Break-ups and revenge: two topics which frequently collide. And here are two questions upon those two topics, so help us out by offering your own advice to our lovelorn questioneers, the first of whom is Dave in Halstead, Kent:
The lady that I was dating for five years, and engaged to for two of those years, decided that we had grown apart. This was after a period of stressful months where we both had job worries and problems finding somewhere to live. The feeling was not the same and I tried everything (within reason) to win her back, and failed. I’m 23 and this is the first proper long-term relationship I have had.
So I decided to go to New York and blow all the money I saved for our wedding on a 5* hotel for a week to get over it, as a start. So answer me this: how would you recommend getting over a difficult break-up, and when is it acceptable to start dating again? And also what cool stuff in New York would you recommend?
I have only ever spent two days in New York, and I’m not sure the Museum of Jewish Heritage will lift your spirits; but as aforementioned, readers, go to the comments and pen a potted travel guide for Dave. And while you’re at it, counsel him upon ways to recover from the emotional fall-out, because while it is excellent that he is spending the wedding pot on a luxury trip for one, we don’t want him to be attacked by melancholia and loneliness while he’s there. Particularly not on top of the jetlag, which only compounds misery.
Next on the subject, Sean from Cheltenham keeps it quick and painful:
My boyfriend of six months was cheating on me with another boy. I want revenge. What should I do?
Though David above is trying the ‘Living well is the best revenge’ tack, Sean might need something a little less dignified. Readers, you bitter and shameless bunch, unleash your inner Glenn Closes in the comments.
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Tags: break-ups, exes, getting over it, love, romance, romantic recovery, the end of the road
Answer Me This! Podcast 
May 18, 2012 at 4:55 am |
i have been in a relationship-very happily-for over a year now. everything is just wonderful but there is one thing bothering me- and keeps getting in the way of my love for him. when he was younger, he dated this girl for almost 3 years. he has no contact to her whatsoever and keeps reassuring me that im his only love but sometimes i cant help feeling jealous. not even of her really, i dont think she is very pretty or better than me, but, for example she had sex with my bf when they were about 15(5 years ago).this hurts me so much, because i always ‘waited for the right one’ and he didnt wait for me. he says that his relationship with her was always strange and that im the only woman he want to be with-even if i never sleep with him.
April 21, 2012 at 9:20 am |
Dave, I’m from the U.S. and there is a great website, http://www.meetup.com, where you can meet with people who have the same interests as you in any city. It’s easy to navigate and find people who want to do the same activities as you and then you don’t have to brave this trip alone! Plus, with your accent you’ll easily win over the ladies! Good luck and maybe I’ll see you there as I currently live in Italy but will be in NYC this summer!
-Jessica
April 20, 2012 at 12:02 pm |
Dave – the best way to recover from a difficult relationship is a) to break off all contact so there are no painful reminders and b) have fun, which it sounds like you’re doing already. My top tip for New York is the Tenement Museum on the Lower East Side, fascinating historical detail about real lives 100 years ago. Plus if you’re feeling a bit mis, at least you can console yourself that you’re not drinking latrine water while your babies die around you. My other top tip is the huge dessert counter at any Wholefoods. It’s like the eighth wonder of the world and if that can’t cheer you up, you might be beyond help. Oh and dating again – I think you have to sit out a six month sentence, possibly with time off for good behaviour if someone super comes along.
Sean – revenge is a dish best served cold, because if you wait a while for your fury to cool you might not fancy eating it after all. The best form of revenge is being happy – take a leave out of Dave’s book and have some fun.
Kate x
April 20, 2012 at 6:57 am |
@Dave, whores. One word says it all. And when you get back you can talk about all the interesting people you’ve met and how friendly they all were (although people might suspect something is not quite right at this point because everyone knows New Yorkers aren’t that friendly). Double bag though!
April 20, 2012 at 8:04 am |
yep, I’m sure Dave’s ex will really miss him if she ever finds out he’s started supporting prostitution. And I’m sure Dave himself would feel like a real winner too!
April 19, 2012 at 4:59 pm |
I’ve just got back form a few days in New York and my tips are as follows:
If you don’t want to pay for the Statue of Liberty you can get some pretty good views of it from the Staten Island Ferry which is totally free.
The burgers at Shake Shack are as good as they say and worth the 20 minutes you’ll have to wait in line for them. But order two (and some fries. And a shake) as they’re not that big and you’ll be furious to have waited all that time for something that is gone in a fraction of the time.
April 19, 2012 at 8:42 am |
Sean – carry on like you don’t give a flying f*ck – definitely the best revenge! Also you could spread it around that he was so dreadful that he almost turned you straight 😉 xx
April 19, 2012 at 3:05 am |
strawberry fields in central park with a ipod of John lennon songs is pritty cool. statue of liberty and ellis island (get their early and you can get tickits for inside their are limited (pedistall only as their is only one set of stairs to top so is a fire risk).
April 19, 2012 at 12:29 am |
Sean – You need to think pretty hard about which form of revenge you want to take (and if you really want to take revenge at all).
I personally think that you wouldn’t want your ex *hating* you and wishing he’d never met you, that would defeat the purpose. Making him hate you would give him a justification for doing what he did to you, and what he did is unjustifiable.
Your perfect revenge would have to be something where you can vent your anger and he will realise what a vile despicable letch he is. Make him remorseful with your revenge, then you can nonchalantly tell him to “FUCK OFF”!
April 18, 2012 at 11:03 pm |
Dave!
Go to the ‘top of the rock’ instead of the empire state building, means you can get some photos of it in the back ground, buy your gifts in china town but make sure you get a few dollars knocked off on the way. Walk the brooklyn bridge so you can see the sun set over new york, there is a nice cafe to watch it from on the otherside. Get up early one morning and go to Times square when its empty, its pretty surreal! One last thing, grab some lunch from a deli, take your ipod and go sit in central park for the afternoon if there is any sun!
Have a great time!
Jess
April 18, 2012 at 8:03 pm |
Sean, you’ll only regret revenge later. Confucius is supposed to have said, “Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.”
April 18, 2012 at 7:27 pm |
I have never been to New York, but I somehow watch a lot of Feed Network shows. By the looks of it, you could just eat all day from food vans parked around the place and augment your trip with great food.
Avoid grey and purple and so on, becuase grease looks awful on such coloured cotton.
April 18, 2012 at 6:28 pm |
To Dave, I think the way you’ve handled it is brilliant! because the fact is you kept on trying and sadly without the effort of both people in a realtionship like a poorly built building the supports fail and it comes a crashing down!
On top of that i;ve been to new york twice and the one thing I always remember is central park, I just think its an amazing place to go and just see and there is a really nice coffee/cafe places nearby which just makes a perfect afternoon or morning! + you can buy some nice things in new york…. go spoil yourself!
To Sean,
I can understand why you want revenge, but the old expression revenge is best served cold, applies to this situation marvelously. Just move on and get on with it, and hard as it may be carry on as if it never mattered. What will hurt him most is the fact you couldnt care about him, what is usually expected is tears and verbal abuse from you but honestly don’t give him that satisfaction – and plus makes you look like the better man 😉
Ben