mile high Christmas

by

CLICK HERE FOR THE BEST OF AMT2012 part 1

Over the AMT years, we thought we made it clear that we are not keen on the idea of joining the Mile High Club. We cannot feel sexy on planes because we are too busy thinking about death/trying to stop our eyeballs drying out/watching as many 2.5-star films as we can. Plus plane lavatories, the traditional location for an exquisite and classy act of mid-air copulation, are disgusting.

But despite all this, Lauren in Canada is undeterred:

So I am from England and my boyfriend is Canadian. We are currently living together in Canada but we will be flying over to London to spend this Christmas with my family.

Our plane takes off just before midnight and will be a nice night flight. I am thinking this is the perfect opportunity to try and join the mile high club, you know just for a laugh. The lights will be dimmed, and most people will be trying to sleep, so should be easy enough to sneak off to the bathroom.

I am aware that it’s not going to be mind blowing or romantic, I just want to have the experience. Id even be happy with some heavy petting under the complimentary blankets!!!!

However, the boyfriend isn’t too keen on the idea and told me that it’s a ‘federal offence’. I think he is scared at being marched through Heathrow in handcuffs whilst meeting my Dad for the first time.

So Helen and Olly, answer me this: Can we really get into actual serious trouble?

AND

more importantly, how can I pursuade him to give it a try!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First question first: realistically, unless you’re doing something VERY depraved and disruptive to others, your punishment is likely to be no stronger than a frown and a polite admonition from the flight attendants. But technically it could be a legal transgression, depending upon the laws of the country of take-off, the country of landing, and the country you’re flying over at the time. So choose your moment carefully, Lauren, because if you get caught over Greenland, they’ll feed your genitals to a polar bear.

As for your second question, reread the opening paragraph, Lauren. We cannot overcome our horror to help you. However, perhaps our disgusting and unhygienicracy and adventurous readers can assist? Go to the comments and suggest to Lauren how she can convince her reluctant boyfriend to let her ring his jingle bells at 30,000 feet.

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3 Responses to “mile high Christmas”

  1. Ashfae Says:

    Also it’s maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaddening for the other people on the plane! Please spare them. Believe me, they’ll know what you’re doing. Even if no one speaks up. Certainly the attendants will know and likely many other passengers will as well. Public shaming is a real possibility; quiet condemnation almore inevitable.

  2. Leo Says:

    Helen is right. The chemical toilets on jets are disgusting and unless your young man is a little unusual, the smell of barely treated faeces will impede his ability somewhat. Maybe find some interesting caves in Britain and do it as far underground as possible instead?

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