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Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, and a question from Pat from Canada:
My uncle passed away a few months ago. My mom (his sister) and I went to pick out a headstone for his grave and found it very hard to find an appropriate epitaph for him. You see, he was a miserable old fellow and was especially mean to my mother during the last five years of his life. Nothing anyone did for him was good enough.
So when we looked at the sample sayings to put at the bottom of the stone, we were stumped. Of course, we could have just selected something like “A friend to all” or “His smile lit up a room”, but we would be lying and anyone who knew him and visited the grave would know it, too!
So, answer me this: what is an appropriate phrase to put on a grave marker when the deceased wasn’t a very nice fellow?
Readers, you’re a tasteless bunch. Go forth to the comments and do your worst.
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Answer Me This! Podcast 
October 11, 2010 at 10:10 pm |
1 good gravestone for sale, barely used, £100 o.n.o.
October 8, 2010 at 9:12 pm |
Certified Periodclot.
October 10, 2010 at 8:34 pm |
We may have a winner
October 8, 2010 at 7:49 am |
Can’t say enough nice things about the guy.
October 6, 2010 at 10:05 pm |
At least he didn’t kill anyone. At least not after the treatment…
October 6, 2010 at 7:51 pm |
Gladly Missed.
October 6, 2010 at 4:58 pm |
” now wash your hands “
October 5, 2010 at 5:08 pm |
‘Public toilet out of action. Please wee here’
October 5, 2010 at 4:23 pm |
“The World Will Be a Quieter Place Now.”
“The children are safe at last.”
“*Not to be interred within 100 yards of a school or park.”
“He will be missed, but not much.”
October 5, 2010 at 2:25 pm |
“Not worse than Hitler”
October 4, 2010 at 10:29 pm |
Leaving the rest of us in peace
October 4, 2010 at 12:39 pm |
“Come unto me
Unite in thy love
Now resting within
Thy kingdom above”
Just be sure to make the first letter of eash line a BIG capital!
October 4, 2010 at 1:06 am |
This guy was a dick.
October 3, 2010 at 9:53 pm |
‘When thinking of Uncle …’s life lots of painful memories arise. Fortunately he won’t be around anymore to create new ones.’
‘Uncle …’s final thoughts was with were with the Queen and the Royal family, which was why he’s being buried in the pet cemetery between the corgi’s and polo horses.’
Uncle … wasn’t a particularly jolly man, rarely took part in family affairs and was generally disliked by everyone. So in death, he has spared us the discomfort of being sad for our loss, Thanks Uncle – You miserable old bollox.
October 2, 2010 at 3:21 pm |
Why dont you put somthing about how you will remember him? Im sure you will even if its not for the right reasons.
September 30, 2010 at 2:21 pm |
“like all of us, he was less than perfect. But haven’t these roses come up a treat?”
September 30, 2010 at 9:43 am |
What about, “When he said, ‘Either this wallpaper goes or I do’, we think we made the right decision”
September 30, 2010 at 7:40 am |
“died after rescuing 17 orphan children from a sinking battleship”
or similar outrageous lie.
It’ll bring joy to those who don’t know him, and are involved in the otherwise sad business of visiting their deceased loved ones in the same cemetary.
September 30, 2010 at 1:00 am |
how about, The rest of us are in a better place now
September 30, 2010 at 12:45 am |
… Perhaps just something tasteful like “Son of (…), and brother to (…)” would be the norm, but maybe you should fall back on something more personal like “I told you I was sick!”