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This questioneer asked to remain anonymous, but you’ll know who she is when she turns up wearing a 12-week scan as a fascinator:
We just found out we are having a baby, we want to tell people but you have to wait three months and in calculating when that is, it turns out it’s on our friend’s wedding day…
Answer me this… should we wait until after the wedding or do we do it then, will that be totally stealing thunder?
If I found that out on my wedding day (i.e. if it were the other way around) I would be really happy for them and I think it would add to the day. But obviously that’s me.
Even if it is not just you, Expectant Attention-Embezzler, the odds aren’t great that the newlyweds are eager for you to ‘add to the day’. But you know you don’t have to make your announcement bang on the three-month mark, right? It’s not like if you don’t tell people then, you can’t mention the child again until its 25th birthday.
Readers, what do you think? Tell people the day before? Tell people the day after? Or on the wedding day, stand around with one hand on your stomach and the other batting away glasses of champagne and let Dame Rumour do the rest of the work for you?
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Tags: oneupmanship, pregnancy, weddings
Answer Me This! Podcast 
March 24, 2015 at 4:31 am |
Wait until the week after the wedding, or, if you’re concerned about the rumour mill starting with you avoiding booze and shellfish, a week beforehand is long enough for people to get the excitement of your news out of the way.
Also, practice this phrase: “Thank you, but today’s not really about me. Doesn’t the bride look beautiful”
March 13, 2015 at 2:29 pm |
Someone did this on my wedding day and I was NOT HAPPY!
March 5, 2015 at 11:59 am |
As Roman Emperors were accompanied on Triumphs by a slave whispering, “Remember you are mortal”, this woman clearly needs to be accompanied at all times by someone ready to help out with the handy phrase, “It’s not about you”. On present evidence, such circs are beyond her recognition.
After the wedding. After. After. After. And, no, not even just to one or two besties at the reception either.
Ye gods & little fishes!
March 5, 2015 at 11:10 am |
Tell people in a couple of weeks, you’re obviously excited. The reason for the traditional delay is that the 3 months marks a time when miscarriages are less likely to happen but if your friends and family know before that date and the worst happens they’ll be in a position to support you.
March 5, 2015 at 9:29 am |
Wait until the day after. Any other decision will only bring regret. Mark my words.
March 4, 2015 at 12:05 pm |
If you tell on the day, you will forever be remembered as the person they wish they hadn’t invited because you stole their thunder. Do it the day before if possible. If not, keep your mouth shut unless explicitly asked – that way you aren’t going round intentionally telling everyone.
March 4, 2015 at 12:28 am |
I’m sure that your friends will be very happy for your happiness, but realistically they don’t care so much that it’ll ruin your friend’s wedding. It’s a bigger deal to you than it is to them. Start giving out free food and booze next door, though, and that’ll probably do it.