Storytime!

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** Click here for Episode 91 **

Here’s a charming story from James, entitled ‘My Friend Recently Shit Himself’. Can you guess how it’s going to go? Well done, you are correct:

Yes it was quite an epic tale, cram packed with adventure, tension and embarrassment.

The story began on Saturday morning when we were having a bite to eat before catching the train to Sheffield from Grimsby. My friend, who wishes to remain anonymous, claimed to be feeling ill about halfway through the journey. When we arrived he insisted (in a rather flustered manner) that we find the nearest toilet which at the time happened to be a McDonalds, so off we went. He ran in barging people out of the way (we followed closely behind to see what hilarities would unfold) and just as he was going into the toilet he shat himself.

But the worst thing about this is what he did to ‘solve’ the situation, he started by frantically wiping his pants and arse with toilet paper until they were as clean as they could possibly be at that time…………not very clean. He then put them back on inside out and continued his activities for the rest of the day.

I found this odd/sickening and was wondering what would you do in a situation like that?

To be frank, we found it pretty odd/sickening as well; therefore, as we’ve just had our lunch and are reluctant to throw it all up, we thought we’d open the question out to you instead. So please comment below and answer us this: what is a failsafe means of rescuing yourself should you wind up in a similar situation?

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12 Responses to “Storytime!”

  1. Don McCoy Says:

    Seeing as my friends were following close by watching the excitement, I’d stay in the toilet cleaning myself while asking one of them to go buy me a pair of sweat pants from the nearest clothing store.

    This almost happened to me once. I was travelling with friends and a dinner of chicken fried steak fought a brave and, ultimately, successful charge to escape from my bowels. We were driving through the desert and I begged my friends to stop at this rest stop. I ran as best I could to the bathroom only to discover it was the ladies side. Being a gentleman or an idiot, I hopped around to the front of the building to the gents. My predicament illuminated by the headlights of the van.

    I made it to a stall just in time as the fireworks began. One of my friends thoughtfully sat in the stall next to me laughing at every new expulsion of chicken fried steak and the resulting pain I experienced. Ah, friendship.

  2. Gareth from Glasgow Says:

    Thank you for defending the reverb, Soundfans!

  3. Catherine Says:

    Wow, can you think of a nicer birthday present than an emailed story about shit? I can’t!

    But Jules and I wish you a happy one, anyway, even though we’re late. 🙂

    Don’t you dare ever take Martin’s echo away. It’s classic!

  4. Amy Says:

    Well, considering trains have toilets, I’d probably have used those and not let it get that far.

    Failing that, I would chuck away my knickers, clean my trousers as best I could and douse everything liberally with perfume until clean trousers could be sought. And don’t McDonald’s usually have sinks, soap and hand dryers in the cubicles? I’m sure there’s scope for some impromptu laundry.

  5. Easy Tiger Says:

    Years ago on French Exchange I had literally the worst shits of my life at the funfair. I ended up dumping my poo-stained pants in the toilet (squat-style, naturally), which can’t have been much fun for the huge queue of french people all lined up outside to go in after me.

    Putting soiled pants back on, even inside out is revolting.

  6. Kagney Says:

    “Boo hoo I don’t like echoes they hurt my pwesious ears” said Thomas. Suddenly from nowhere, an enormous echo reverberated around him and he shat himself.

  7. Sharon from Glasgow Says:

    Shame it wasn’t a KFC nearby, they give away wetwipes!

  8. Sharon from Glasgow Says:

    If I was in this situation I think I’d have to go commando until finding a Primark/other cheap shop to purchase some fresh kecks. Surely soiled pants would be really smelly (especially in a confined space such as a train). I don’t think I would have carried on with the trip, I’d be in a pretty bad mood. Shitting myself would really ruin my day.

  9. Gareth from Glasgow Says:

    The tags for this odd post are as funny as the story! Bowels…

  10. Gareth from Glasgow Says:

    Thomas, are you on acid? I think you are hearing double or some shit. The echo has certainly decreased recently compared to early podcasts.

    I think he should have made an improv pair of pants out of toilet roll after cleaning himself up, then gone to Grimsby and found some charity shop clothes.

  11. Ice cream monster! Says:

    If I were in James’s situation…not that I have been! *looks around nervously!* I would stuff my pants with toilet paper… although massive fat ass and titchy, skinny body might be almost as bad as the “I shat myself!” look! I feel for you, James’s friend!

  12. Thomas Says:

    Why does “the soundman” have to have the echo when he talks?

    It isn’t cool and it’s actually very annoying and distracting from the show.

    Otherwise, everything else is awesome!

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