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Questioneer Liz has lopped off her head-top femininity, and people are going apeshit about it even though we’ve seen the same many times over, from Audrey Hepburn/Michelle Williams/Halle Berry/Demi Moore/Miley Cyrus/’Stop’-era Posh Spice/bad-era Britney, right through to Joan of Arc.
She writes:
I recently decided to cut my hair into a short crop style (I am a 29 year old female doctor), and ever since have been astonished at the deluge of rude, inappropriate and frankly outright mean things that people have said to me. When I say ‘people’, I am mostly referring to men. One male friend’s first response was “Are you a lesbian now?” whilst another stated “I don’t like short hair on girls, you look like a boy”. I have been ordered to grow it long again, asked “What went wrong at the hairdressers?” and told “You will never get a boyfriend now”. In contrast my female friends have been highly supportive, stating it looks great.
So, answer me this: Why do men think it is OK to be mean to women with short hair? And are my female friends lying in saying it looks great? (which surely is the safe and socially accepted way to go – to be honest I’d appreciate more men taking this route!)
I’m not a man, but reader, if you are one, go to the comments and explain to Liz why her haircut might be causing upset. Since we don’t have photo evidence that the style doesn’t make Liz look like Jimmy Krankie rather than Winona Ryder, let’s assume that she does look nice with it. Let’s also assume that Liz’s primary purpose is not to look attractive to her male friends.
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Tags: femininity, hair, haircuts, sexism
Answer Me This! Podcast 
September 9, 2013 at 5:45 am |
As a man, myself, I can say that your male friends are assholes. They feel as if they, as men, deserve to define how you may and may not define and interpret your gender, and they feel as if it is appropriate to degrade your personal appearance simply because you do not conform to their idea of traditionally femininity. Do they also criticize you for wearing pants, driving at night, or voting?
Your friend who asked, “Are you a lesbian now?” is a homophobe. Your friend who said, “You’ll never get a boyfriend now,” considers your value as a person to be tied to you being the sexual object of a man. Your friend who said, “I don’t like short hair on girls, you look like a boy,” not only insulted a grown woman by calling her a girl, but also feels that he, as a man, deserves to lay claim to how your body looks to him.
Your friends suck. Get some new ones.
August 29, 2013 at 11:18 am |
I am a man with long hair and I too find it amazing how people think they are free to say whatever they want about that part of one’s appearence. Why don’t English manners apply to hair too?
This is actually the second time I have had long hair, I cut it all off after derision and whingeing from my friends (mainly female in fact). The exercise was pointless for two reasons: not one of my friends noticed and a woman I really fancied at the time asked me why I’d cut off my “beautiful hair”. So, I think the answer is to do what you want and damn the lot of them with their personal preferences! We all have them whatever anyone else does.
August 29, 2013 at 9:33 am |
A short hair style can look fabulous on a woman and long hair can be disastrous. The issue is whether it is well done and suits the person.
However, it is generally not acceptable to comment negatively on a woman’s choice of hair style unless you are a) invited to do so, b) very good friends, c) constructive with any criticism.
The default position for a man if you have to comment at all, say something nice. It is like the classic “Does my bum look big in this? question, the only safe answer is “No”.