** Click here for Episode 179 **
The following person has written to us under the pseudonym “Jeremy in Stoke” (to conceal the fact he is actually a lesbian blogger in the Middle East). He has a fake name, but a real problem, you see:
Despite being a happily married man and father of two small boys, the girlfriend of a friend of mine has started cracking onto me rather a lot recently. Let’s call her Emma. She flirts with me so obviously when we are out that it has become a standing joke with some of my friends (even my wife says she finds it rather funny in a sad kind of way).
The thing is that Emma’s boyfriend, my friend Mike, seems to be totally unaware of all this. He’s a lovely chap, a little bit head in the clouds and really doesn’t seem to see anything at all dodgy in the fact that whenever he’s away she asks me to come round and ‘keep her company’ on my own etc etc etc.
Answer me this:
DO I TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT?
I obviously don’t want to, because I’m a bit too English.
That’s right. You and he must never have a heart-to-heart about this, unless you want your UK citizenship to be revoked.
In fact, I’d hesitate to talk to him about it whichever nationality you are. He evidently trusts you and your upstanding Englishness completely, to see nothing but innocence in her hussyish come-ons; and so far you’ve done nothing to break that trust. Perhaps he is even aware of her vixenish ways, but has chosen not to act, rather than embarrassing you, himself and his errant ladyfriend. If you wade in, it could cause a fissure of awkwardness in your friendship and a dent to the dignity on at least one of your sides.
However, you could have a short stern word with Emma asking her to knock it off; or, better yet, your wife could stage a catfight with her in the middle of the street. After some publicly humiliating hair-pulling, tit-punching and screams of “Step off, bitch!”, her ardour might be dampened. Tell your wife to get acrylic nail extensions beforehand.
Readers, agree or disagree with me? I don’t mind which, but I do urge you to go to the comments to advise Jeremy upon apt procedure.
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Answer Me This! Podcast 
June 25, 2011 at 7:55 am |
Clearly you should bang her like a barn door in a gale as per the other comments. But if you want to dissipate the situation with no harm done you could mention to Emma that:
• you are secretly gay & in a marriage of convenience, or
• you want to dress up for her as Hitler & play “ovens”, or
• you want to get into scat play with her, or
• would she like to help you dig up some bodies so she can watch you fuck ’em?
I would say any if those would put off most ladies. When I said “with no harm done” clearly I was being ironic.
•
June 24, 2011 at 4:26 pm |
I’m with Easy Tiger. Nail her hard and fast like window shutters before the hurricane.
June 23, 2011 at 6:23 pm |
Bang her 🙂