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Our next correspondent Lennox explains themselves as being English, but currently residing in Saint Lucia. This is germane to the question:
I moved to Saint Lucia when I was seven and I am now 16 and will be moving back to England in August. This is a wonderful thing because I miss England so very much. The only thing is I am a little nervous that I will not fit in or not know what to talk about. So answer me this: how will I overcome this and be able up fit in? What can I do now, before I go?
Prepare some standard chat by visiting the showbiz pages of any of the major tabloids. Observe which people crop up the most often, then acquaint yourself with the most car-crashy aspects of their lives. (Do not bother researching their work, as chances are they don’t do any.) Retain a few pointed observations about these people to drop into casual conversations about popular culture.
Next, practice saying, “Lovely day, isn’t it?” with a note of surprise in your voice, because presumably in Saint Lucia, clement weather is pretty much a given and therefore not worthy of comment. You will, of course, quickly become accustomed to daily conversations about the weather; these may seem pointless to you after nine years away, but remember that they are the only way that true Brits can communicate emotion. Do NOT compare the weather unfavourably to that back in Saint Lucia, however, unless you fancy a taste of the famous English delicacy, the Knuckle Sandwich.
Accompany your training with at least eight cups of tea. Dunk biscuits into it, even if you don’t want to.
Readers, do you have any pointers for Lennox’s reintegration into English life? Please help out in the comments.
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