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All the single ladies, all the single ladies – put your hands UP woah-oh-oh if you think you might like to go on a date with Tom, who writes:
During one inebriated night, I foolishly joined a dating agency which required a fairly reasonable, though still a little hefty, 6-month subscription fee.
I am not in any sort of situation, emotionally or practically, to be in a relationship, casual or otherwise, and have to put this random act down to drunken tomfoolery.
I currently haven’t got a steady job, am pretty much broke, need to lose two stone, live with my mum and I am 35.
I do plan on sorting myself out soonish, but don’t really want another girlfriend yet and given my situation and immature tendencies don’t think that any lady in her right mind would be interested. However, I also don’t want to waste the money I have spent signing up to this stupid dating site.
So answer me this – should I lie like a (storm) trooper on my character profile to see if I can get a nibble and hopefully, by the time it comes to meet up with them, some of the lies would be true? Or should I concentrate on sorting my life out before getting back out there on the desperate dater’s scene (and make sure my credit card, laptop and whiskey are never in the same room again)?
It’s possible that a little lady-fun would give you the impetus to start sorting out your situation, Tom. But readers, what do you think? Go to the comments to sort out Tom’s live – its romantic side, of course, but also professional, domestic and pastoral. And don’t mince your words, because he needs the fillip.
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Answer Me This! Podcast 
May 16, 2011 at 6:58 am |
Embrace it. Worry no more. I say take some advice from this guy…
May 7, 2011 at 1:57 pm |
You’re already out of pocket, but you’re so unsure that you’re ready for this that you are considering just letting it go to waste huh? Echoing George Castanza on one episode of Seinfeld, I suggest that you start your profile with, “I currently haven’t got a steady job, am pretty much broke, need to lose two stone, live with my mum and I am 35”, and go from there. No-one’s getting short changed, no-one’s under any illusions. You know that they have been pre-warned when they respond, which (in opposition to a lie) takes pressure off of you for that first meeting. You might not get so many responses, but if you’re ina place where you’re unsure about this whole thing, why not just lay it on the line?
May 7, 2011 at 1:09 pm |
As someone who has done extensive internet dating, I recommend putting your best foot forward. Be honest about your good qualities, and put a positive spin on the ones you don’t feel as good about. You’re not unemployed, you’re between jobs. You’re not living with your mum, you’re spending time with her; though you don’t even have to mention that unless it comes to “my place or yours.” Put up a current, honest picture. Be honest with yourself about what kinds of women you communicate with (don’t go on pity dates and don’t aim too high above your level, looks-wise). Always make the first date something short and cheap like coffee, and don’t try to impress her with money that you don’t have.
My last boyfriend was unemployed, in the last stages of a divorce, and had brain damage from a car accident which caused him to sometimes be hours late or not show up to dates. He was also a really sweet guy and incredibly smart and super hot (to me). I have dated guys who ranged from 125lbs to nearly 300lbs. (I am 5’2″ and weigh about 170 myself, so I’m not exactly supermodel material.) If you are a kind, polite guy with a sense of humor, there is no reason why you can’t go on a few dates. You might find that it gives you some extra confidence in yourself to try something new, even if you don’t end up in a relationship. That extra confidence might help you in your hunt for a job, and in other areas of your life.
May 7, 2011 at 12:24 pm |
Some woman are attracted to a fixer-upper, so you shouldn’t lie. (Plus, if you don’t lie and you get people who are interested, you don’t have to put all the effort into losing weight or getting a job)
Also, there might be women who are into the kind of guy who gets smashed and signs up for rash subscriptions…
But seriously, don’t lie. Not cool.
May 7, 2011 at 10:57 am |
You are making assumptions about the women on the site, the kind of guys they are attracted to, and also about yourself – who’s to say that there isn’t a woman on there who would find you absolutely adorable? Women aren’t so shallow that all they care about is a BMI between 20 and 25 and a good job. You will have lots of appealing qualities that perhaps you haven’t given yourself credit for. And have you considered that not all the women on there are actually looking for a long-term relationship?
I think you should be extremely honest about yourself and your situation, say that you are not looking for anything serious right now and that you don’t want to be approached by anyone who is, to stop things getting messy.
A few dates with some ladies who see things the way you do, and find you attractive just the way you are (and there will be some!) could go a long way towards rebuilding your self-esteem and making you feel more ready to move along.
May 6, 2011 at 2:47 pm |
If you’ve already paid, what have you got to lose? Don’t lie, but have some fun. It sounds like you just need to give your life a bit of a shakeup, in which case, this could be just the ticket. Good luck!
May 4, 2011 at 11:41 pm |
I would see if there is any cooling off period, you may still be able to cancel or explain what happened. Failing that, just tell the truth about your situation, women like honesty, they night be drawn to the fact your so honest on your profile
May 4, 2011 at 3:03 pm |
I don’t know how to phrase this in a polite or politically correct way, so I won’t bother trying.
Knob a right old rotter just to get back on your feet. Make it clear in your profile that you’re just looking for some casual fun, then go after the least attractive women you could possibly bear to prod with your dinkle.
It sounds like you’re currently weighed down with self-pity, inertia and procrastination. You need something to spur you into action; If that something is a middle aged woman with more stretch marks than teeth, so be it. You’re not going to move up the ladder sitting in your old bedroom wanking and crying.