listeners, which was number 84, in which we quizzed special guest Josie Long about these nameless things. Well, Jenn from Santa Cruz has emailed in to tell us what is possibly their actual name:

I can’t speak for all of the United States of course, but where I grew up they were called ‘cootie catchers’. Why? I don’t know.

What an attractive term. It sounds like it should denote something they use to mop up at the STD clinic, not an innocent origami toy popular with 8-year-old girls. Anyway, on the same subject, Amy writes:

After listening to your most recent podcast with the question about the little paper origami devices used to precariously predict one’s destiny, I found them for sale (!) in the shop Paperchase. They called them Fortune Pickers. They were part of a Valentine’s gift range. What a perfect way of telling someone that not only are you a cheapskate, but you are a lazy, uncreative cheapskate.

Thoroughly lame indeed. If you’re too lazy even to make something that a tiny child could make with just one sheet of A4, then you ought not have someone to whom to give such a pisspoor Valentine’s present. If you desperately want one of these paper prognosticators but you’re genuinely too busy and important to fold it yourself, send this link to your secretary and instruct him/her to manufacture one on your behalf out of a discarded fax or £50 note.

UPDATE: Clarrie from London adds:

My french family all call it a “cocotte” – which incidentally also means a prostitute or promiscuous woman. NOT SO INNOCENT NOW THEN!!!

Lawks!

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