scavenging sibling steals sandwiches

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Revenge is a frequent theme at AMT, as is the pettiness born of cohabitation. It is little surprise that those topics combine. Add a fractious sibling relationship, and you have household napalm. Luca from Malta is ready to detonate:

I have a younger brother who constantly eats my food. It is fine when I make enough for both. But if I prepare a sandwich or a salad and leave it in the fridge for when I have work or school, it always goes missing – invariably, he eats it.

I have confronted him about this and have told him, SPECIFICALLY, ‘Do not eat my food.’ Last night, I spent 3 hours making the most beautiful and delicious pizza. I could only eat a quarter and left the rest in the fridge with a paper saying ‘Please, do not eat!’ for I had a long day at work and needed something to cheer me up for when I got home. He ate my pizza and he just laughed and laughed about it.

If I poison some food, leave it in the fridge, with a sign saying “Please do not eat”, yet my brother eats it anyway, and dies, will I be sent to prison?

I’m not well versed in Maltese law, but yes, you probably would, as your intent was to endanger life. But even if you wormed your way out of a prison sentence, for killing your brother your parents would send you to your room till the end of time, so it’s the same result either way. Plus, you’re ruling yourself out of eating your own food, too. Everybody loses in this scenario, as with the piss-laced soy milk we recently refused to drink.

It seems to have taken you a remarkably long time to realise that your notes are not only failing to deter your brother from theft, but are even spurring him on to commit mischief. The only thing more delicious to him than contraband food is your annoyance.

He would probably continue to eat your food if you deploy reverse psychology in your notes, eg “Go ahead and eat my pizza” – face it, if he can see your pizza, he is going to eat your pizza. So…prevent him from seeing your pizza. Construct a disguise. Get yourself a Tupperware container and dress it up to look like your brother’s least favourite food – or just pop a plastic turd on top. That is cheaper than buying your own fridge and a padlock, which is the other option.

Readers, please go to the comments to lend Luca your ideas – both to defend his food from his brother, and to deal with his stress levels and controlling urges.

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3 Responses to “scavenging sibling steals sandwiches”

  1. James C. Says:

    Buy a lockbox to put your lunch in.

  2. Joi Says:

    I live with my one of my nephews and quite frankly, he’s a little shit bag. He and I are the only two members of the household that use the water dispenser on the fridge and I have asked him umpteen times in the past to refill it when he empties it. The little fucker never does and one day, I got home from a night out and REALLY wanted a nice ice cold glass of water, only to find the dispenser empty, again!

    The next day, I bought liquid laxatives and put half a bottle in the water dispenser and topped it up with water. A few days later, I relished in the fact that my nephew had a bad case of the shits and after going for a massive crap, he had a glass of water. >:-)

  3. danniiboy Says:

    One word: laxatives.

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