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Here’s a long, sad story from Andreas in Sweden, but it’s a good one, so strap in:
Last week, while doing my job involving making food colouring, aromas and being cooked alive because it’s 30 cunting degrees in Sweden, you destroyed my phone and made my day shit overall.
I was going to produce something called “Vanilla Extract” to be sent off to a ice cream company for them to make vanilla ice cream. To get the obvious flavour of this concoction I needed to, through a tap mechanism, pour a undiluted mixture of ethanol and vanilla seeds into a bucket as an ingredient. This ingredient is kept in a big, cylindrical tank that holds 200 litres of the shit. To check if there was enough left in the tank for me to finish my assignment, I took the lid off of it and put it aside. Pleased with what I saw, I knocked off for lunch.
Upon my return I did what I always do when my boss is on a business trip (he’s a right shit, by the way): I got out my phone and put on some Answer Me This! To hear it better I put it on top of the tank. Instead of your funny banter streaming into my ears, I heard a splash, a gurgle and my phone hitting the bottom of the tank.
I hurried to find something to stand on. I got up on an empty cardboard box and from there climbed onto the tank and shoved my entire arm into the alcohol and vanilla. Having a bunch of tiny cuts on my hand did not make this a more pleasant experience.
I finally got the phone out of the tank and had by now sort of lost my footing on the side of the tank. I quickly put one foot on the box I had used to get up there. I had forgotten it was empty and put my big, fat foot right in the center of it. I fell onto my knee, hitting the shitting corner of the rig the tank rests on.
Long story short, you destroyed my phone and ruined my day.
We’re terribly sorry, Andreas, that your phone died in the effort to manufacture the most boring ice cream flavour. But we don’t feel directly responsible for your calamity, therefore will not be buying you a new phone. Or knee. Also, worse things have happened in the name of vanilla, viz:
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July 16, 2010 at 9:52 am |
Vanilla is a great flavour! Unfortunately most “vanilla” icecreams are made to be… well “vanilla” (metaphorically) – ie not taste much of anything but cream. A properly suped-up vanilla is lovely indeed.
July 15, 2010 at 3:29 pm |
so this song is about rape?
“if you force yourself on me/things are gonna get nasty…..na mam an naaa x 1000000”
July 14, 2010 at 2:34 pm |
So which company now sells Nokia and armpit flavoured ice cream..If run ‘N’ raisin can be popular you might be onto a new thing, mind you I bet you didn’t admit it to your shit of a boss..