sweary child


** Click here for Episode 112 **

Oh, the shame of it.

We have caused a little problem for ‘Luxembourg’s Hottest Hausfrau’, Vanessa from Luxembourg from Episode 77, regarding her son Tom from Luxembourg, from whom we also heard in Episode 72:

As you know, my son Tom of Luxembourg fame and his dad listen to your show, however Tom has been swearing quite a lot and I fear you guys may have contributed to this.

I am struggling to find a suitable punishment, other than ban him from listening to your show but then his dad would let him listen anyway so that’s pointless. I could shove a bar of soap in his mouth, squirt washing up liquid down his throat. I have thought of having a swear box and fining him but he has no money.

Can you answer me this: How would you two stop an 11-year-old boy swearing?

Well, evidently we can only cause the opposite effect; so readers, any ideas?

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12 Responses to “sweary child”

  1. Matt Says:

    beat him

  2. dave from london Says:

    I think the idea with marbles is an excellent sugestion, however, reward him by allowing him to shout the swear word of his choice wherever he wants when the jar is full. surely the idea of screaming “monkey custard” at the top of his voice whilst in sainsbury’s should deter him! if not he is obviously a wayward teen and needs an ASBO.

  3. Paul Says:

    Congratulate him on his excellent use of the English language?
    Alternatively, release a censored version of the Answer Me This podcast with ‘bleeps’ over said profanities… actually, would you bleep out the word ‘come’? or would that depend on the context of the word? What about words like beaver, tits and cock? All innocent words in certain contexts, but also have alternative sexual meanings too.

    It seems words relating to parts of the body and sex are the words we label as profanities. So our hang-up is really about sex.. well blow me!
    I guess it’s times like this we miss the likes of Mary Whitehouse (bless her) to guide us in our dark days of fucked-up-ness.

    • Natasha from London Says:

      I didn’t realise ‘tits’ had an innocent meaning! What is it?

      • Gina from Surrey Says:

        lol – tits as in the amusingly-named birds. (‘bluetits’ and ‘great tits’.) often abbreviated just to tits, as in ‘Crap, a tit just flew past my face!’, as was uttered by my uncle on a hike a few weeks ago.

  4. Shannon Says:

    Have a small jar and a bunch of marbles. For every day Tom goes without swearing, he gets three marbles. Also, every time he does swear, one marble gets removed from the jar. When the jar is full, Tom gets a big reward like a new game for his PSP or something else he’d like. Then the process starts again! But…hide the marbles that are NOT in the jar, or it may get full quicker than it should!

  5. David Says:

    Simple – Embarrassment (or rather fear of embarrassment)
    Make a list of all the words he uses then threaten to go to his school to get the head teacher to make him stand up in front of the whole school and read out the list and explain to everyone what each word means.
    Or simply publish baby pictures on the web till he begs you to frickin well stop!

  6. Banjoes from NYC Says:

    Two words: Cock slap

  7. Ben Wilson Says:

    FYI Washing liquid is not a good thing to ingest. We were on a field trip in high school when we thought it’d be hilarious to spike someone’s drink with washing up liquid. Minor chemical burns and a large amount of guilt ensued.

  8. Matt from Kent Says:

    I think the swear box is the best option because I know I hate losing money and so does everyone else so he will learn and if he doesn’t, then you’ve got some spare change for a fancy meal or something like that.

    Also remember to keep where you keep the swear box a secret because otherwise, you might find the box gets emptyer and emptyer……

    Matt from Kent =)

  9. Natasha from London Says:

    Tom from Luxembourg’s parents should occasionally, in moments of anger, shout out words that either mean nothing, or something very silly (eg “Oh gloggles! I’ve stumped my beduffling toe on the light and fluffy floor!”). This will confuse Tom from Luxembourg, and blur his ideas of what are true profanities and what are just illusions, and he will hopefully start using the alternative swear words instead of the real ones. Initially Tom might be confused at his parents sudden use of these words, but if you are persistant he should be won over soon.

    I am sure this will work,
    All the best, Natasha from London (who is 14 years old, by the way)

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