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Here’s a very substantial question Chris from Cardiff, Australia:
My parents have brought me up in a devoutly Christian home, they’ve taken me to church every Sunday (rain, hail, or shine) and ensured that both my brothers have married solidly Christian women. I’m almost 18 and I’ve begun to consider whether following in my family’s Christian footsteps is really what I want to do.
I don’t want to come out and directly say that I’ve decided to become an atheist, mostly because I haven’t had enough time to think it through, but also because I know that there are different approaches to religion from other groups and churches. My main problem is that my Mum (who is a very nice lady) keeps bible-bashing me in basically every conversation, because she turns every conversation into an assertion of what she believes and her faith.
So answer me this: how can I tell my parents that I want to make my own choice about whether I do or do not go to church (or even where I go to church) without them bible-bashing me and having their pastor and youth coordinator “spontaneously” popping around for tea when they “didn’t realise no-one else was at home”?
This is a toughie, and as a second-generation Jewish atheist, I feel ill equipped to advise sensibly. But readers, many of you are bound to have been in similar circumstances. Recourse to the comments and help Chris tactfully insist upon charting his own course.
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Answer Me This! Podcast 
October 4, 2010 at 8:09 pm |
Maybe point out that a faith that needs constant reinforcement is like a house that, in order to keep it standing needs increasing amounts of scaffolding shored up against it.
Tell your mum that you’re happy for her to have her beliefs, you’re glad she raised you with a firm sense of right and wrong, but please can she refrain from proselytising, it’s unproductive and repetitive.
Good luck!
September 26, 2010 at 5:43 pm |
I am also from a Catholic family and have wanted to know how to say this for nigh on two years. I am waiting for my parents to ask if I want to be confirmed, at which time I can tell them I am atheist. Could you not wait for some other important right of passage to occur and tell them then? (or just leave home)
September 25, 2010 at 9:46 am |
Hi there
I too was brought up christian – catholic. Was you begin to get an enquiring mind you do question and evaluate things. That doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or feel less spiritually you just want the chance to see what it all means to you. I told my family I was no longer styling and it went down bad especially as I made the point I was not an atheist ” how can you believe there’s a god and not be catholic?”. But the fact I wasn’t lost to religion at all comforted them in the end but also gave me time and space to see what if any faiths mean something to me. Don’t lie and don’t rub their nose in it. Respect their faith but ask for the same in return. Will get a lot of calm and respect for it. You’re not a bad person cos you asked these questions. Good luck!
September 25, 2010 at 3:37 am |
Evidently you need to make up your own mind. In order to do this you must disregard Dawkins’ demagogy entirely.
Jimmy x
September 24, 2010 at 5:01 pm |
Dear Chris
You need time to make up your own mind. That means time to explore on your own, without their consant pressure. However their religion is telling them that if you don’t make up your mind to go to their church then your eternal soul is damned. They obviously care a great deal about your eternal soul so are going to try and make you make up your mind correctly.
If I were you I would seek to speak to people from many different religons and none, to make up your own mind. Speak to Muslims, Christians, Buddists, Athetists. Try and do this without your parents knowing, there is no point distressing them if you are going to decide that you are Christian anyway.
If there is a local humanist society go along and see if you can experience life without religion, and how deeply moral people manage without religon. Read widely, and that includes reading the God Deluison as well as a couple of other books on each religion you considering.
IF you are about to go to University then I’d suggest leaving things until then, it will give you more time to think independently.
If you aren’t then good luck.
Steve
September 24, 2010 at 12:22 pm |
This is one of the intrinsic issues facing Christians today, that their faith often dictates Evangelism but comes into conflict with a society that expects people to make their own minds up.
What I’d suggest is being open to your parents about it, explain that this doesn’t mean you are losing your faith but that you can’t make the decision while they pressure as they are. Maybe don’t say but try to imply that if they don’t let you think you’re much more likely to become disenfranchised and turn away from the faith.
Remember it is not uncommon to attend a different type of church to your parents, the easiest time to do this change is when going to university or college away from home and it’s often most successful time to re-evaluate how you manifest your faith.
Good luck, hopefully you’re parents will lay off long enough to let you make your own mind up.
Jack