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Here’s an email about love, both romantic and fraternal, from Freddie:
This is a question about the Bro Code, specifically the clauses that apply to girls.
As all Bros know, there are well defined criteria for ladies who are out of bounds, one of which being “Your friend specifically told you he wanted her.”
Here is my dilemma. I went to a local coffee shop with my housemate on Sunday. This was the first time I had visited said coffee shop, and I commented to him that I had suddenly fallen in deep, romantic love with one of the baristas. He then revealed he had been visiting this coffee shop himself for several months, expressly because he himself was also in love with her.
He has informed me in no uncertain terms that if I attempt to date the barista, it is in direct contravention of the Bro Code.
Answer me this: what’s a bro to do? I’ve been back to this coffee shop three times since then and I’m definitely in love with her. I plan on asking her out within a week whereas he hasn’t made a move in months. Can I ask her out and keep my Bro License?
I’m not best placed to answer this question; partly because I’m not a bro, but mainly because the word ‘bro’ is repugnant to me. Yes, even when people are using it with mild irony. It is like the linguistic equivalent of acid reflux.
So, to put it in language I CAN stomach: this is the same situation as arises in Chaucer’s ‘The Knight’s Tale‘ (AKA bros before prose). In that, they settle it because [600-year-old SPOILER ALERT!] the god Saturn intervenes and one of them dies so the other one gets the girl by default.
In your case, Freddie, rather than relying on a god and one of you dying, maybe you could simply see which of you the barista prefers – if indeed she is single, heterosexual and has any interest in either of you, because she is a SENTIENT WOMAN and not merely your prize. If she DOES like one of you, the other should retire from the contest with grace. If she likes neither, the Bro Code can continue to be adhered to without underlying disharmony.
If that solution is not satisfactory to you, hire a solicitor to comb the Bro Code for loopholes. But it’ll cost you.
Answer Me This! Podcast 
May 2, 2013 at 7:30 am |
By his own admission, his mate has had months to ask this girl out, but he hasn’t – he’s just been creepily going to the coffee shop to admire her like a piece of art. If this listener acts more like an alpha male and asks her out, I don’t think that’s too unreasonable.
May 2, 2013 at 12:14 pm |
totally agree – he has had his chance. There’s probably a part of the bro code that says “you snooze, you loose”