Answer Me This! Podcast

I’m sure you’ve all been agog to know what Dan the office poacher from Episode 62 succeeded in nabbing before he was shown the door. Here’s the inventory:

I made off with copious pens, god knows how many pads to help my girlfriend who’s at uni, enough envelopes to run a post office, post-it notes to leave me hilarious notes around home like “Get a job loser”, staplers – spare one for Olly if he wants – and my footrest stool (good for posture when nerding it at home). But my piece de resistance was my office chair – distinctively green and comfortable. All of which is now at home.

My next question is: How can I convince my former work colleagues who come to visit that I procured this through proper channels without having to sweep it all under the carpet when they come round?

The answer to that, Dan, is: don’t! They will be super-jealous that you were so audacious to nick a pile of stuff from the mothership, especially when they realised you managed to sneak out large pieces of furniture under your coat. Ah, if only you had put your wiles to good use rather than petty crime…

Hiccup-related missives are still trickling in since Episode 58, including this eerie question from Steve:

All the suggestions for curing hiccups were probably almost useful for normal people, but answer me this – do you know of any ways to cure the hiccups of our unborn child? It’s getting kinda creepy to watch!

Um…tell the foetus to drink a glassful of amniotic fluid from the wrong side? I fear this cure from Nicole in Kent won’t work on embryos:

If you get the hiccupper at the front and get everyone to stare at them and say HICCUP they should stop.

Yup. They should stop and burst into tears because of all the chanting bullies.

On the back of Episode 59, Nicole also offers a rather less intimidating homework dodge:

Say your water bottle leaked and made it completely illegible; just wiggle lines on a page then run it under a tap to do this.

It’s certainly less of a risk than this one from Doug in Jersey:

This excuse saved me the other day: how about I made my homework into a aeroplane and it got hijacked?

Those teachers in the Channel Islands must either have mischievous appetites for absurdism, or simply not give a shit about their jobs at all.

Finally, following Episode 61, Krabbers reveals who would appear in his ultimate Celebrity Superwank:

I would like to see Vera and Jack Duckworth in a swappsy party with Richard and Judy.

Yum.

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This entry was posted on July 23, 2008 at 12:09 pm and is filed under Answer Us Back! Your time to opine. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.