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Happy 30th birthday to Oliver Mann! And where there’s a birthday boy, there ought to be balloons. Happily Keith in Cardiff has supplied:
I’ve recently spent some time learning how to make balloon models.
Some of my better creations include a
dino skeleton, Santa and his reindeer, cats and a dog, as well as these others.
Essentially, though, the only real use for balloon modelling is for entertaining children at parties, which I’m pretty sure I’d loathe with a passion!
So answer me this: which skills have you learnt and become good at, but which at the end of the day are completely and utterly pointless?
Erm, ALL of them? For example, a few years ago I made a giant inflatable Boggle set. It was a real feat of engineering, but to what end? I can also touch-type pretty fast, but nobody ever asks me to.
Readers, make us feel not so alone in our uselessness: in the comments, boast of your mad skills which are at the same time magnificent and lacking in any proper purpose. Learning for learning’s sake is nothing to be ashamed of. (Unless you spent twelve years of your adult life learning to juggle matchsticks, which would prove no solace when your marriage collapses and your children refuse to speak to you.)
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Answer Me This! Podcast 
May 22, 2011 at 12:48 pm |
I can ‘count’ in binary on my hands… Which is only good for making 1st year physics undergraduates worry that by taking physics they may become someone who can count in binary on their hands.
May 20, 2011 at 9:21 pm |
I make a mean baked potato! Im 12 by the way 🙂 and my hair has been described by others as “play-doh” because i can stand it straight up without the use of gel or wax!!!!! (But i dont stick my hair up because when i do i look really really stupid ;D)
Please excuse my useless comment!
May 14, 2011 at 12:42 pm |
Please can we see a photo of Helen’s giant inflatable boggle set?
May 22, 2011 at 10:08 am |
x2
May 25, 2011 at 3:35 pm |
x3
May 27, 2011 at 3:09 pm
x4
November 7, 2011 at 12:04 pm |
Here you go: http://helenzaltzman.com/giant-boggle/
May 12, 2011 at 10:59 pm |
When i was a teenager i took up archery as a hobby. So basically for the last 5 years I’ve been able to hit a target 100 yards away with no degree of difficulty. I have never escorted a hobbit with a magic ring, the meat at Tesco doesn’t provide much of a chase, nor do i have a son with a tendency to place apples on his head. i have basically procured a useless skill unless i time travel or we soon turn into a dystopian reality where technology fails us and the public turn to me as hunter gatherer. Finger crossed!
May 13, 2011 at 8:00 am |
you wait until the zombies rise, then the ability to perform a silent headshot will make you a god amongst men
May 12, 2011 at 6:36 pm |
I (and much of my class) spent my GCSE years learning how to spin a pen around my thumb – it looks pretty cool and I didn’t fail my exams – completely useless tho 😛
May 12, 2011 at 9:18 pm |
Ooh that one of my favorite boredom killers you should advance to middle finger twirls too… A little variety.
May 12, 2011 at 3:28 pm |
My sister does balloon animals for kids in hospitals in her area as a volunteer. They really enjoy it.
May 12, 2011 at 7:21 am |
Happy Birthday Olly, come join us on the dark side of 30.
Don’t assume balloon animals are for kids only, me and a mate recently went to a club (for a friends birthday) where it was free entry b4 10pm, we rocked up at about 10.30 and were expected to pay, but managed to blag our way in saying that we were the magician and ‘beautiful assistant’ because my friend had a pocket full of modeling balloons and made the bouncers all balloon hats of either flowers or penii depending on their tastes!
On a personal note, I can get both my legs behind my head at the same time, which is impressive but is only useful for rolling around on the floor and farting a lot due to gastrointestinal compression – ooh get me.
And no before you ask I can’t suck my own cock even though it is massive.
May 12, 2011 at 4:56 am |
I have what my family have charmingly dubbed ‘monkey toes’ i.e- I can pick up most things with my feet. Aside from allowing me to be lazy when I can’t be arsed to bend down to pick something up, it’s not very useful at all.
May 12, 2011 at 1:03 am |
Happy Bday Olly, my 30 is in July (oh boy can’t wait). As for my useless skills I can blow spit bubbles off my tongue that float disgustingly to the ground and I can give the bird/ middle finger with my toes, which is completely useless because my is usually facing right back at myself.