Cruise kids

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HAVE YOU SEEN THESE CHILDREN?

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Here’s a question of Cruises from Anna from Switzerland:

From time to time – not very often – I read German tabloids. There is not that much to read though, and apart from all the other useless stuff they write about, they constantly print pictures of Tom Cruise’s biological daughter and her fancy clothes and Nicole Kidman and her biological daughters.

If I remember correctly, when Cruise and Kidman were still a married couple, they adopted two kids. So, answer me this: What happened to them? Did Tom and Nicole just send them back to the orphanage, or put them up for another adoption? Or are they adults now and happy not to belong to either family anymore?

Isabella and Connor Cruise have made two massive mistakes, leading to their tabloid nonprominence:

1. Now aged 20 and 17 respectively, they’re far too big and old to be carted around by their parents at every convenient photo opportunity as Suri Cruise is.
2. They’re adopted. The tabloids are notoriously less interested in adopted than biological kids, and pictures of the former are worth far less to them financially. Take the Jolie-Pitt Child Legion, for instance: tabs love the blonde blue-eyed members but seem ambivalent about the Cambodian, Vietnamese and Ethiopian ones, who are of course sleeper agents for Team Aniston anyway.

In case you were wondering, Connor Cruise is now a DJ and you can follow him on Twitter, if you must. Isabella Cruise, if the pap shots are any indication, has a full-time job as Suri’s blankie carrier.

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2 Responses to “Cruise kids”

  1. roj Says:

    On a different note, check out Tommy’s moobs in that pic! He looks like a 55 year old woman called Charlene

  2. Nick Says:

    While I was not aware said humans existed before now, I can be sure of the fact that Isabella and Connor have only their negative thetans to blame. Obviously Xenu of the Galactic Confederacy is punishing them for their traitorous ways.

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