** Click here for Episode 119 **
In Episode 119 young Ed from Market Harborough sought our advice regarding his fake girlfriend. They’d only been fake-going out for a week and a half at the time, and she was already causing trouble! We said he should dump the fake-bitch, or that he should say she dumped him.
I CAN TELL YOU ABOUT MY FAKE GF AND WHY I CAN’T DUMP HER!
1) IF I DUMP HER ILL BE A TOTAL PRICK FOR DUMPING HER!
Who cares, Ed – what’s the worst that can happen? Is her fake father going to come round to your house with a baseball bat?
2)IF I SAY SHE’S DUMPED ME THEN I’LL GET JEERED AT FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO KEEP A GIRL FOR MORE THAN A MONTH
Your friends are probably fresh out of jeers, having expended them all last week when you invented a girlfriend.
3)I CAN’T SAY SHE MOVED TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COUNTRY BECAUSE SHE ALREADY LIVES IN JERSEY
Let’s not forget, Ed – YOU MADE HER UP! YOU put her in Jersey; YOU get her out of there! One of the numerous benefits of fake girlfriends is that they are highly portable, so invent her an interest in South American ferns and send her off to live in a remote part of Chile or something.
Buck up, young man: this is the only relationship you will ever have where she does exactly what you say. The only limit is the breadth of your imagination. Now, go away, and don’t you dare reject our sage advice again until you’ve stopped being such a silly sausage.
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Answer Me This! Podcast 
December 2, 2009 at 8:42 pm |
i totally agree with darcy! hahaha
December 2, 2009 at 7:11 pm |
So you can’t dump each other for at least a month.
How about a coma? Then she can stick around indefinitely but you don’t need to provide any new information Just remember that she’s in a coma before you start making up getting her pregnant.
But if you do forget, there’s always the evil twin.