Reason #5000000 not to like the Stereophonics

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Two doses in one day of parents making kids feel uncomfortable? Why the hell not! Here’s a distress call from Heather from Manchester:

My mum’s boyfriend says things to me like “Do you want me to come and rub your back for you in the shower?” and “Do you want to play strip poker with me?” I find this to be really inappropriate and pervy. My mum doesn’t seem to think there is anything wrong in what he says so answer me this: is he a perv or am I being unreasonable in thinking this? Also how can I stop him saying these sorts of things to me?

By the way I am 15 and he is in his late 50s.

Of course tone is important, but written down he does look a bit pervy to us; so readers, if you have any ideas to help Heather to get him to stop, please outline them in a comment below. Better yet, if you work in Social Services, pack your bags – we’ve got a little job for you in Manchester…

Seeing as we’re on this uncomfortable subject, let’s also address this question from Oliver from Cambridge:

I was listening to the Stereophonics album Language. Sex. Violence. Other? and there’s a great song on there called “Lolita”.

After wikipedia-ing the song, I found out that Kelly Jones, the lead singer, actually named his daughter Lolita – that’s right, after the sexually promiscuous 12-year-old girl in the Vladimir Nabokov novel and associated films. This struck me as a spectacularly awful name to call your daughter.

So answer me this: what children’s names have you heard that you think are terrible?

A couple of years ago, Olly met a little boy who appeared to have been named ‘Cunty’. That’s right! If you can beat that, write a comment below, and if we get enough, we’ll charter a coach to take all the unfortunates to the deed poll office.

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20 Responses to “Reason #5000000 not to like the Stereophonics”

  1. Conqueror Cosy Quarters Says:

    I’d like to get straight of what Krista’s responded earlier. The name Conqueror Cosy Quarters wasn’t made for both reasons (cry for attention or poor translation from Chinese). My dad who gave this to me since I was born and it has a beatiful meaning even though I’ve to admit that it’s unusual. That’s why I prefers to be called Cosy Quarters rather than my full name to avoid the confusion.

  2. Megan Says:

    I once met a child at an adventure camp with the surname Kerr. His first name was Wayne. Surely his parents should have some kind of charges brought against them…

  3. Lizzie Says:

    My dads old boss was called Christopher dean- or as he insited everyone call him “Chris” he was called chris-dean. I know not hilariouse but admittedly entertaining at boring work parties!

  4. Ah!Belinda Says:

    Also, see here for more examples of baby names bordering on child abuse:-

    http://www.notwithoutmyhandbag.com/babynames/

  5. Ah!Belinda Says:

    Although this one really wasn’t her parents fault, I do find it quite funny. My parents have a friend called Patricia, who often goes by Pat for short. About ten years ago she got married to a man with the surname Ayto.

    She is now officially Pat Ayto.

  6. Lizzie Says:

    Maybe not the worst, but definately intimidating – Blayde and Razor. Blayde is the younger brother of a friend of mine, Razor is a student that my Maths teacher formerly taught.

  7. Krista Says:

    Is no-one going to mention Adolf Hitler Campbell, the poor sod who was cruelly denied birthday cake? From the same compassionate parents who brought us JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell!
    But if we’re talking about people we know (or have had the acquaintence of) personally, I’d have to go with a chap who applied for a job at my work: Conqueror Cosy Quarters. Poor translation from Chinese or incredibly effective cry for attention? We’re still not sure.

  8. chris from chorley Says:

    Re: Bad names

    How about women who take bad surnames? through friend i found of a woman firstname tracey who had married Mr Wacey. presumably they had a daughter called stacey.

  9. Cairn from London Says:

    I’ve heard of a kid with numbers in front of their name (the numbers were silent).
    Also I’ve heard “Ilovejesus” as a name, and a couple who had their child taken away for cruelty (literally) for naming her “Tuladoesthehulafromhawaii”. Not sure they’re all true mind you.

  10. livvly Says:

    Hello….

    Living in Vietnam we get a whole heap of bizarre names… a little boy called candy… who’s sister is called candle… Red Bear (a boy) and Carrot (a girl) were also pretty special but ‘Dung’ is fairly awful even if it is pronounced ‘yung’…

  11. Celia Says:

    I don’t know anyone unfortunate enough to have this name, but i think “Phuc” would be a pretty bad name to have.
    Although i have no idea as to its prenounciation, it could be completely clean.

  12. Easy Tiger Says:

    Call his bluff. Say “yes I’d love you to come and rub my back in the shower. Let’s go now.” If he backs away then you’ve won. If he tries to go for it then you tell your mum and he has to fuck off

  13. H Says:

    Well, my best mate’s brother had a kid in his class whose name was ‘Oral’. He was quite short, which was additionally unfortunate.

  14. Jessica Says:

    Cunty is by far the best i’ve heard, however my mum works in Wilkinson in Swansea and she heard this old lady calling her grandkids ‘Beyonce, Shakira get here’ in a very chavy swansea accent of course.

  15. Jason from Chester Says:

    Cunty is pretty terrible. However, My wife attended school with a Robyn Banks and a Justin Case!

    We also have a friend of a friend who’s a Registrar. She had to refuse to register the birth name of a CHAV child that was named Chlamydia!

  16. Luke from staffs Says:

    Since everyone seems to be ignoring Heathers question I’ll say what, I think/hope, everyone is thinking…
    WOW WHAT A PERVERT!!!
    Seriously, this guy sounds like the sort that gets the shit kicked out of him when he walks down the street. She needs to talk to her Mum VERY bluntly and say that this guy is being a giant pedo!! If that fails call the police or SOMETHING!!! GAAAAAAAH!!!!!

  17. LadyUranus Says:

    A friend of a friend babysat the Rabbits, whose children were named Bunny and Peter.

    That’s just cruel.

  18. Heather from Manchester Says:

    Well the worst name I have ever heard is my dentists, Omar Butt. It makes me smile on those dredded check-ups.

  19. Tom Says:

    No, I think ‘Cunty’ just about has this one, but I do know someone at my school called Isaac Cox.
    I wouldn’t like to decide which I’d prefer.

  20. Lyle from DC (but living in Bangkok) Says:

    Re Oliver from Cambridge:

    I can’t match Cunty, but my old neighbours had two sons named Casino and Vegas, and there’s a kid at my sons’ school named…In-Bum. (I think he’s from Korea, but that’s a tough moniker to have at a British-curriculum international school.)

    And my mum had a friend in high school whose last name was Leer, so her parents had named her…Chanda! *cringe*

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