Answer Me This! Podcast

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Josh from Yorkshire seems to have found himself in an early Neil LaBute film, or one of those Shakespeare plays without any of the unfunny comedy scenes in it. He says:

I’m currently 21, but when I was 18 my girlfriend of two years left me for my much older brother and they soon got married. Last summer I began speaking to her again as I realised I had moved on enough to build some bridges. I soon find out she regrets leaving me and has always loved me and never loved my brother and she is very sorry.

I, being an evil bastard, decide to play her and get revenge by eventually getting her to leave my brother and come back to me. When she does so, I will say I’m not actually in love with her, I was just getting my revenge.

However, the plot thickens: I have gotten so close to her again that I would hate to hurt her. I don’t love her like she thinks I do, but I don’t want to upset her either. She is almost close to separating from her husband, probably another few months will do the trick.

What should I do? Confess all? Say I can’t be her ‘man-mistress’ anymore as my conscience can’t take being in an adulterous relationship? Go through with it and get my revenge for her and my brother breaking my heart and making me into the heartless monster I am?

I know this all sounds very bad but it just kind of happened and now I’m in too deep, stuck in an Eastenders storyline.

Congratulations, Josh; you’ve succeeded in creating a situation in which every possible outcome will include pain, long-term repercussions, and moral decrepitude.

But, as fans of liquid-based proverbs are keen to say, blood is thicker than water, so in this sticky situation, your priority is salvaging your relationship with your brother. You and he are stuck with each other, whether or not his marriage lasts (and given the various decisions she has made in the past three years, she doesn’t sound all that reliable, even if you hadn’t added to the fun with your evil machinations). What’s more, the rest of your family are stuck with both of you, and they probably wouldn’t want to have to pick a side if it came to it.

Sure, anyone jilted for their own sibling might be hungry for a big steaming plate of Revenge, and there’s no doubt your brother was naughty to take up with her. But breaking up his marriage won’t restore the situation to its simpler, possibly happier, 2008 state. Nobody will think, “Eh well, eye for an eye, fair play to Josh”; they will just think you’re an arsehole. Then remember you’ll be saddled with this woman, for whom your feelings seem tepid at best. If you’re going to screw up a marriage, your family, and your own moral wellbeing, it really ought to be for a person who is unquestionably A++. And that person ought to be someone whom you can take to family gatherings without wondering which of the relations she’ll be going home with.

So, yes, tell her you resign as man-mistress, but seeing as you don’t want to upset her (really, if that’s how you feel, you aren’t even good at revenge!), tell her it’s because you think she and your brother need to give their marriage a proper go. Then, if/when their marriage does go the way of Zavvi, Rover cars and the Whig party, at least you can pretend it wasn’t your fault.

While you’re leaving them to sort out their relationship, go out and find a new ladyfriend who is not your brother’s type.

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This entry was posted on April 20, 2011 at 9:53 pm and is filed under extracurricular questions. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.