Answer Me This! Podcast

** Click here for the Best of AMT2010 Part 1 **

A festive question arrives from Guy in Leicester:

Why are all the gifts in crackers a pile of shit?

Because most crackers cost about 6p each to manufacture, I’ll wager. And when you think of how often people who actually know you get you a bad gift, just imagine the odds on a factory in China getting it right.

Does anyone make good crackers with gifts like diamond rings, iPods and other expensive gifts, and if so, how much are the most expensive crackers available?

It seems that the global economic splashdown has killed off the market for £1000 crackers containing a mink hat and a 12-cannon salute instead of a snap; but there are still some ludicrously overpriced options for you to consider, Guy.

Harrods predictably comes at the top of the Expensive charts, with a six-pack for £269, each containing ‘a randomly selected luxury gift’ (ie upmarket versions of the usual boring shit cracker-presents that you don’t want).

Aspinal have a relatively bargainous half-doz for £75, although is a crocodile-skin tape measure really any better than a little plastic puzzle? Only if the accompanying hat is a proper topper.

Then Fortnum’n’Mason steps in with these for a mere £100 – ‘they are sure to please the whole family, young and old,’ they proclaim, having never met a child who was not thrilled by a silver-plated butter scraper.

Selfridges, meanwhile, claim that ‘The ethically minded will adore this box of six environmentally friendly Christmas crackers‘, ignoring the fact that a proper eco-warrior would flinch from spending £50 on such a wasteful product. But I’d be tempted to buy some just in case the promised ‘luxurious eco-friendly gift’ is a handful of live worms.

This somewhat-expensive cracker will probably perk people up more than the average, but if you really want iPods and bling, your best bet is to make them yourself and stuff them full of thousands of pounds-worth of loot. Here’s a tutorial for making them, but I’m not sure a full-sized iPod will actually fit inside a loo roll.

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This entry was posted on December 21, 2010 at 12:18 pm and is filed under extracurricular questions. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.