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Mazel tov to our nearlywed next correspondent, Dominic:
I’m to be married to my beautiful fiancé Laura on Friday 11th May, and shortly afterwards we fly to Mexico for our honeymoon (so you can imagine how helpful it was to learn the history of nachos last week!). This will be an eleven-hour flight with just one problem – I have a pathological fear of flying. This is what happens when you utter the phrase “Wherever you want to go, darling…”
Anyway, answer me this – what can I do for eleven hours on a flight to distract myself from the fact that I am just the grace of God away from plummeting to my death?
Dominic! That’s what they have the in-flight entertainment system for! So that people like you don’t run up and down the aisles screaming with a rosary in your hand, but instead sit quietly watching recent cinema hits (NB take your own noise-cancelling headphones, partly because the ones the airline supplies are rubbish, and partly to block out the perfectly normal plane-creaks that you will interpret as a wing about to fall off).
If your airline is a primitive one with no seat-back TVs, substitute with a gripping airport novel. Or Valium.
Readers, any suggestions to quell Dominic’s terror? Unfortunately it is too short notice for hypnosis or any other form of phobia-curing therapy, so the best he can presently hope for is the psychological equivalent of a nicotine patch.
Answer Me This! Podcast 
May 10, 2012 at 7:58 am |
What exactly do you think will happen? Once the plane gets up there, supposing the engine failed? You think the plane would fall out of the sky? Actually, it will just keep gliding. As a youngun I used to fly gliders which did just this – engine to get you into the sky and then switch the engine off and glide. You can keep going for aaaaages. It’s honestly so so safe.
Combine this knowlege (which is power) with vallium (which is awesome and ariba olay . Mate.
May 10, 2012 at 12:03 am |
Breathing in, I feel this body. Breathing out, I feel calm.
Breathing in, I feel this body. Breathing out, I smile.
Repeat over and over as needed. This is from the Pebble Meditation by by Thich Nhat Hanh (pronounced Tic Not Han)
Steve Cropley – Sheridan Wyoming, USA, North America, located on the North American Plate, 3rd Rock from the Sun, the Solar System, inner edge of a spiral-shaped concentration of gas and dust called the Orion–Cygnus Arm of the Milky Way Galaxy, Local Group of Galaxies, the Universe (just not sure how far your podcast reach is by now)
May 9, 2012 at 8:35 pm |
My mother-in-law hates flying. She works on translating Latin texts to keep her occupied.
May 9, 2012 at 5:34 pm |
Doctor here, I agree on the valium (diazepam) if your doc will prescribe you some. Failing that, ask for propranolol, which helps with the physical symptoms of anxiety, and get a meditation/relaxation mp3 type thing and listen to that during take-off/landing.
May 9, 2012 at 5:27 pm |
Dominic, once that aircraft gets up to speed there’s no way it can’t fly, just let aerodynamics take the strain.
But failing that I can thoroughly recommend the Valium. Go see your GP and they’ll be able to help you out. I wouldn’t mix it with booze though, best not to risk any unforeseen interactions. Besides after enough Valium you just won’t care.
Enjoy your honeymoon!
May 9, 2012 at 5:22 pm |
I have a fear of flying too – I know it’s silly and planes are extremely well maintained, etc, etc but still…
I recommend either:
1. Get just drunk enough to become laizez-faire about the whole thing, but not too drunk for them to refuse you boarding the plane.
2. As previously recommended, get some Valium (Diazepam). Also combine this with 2-3 pints of your fave beer to really not give a shit. Doctors are not usually very willing to prescribe the stuff, so really lay it on thick with the anxiety. Also, perhaps don’t outright ask for Valium to avoid arousing suspicion, just say that you are extremely anxious and see what you get.
3. Man up! Remember the statistics of being involved in a aeroplane disaster are very slim – according to http://planecrashinfo.com/cause.htm the chances are 1 in 29 million! (for the top 30 airlines). For reference, the lottery jackpot odds are 1 in 14 million.
May 9, 2012 at 4:59 pm |
Get some diazepam from your doctor, its seriously good stuff! I never thought i would be able to travel the world because of my fear of flying ( i used to feel physically sick just being in an airport!) HOWEVER since discovering diazepam I have been on loads of long haul flights and, dare i say it, even enjoyed them!
May 9, 2012 at 3:51 pm |
I am all for self-medicating while flying. Get yourself one giant bottle of anti-anxiety medication, stat. Or you can take enough Benadryl to knock out a rhinoceros.
May 9, 2012 at 3:15 pm |
Dominic, no wonder you’re afraid of flying if you think it’s only the grace of god that keeps planes aloft. We all know what a cantankerous and arbitrary smiter god is.
So my advice is to become an atheist and let science fly the plane. Failing that, don’t be an homosexualist (the female wife helps) and maybe god will leave your plane alone.