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Here’s a tale from Jordan from Bridgend which is shaping up to be a Welsh version of Pacific Heights
I work once a week in my local charity shop and one week, this woman came in, clearly drunk and off her face on drugs by the way she was speaking and walking. She asked me where the childrens clothing was, so I kindly showed her. She collected two pairs of children’s jeans aged 12-13 and asked if she could try them on; I said it was fine and I showed her the changing rooms. She came out of the changing rooms and said that they were both a little bit loose on her so she would think about having them and come back again.
A few weeks later on my way home from college on the local bus, the same women got on and sat with me at the back of the bus. She was still in the same state as I last saw her, She recognized me from the charity shop. She was asking me all sorts of questions such as do I smoke, do I have tattoos, where do I live etc, and then she asked me if I was a buffer. But randomly I said yes even though I did not understand her question. After me saying yes I was a buffer, she did not say no more. I got off the bus and she stayed on it…
But two weeks ago my next door neighbour moved out, and to my despair I found out this women from the bus is now living next door with her boyfriend and I have been told that they are both alcoholic drug-taking mental freaks. Ever since I found out they live next door I have been hiding away in my room. Answer me this: what should I do? And what on god’s earth is a buffer? What have I let myself in for? Should I let her know I live next door!?
The answer to that last question is obviously NO. Although they will surely find out soon enough, when you run out of food and supplies and are smoked out of the house. You could try to confine your entrances and exits to, say, 7am, a time of day where the average commuter or parent of young children is up and at’em, but the average drugged-up alcoholic is not. Obviously, when they do discover your whereabouts, don’t feel pressured into inviting them round for some welcoming drinks and nibbles, or into lending them your lawnmower.
Readers, you’re more reliable than the OED – can you step in to define ‘buffer’ for Jordan? Presumably his neighbour was not referring to the social media app, the shock absorber for trains, or the velvety thing that makes your shoes shiny.
Answer Me This! Podcast 
October 17, 2012 at 9:44 pm |
Jesus
August 19, 2012 at 2:21 pm |
Buffer: A towering demented mammal-amphibian, native to but not limited to Australia (found on all 8 continents), having four legs, one of which shaped like a cage, the others of which shaped like sasquatch hands, but contrary to walking on all four legs it staggers on one leg in somewhat of peg-leg motion. It has a dirty beard, a snout like a vicious anteater, but yet eats no ants, a tail in the middle of its stomach where most would assume a belly-button would be, a tentacle riddled orifice that is capable of dismantling an elephant in .2 seconds flat. The skin of the buffer has a slimy texture that it sheds every other blue moon, but the reason it is classified as a mammal-amphibian is because it has the very hairy and dirty beard and scientists decided to classify as the first of the fusion class of the two species. It is a shade of blue. It is most prominently found in underwater caves but is also found on land in moist areas. The buffer is capable if ever feeling threatened it can project poisonous darts, but it is rarely threatened. If you see a buffer in the forest, run like Usain Bolt to your nearest home medical office.
Definition #6 on urbandictionary.com
May 10, 2012 at 4:22 pm |
I think it may be someone who has sex a lot…?
May 10, 2012 at 12:23 pm |
Apparently “buffer” is what gypsies call folks who live in houses.
Move ASAP